Friday, August 22, 2008

Slide the Soapbox Ova' Here Please...

The morning started off bad. We ran out of coffee and had to use a blend from a gift bag we got a few months ago with an Elvis logo on it. The coffee was irritatingly strong and tasted like freshly brewed mierda. It’s the thought that counts, right? I headed back into the kitchen to pour no brand cereal into my bowl. Madelene insists on getting the “Cheerio-like” cereals in a ‘no brand name’, but hell if she’s touching my Special K. Anyway, while pouring the contents of this disgusting cereal, a huge blobby cereal grain covered something or other fell out into the bowl. Whatever was in the factory or scurrying around apparently fell right into the box. Lovely. Mind you, this was after the fact Madelene ate two bowls of it. That’ll teach her. I won’t be suing, although I really could use the extra cash.

I’m highly sensitive and grumpy today. I am avoiding every single person that knows me or may meet me in person accidentally. I am in full isolation mode. You may read my words but hell if you’re gonna get a real live person on the phone or even see me for that matter. I’m not even PMSing. Everyone, including my neighbors are irritating the hell outa’ me. Maybe I’m pregnant. Who knows? Stranger things have happened, like the pregnant “man”, right? Maybe I’m pre-menopausal? Eeek.

This should be a joyful time in my life with setting up for my upcoming wedding and looking forward to a beautiful life with my Madelene, but it somehow turned out to be a tension cord for other people.

Here are my gripes about an array of things that are irritating me. Bear with me because I’m in a pissy mood and need to vent.

*There are some who “assume” that because Madelene and I have been together for 15 years, (and have separated a coupla’ times during that period), that we no longer are intimate. First of all, it’s nobody’s business what we do behind closed doors. However, let me publicly announce that it’s never been so good as it is today. Pffft. Nuff’ said about that. I hate talking about my sex life because it’s absolutely distasteful.

*My mother won’t let me take her out for ishnips (a friend clam strip appetizer) and a few drinks because she feels that I cannot afford it since I now have a new condo and more bills to pay. No, I don’t have a million dollar mansion or ten luxury cars sitting in my garage that I don’t have, but I think I can afford $3.99 a plate for some damn ishnips. Now I can’t even have lunch with my own mother like I used to before I started living here. Instead, I left her house and bought 2 lbs of Chilean sea bass (which is $22 per lb) and expensive wine for Madelene and I to enjoy later that evening. And to think, we didn’t end up in the streets after that meal. I know my mother cares about my well-being and affordability, but it’s sad to think I can’t take her out to lunch anymore.

*This next gripe may sound childish and probably most likely is, but every single one of my sisters has received some type of “surprise party” or something set up just for them. From birthday parties, engagement parties to bridal showers, bachelorette parties and baby showers. I went to all of their showers, surprise parties, weddings and other parties which were fun, but none of them ever attended my parties. Waaa waaa waaaa, right? There were a couple of important parties I didn’t attend, only because I genuinely didn’t feel well. I got flak for not attending a couple of them from my mother. I personally don’t want a “surprise party” but it would be nice if my family would attend a function I’m having once in a while. Sometimes I think it’s because of the guest list---that they may not be able to relate to some of the LGBTabcdefghi groups. Whatever. Assumptions assumptions. It’s not like I ban the heterosexuals from my parties, in fact, sometimes they outweigh the gays and lesbians at my parties. (Not physically of course.) Or maybe it's because it's too small of a venue for them. Hrmm. The root cause of this issue I have is that I don't feel my life or my relationships are ever taken seriously by the people I love the most, which hurts.

*“Hey, we’re getting married!” Do you know I didn’t get one “congratulations” from my family? Only one sister congratulated me. It’s not that I want a pat on the back for getting married, but now that it’s finally legal and we’re having a nice ceremony in MA, it would be nice if my family took my relationship seriously as a heterosexual one. I'm not even expecting any of them to travel 6 friggin hours from NY to MA either. I realize that is just too much. I understand my parents not ‘getting it’ because they’re old school and not used to it, so I appreciate their total acceptance with my lifestyle- period. They’ve accepted me from the day I came out of that stuffy closet.

*I was warned not to have a baby in fears that I may ask my parents to baby sit or have one of my sisters watch them. First of all, I would never do that. I would hire a trusted baby sitter and pay them. Yes, I can afford a baby sitter. Then the discussion went on to say that I’ll be sick and that I would never be able to handle being pregnant. The least expected parents are usually the best ones. I was advised to take my nieces and nephews for a few nights, but in my own personal opinion, without the appropriate discipline that I feel they need, (with all due respect) I would have no control if they don’t listen to me because I have no right to discipline them since I am not their mother. A day visit or seeing them with their mother is good enough for me. I love them all, but refuse to watch them overnight in fear of an uncontrollable situation. With discipline, I mean verbal control and letting the children know that they can’t get away with b/s. I don’t believe in hitting a child.

So for now, for this year, I am without child because this is our first year in our new home and I want to be able to enjoy Madelene and share a romantic, fulfilling life with her on many levels. I refuse to let others dictate how my life should be and I’m sick and tired of some people trying to justify their life by comparing it with mine.

*Steps off soapbox*

20 comments:

Grant said...

I think a lot of older people get locked into the price rates of their youth. My mother complained about how expensive the Waffle House is. Dinner and a drink for about $5 - yeah, that'll break the bank.

SJ said...

I think a lot of people STILL go around thinking that women living without a man is in need of all the help they can get.

You say this should be a joyful time in your life etc. I speak from experience ... you can't feel happy if you try to make yourself feel it. In real life unlike fiction there is one glorious moment with music to cue it will kind of seep in. Some day you will look back and realize how happy you were at this point of time.

Here let me return the soap box.

kathi said...

Awwww, hon, I'll have ishnips with you.
I'd sue the 'cheerio-like' company. I desperately need that dinero.
I imagine that same sex marriage is so new that a lot of people don't know what to do, think or say about it. I'm sorry about that, I want this to be nothing but happiness for you. But even for those preparing for opposite sex marriages, they still have all the anxiety, the jitters, the worries and the emotional days that you're having. When I got married the first time, my parents were so mad because they hated my husband. The second marriage, Mark's parents were furious because I was older, a bartender and had been married before. There are always going to be glitches and hurt feelings. I think the biggest enemy, though, is nerves. Nasty buggers. :)

I love you, if there is anything I can do, hon...

Jess said...

Awww, Deb, I am sorry you are going through some tough times right now.

As I was reading your blog the wind kicked up and the rain started pouring as we are getting all these bands from Fay coming through...it was just interesting that as I am reading how you are feeling the weather mimicked exactly how you are feeling.

You two have a baby when you want to have a baby. It will be just fine. On a daily basis I see less than adequate parents, you two do not strike me as such. No one knows how to parent, you just learn and it changes per child. God knows my brothers were raised differently than I was. (Only girl, oldest child...)

As for the parties, it might be uncomfortable for them. Not sure how to approach that other than to outright ask them why they don't come.

Tell your Mom what I tell my Mom and that is to shut her pie hole and let me do something that makes me feel good. Giving gifts feels as nice, if not better than getting them many times.

I hope you get to feeling better and the weekend is good to ya.

HUGS

Anonymous said...

You go! Everything will work out and it's great therapy to speak your mind and write out your thoughts. When people read them, those words will sink in and they may realize that the way the acted toward you was less than appropriate. Kids? Oy vey! I commend you on the mere thought,Debs! ;-) You know me. I adore my nephew, but.....;-)

See you tonight. Got the goods! Love you tons!- LA

~Deb said...

Grant: Yeah, you’re absolutely right. I just wish my mother didn’t think I was struggling so much! It’s as if she thinks I’m out on the streets. Baffles me.

SJ: Yup! My mom always wanted me to marry a “rich Jewish doctor”, but that didn’t happen obviously. I’m happy with my life that I’m living, but sometimes sad because the people that I love the most seem to never take me seriously. It’s been like that all my life so I’m not expecting any change soon. Thanks, SJ!

Kathi: You’re too funny! Ishnips are great, but it’s not like ordering a filet mignon! But I guess everyone has their challenges, grudges, opinions and hurt feelings when the big day comes, as well as assuming someone thinks this, when they really think that. I’m guilty of overanalyzing stuff too. I appreciate your words of encouragement! Love you too!!!

Jess: You guessed right. The storm told you how I was feeling, huh? As far as having a baby---I don’t want one now, but when I do, I really feel that I would be a great mother and friend to my child. It’s different when it’s your own kid and I totally know that it’s a lot of responsibility and challenges, but when I’m ready, key word---“when”---then I will be all set and prepared.
Yes, I do wish my mother would accept my invitations, because if I didn’t have the money to splurge on those damn ishnips, I woulda’ never asked her to go. But she accepts invitations from those who “can afford it”.

Anonymous Lisa: (ha) You’re so funny commenting! What are you talking about-----you are great with your nephew! You know it… And yes, I will see you & your posse tonight and ummm, bring da’ chicken! (ha) I have lots brewing over here and deliveries are on their way to the top of the tree house. ;)
Love ya girl!
P.S. There will be a hidden cam at this shin dig. *wiggles eyebrows*

BBC said...

Running out of coffee (or some Kahlua to put in it) is not a good thing. I keep an extra can or two of it on hand at all times. Watch for sales and stock up on it.

I have an email address called pasoapbox. I used to put out a newsletter called the PA Soapbox. It seems like I'm always on a soapbox.

Man, I need another camping trip already.

~Deb said...

BBC,

I'm a little bit more concerned about the Kahlua to tell you the truth. We went to the store to try to get our brand again and ended up with Folgers...hmm...not my 'cup of java'.

My type of camping involves a Marriott.

No tents. Just beds, bibles, porn channels and room service, no necessarily in that order either.

GirlGoyle said...

Here is a tip from your old friend Ed - if the coffee in the AM sux for whatever reason, the rest of the day is down hill. I suggest you fix the coffee issue and cereal and then magically you won't give a rat's ass what the rest think of you or your life style.

BBC said...

*bibles* rolls eyes.

Screw Marriott, that's for people with ego problems, just saying. Like Jesus would stay in one.

BBC said...

Coffee, I'm not picky, any coffee is just fine with me, like any coffee would be fine with Jesus. Just thankful to get some.

Jeff B said...

How sad when one can be accepted and embraced more by friends than family. I know it not uncommon at all, but it is still unfortunate.

Hope this vent was a step in the right direction for you, whatever that dire3ction may be.

DESPERADO said...

"I’m highly sensitive and grumpy today. I am avoiding every single person that knows me or may meet me in person accidentally. I am in full isolation mode."

you don't have to avoid us.benefits of blogging universe.

"I’m sick and tired of some people trying to justify their life by comparing it with mine."

people are sick sick sick.....try not to get sick by seeing them.

Art said...

Just wanted to say "congratulations"... Congratulations :)

Curlz said...

Sometimes we need a soapbox to cleanse ourselves of all of the crap that has found it's way into our heads via the words, thoughts or self-expression of others. Your feelings are not silly - I think you have some legitimate miffs here. Hopefully, you feel better now and can soon focus on the beauty of your loving relationship. Praying that your wedding will be fulfilling and memorable for the two of you, Curlz

Brandi said...

the three weeks prior to my wedding were the most stressful of the whole process. I was moody, cranky, irritable, jason and I had all but stopped speaking about anything other than wedding plans. It was a mess.

I am grateful for the experience-I truly, truly am but I will never, EVER plan a wedding again.

EVER.

Brandi said...

the three weeks prior to my wedding were the most stressful of the whole process. I was moody, cranky, irritable, jason and I had all but stopped speaking about anything other than wedding plans. It was a mess.

I am grateful for the experience-I truly, truly am but I will never, EVER plan a wedding again.

EVER.

Miss 1999 said...

Ok, first, I cannot stress how TOTALLY excited I am that you and Madelene are back together!!!! It's been a long damn time since I've been able to catch up with you (let me tell you pregnancy is hell, even though I know it's gonna be worth it, right now, it's not fun).

Anyway, tell people to piss off-- enjoy your time together. Do what ya'll wanna do, and enjoy life. It's too short not to-- and BIG CONGRATS!!!! Words can't express just how happy I am for the two of you! Lotsa love and hugs!

Dave said...

hey Deb! I haven't been doing well keeping up :( I was just reading back in your blog and have to scream "CONGRATULATIONS!!"
That is so awesome!!
I know what you mean about the family. Tim and I got engaged then Wednesday before last. My friends and coworkers are thrilled and are planning a party already. My family responses ranged from "oh, that's nice" to a insincere sounding "congratulations". It is upsetting but at the same time I want this because of my relationship and love for Tim and it's not for my family.

Oh.. congrats on the new home together too!!
We have to chat and catch up some time!!!

thewishfulwriter said...

oh. i get it. i totally get it.