Saturday, August 02, 2008

Cawfee Tawk

My morning started as I clumsily shuffled my way through the living room to make it into the kitchen. With one eye opened and one eye closed, I tried the best I could to scoop the coffee grinds out of the can and into the coffee maker. It didn’t go too well. I now have a trail of grinds everywhere but inside the machine. I attempted to make breakfast for Madelene. We prefer egg whites, so I made an egg white omelet. Cracking the eggs was the easy part, however trying to get the yolk to stay inside was another story. Twice, the yolk fell onto my foot, leaving a sticky yellowy mess. Not a good morning as you can see. Madelene woke up to the sounds of obscenities coming out from the kitchen area.

It’s Saturday morning. Her most challenging days at work are on Saturdays. I try the best I can to wake up before her, make her breakfast, prepare her lunch and sit down and talk to her. She always insists that I sleep in a little, but I want to spend time with her before her workday starts. I want to spend time with her before I’m 8 hours without her. I told her that I do this selfishly because I love her. It’s all about me.

There are days where I’m home all day and she’s working-- yet she’ll go to the store and pick a few things up when I’m able to do that myself. She says she likes doing that because she knows it makes me happy. She does it because she loves me.

Where is this mushy bullshit going you ask?

Love. It’s not only a feeling you have: it’s actions applied to those feelings. It’s knowing that you would do absolutely anything for that person even if it killed you. Love is knowing and understanding all negative circumstances and root causes of bad moods. I’m not trying to compete with how Corinthians defines love, however it’s right on the money. There is no jealousy or bitterness. If so, those issues need to be addressed immediately. It’s complete forgiveness if one is offended or hurt. It’s always knowing that the person who stands right in front of you that you’re in love with, loves you more than you love them. Don’t take that last sentence literally----it’s demonstrating that there is no doubt in your mind that your significant other adores the hell outa’ you. Everyone needs reassurance.

There was a time back in 2000 where Madelene and I were eating at a local restaurant not talking to one another because we had unresolved issues. I looked over at an elderly couple at the next table over. I listened their conversation. From what I got out of it: they’ve been married for over 50 years, raised a few kids and have many grandchildren. There were absolutely no breaks in their conversation. They never ran out of things to say to one another. They laughed and joked around and apparently----enjoyed one another. I felt one of the 7 deadly sins: envy. I absolutely envied these two people for sticking it out and enjoying every single moment of their relationship right into their golden years. How rare!

Ever since Madelene and I have resolved our past issues, as all relationships go through, there is nothing in the gray area anymore. Everything is completely out in the open. As a result, I finally got what I envied: having my best friend for a partner. We’re yip-yapping from the early morning hours until late in the evening right before we close our eyes to go to bed. Another fringe benefit of having everything out in the open is that the sex only gets better. (Too much info probably), but when everything is completely released where there is nothing but raw honesty, the final result is a happy and healthy relationship. Is it perfect? By all means, no. Does it make us both happy? I can only speak for myself, but I have never been happier for such a depressed sap that I usually am.

So instead, Madelene and I had a good laugh at the mess I created in the kitchen and the yellow remains of the yolk still left on my foot. She left to go to work with a smile on her face because of her silly partner who put forth excruciating effort to get those egg whites on the dining room table by 7am.

And that’s proof of my love.


Tim said...

What a great way to start my day... reading a new post from you since I have spent the last week on jury duty for a criminal trial. Now I'm sitting in my office trying to catch up instead of enjoying the day. Ok, enough boo hoo for me. I have to agree with your opinion about talking. By nature, I'm not a talker and my wife loves to talk. Not being a talker, I tend to keep everything inside, especially if I am upset. My wife made it clear that if we were going to have any kind of relationship, I would have to talk. It is kind of funny now, but when I would slip into silence for too long, she would come over and kiss me but at the same time bite me on the lip. That was my reminder that I was being too quiet.

After five years, we talk alot, we have times when we are working out in the yard and both quiet, but together and there are times when I slip into silence for too long and I get a bite on the lip.

I'm so happy that you have the love you have. For me, having my love means no swollen lips.. ha ha

Katerina said...

THAT was sweet! All couples go through ups and downs and have to deal with outside events as's life....but if you REALLY OPENLY love each other, you get though it and are even better/closer on the other side of it.

~Deb said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
~Deb said...


That had to be the most endearing little story I've heard in a very long time. A bite on the lip. How adorable is your wife? I have to say, she sounds very understanding and seems to love you very much. You're one lucky fella! There are times when you need that silence---but the silence I speak of is the one where you can say no words at all, yet enjoy the quietness of each other. That's totally different. Communication: knowing where the other is coming from and what's in their heart at the time.

Thanks so much for sharing that! I really enjoyed reading your comment. It made me chuckle!


There are so many outside influences that can sway many couples. We had that happened to us and thankfully got through it. You're absolutely right though!

Jess said...

7AM! All I know is that the Roommate and Sweet Thing left and bought breakfast and were cooking it up when I arose at around 11am! It is Saturday! Sleep it away day!

I enjoyed your story of the morning events! Tooooo sweet!

Grant said...

My inbox is empty, so I'm posting a non-comment so it will fill with notes saying other people commented. I always delete those without reading them unless I recognize the writer (meaning you), but it's nice to pretend people want to talk to me.

Amy said...

That is sweet.
I love the pic

SJ said...

Now it's my turn for envy :)

Big Mama said...

Oh ~Deb, I love love...

You two make such an awesome couple. The hubby and I have been together 17 years and are still giggling and acting like teens. The other night we were being silly and our son came in our room around 11:00 and told us to keep it down because we were laughing too loud, LOL! Secrets and unresolved issues cause erosion in a relationship. I am so glad to see you two have gone past all that nonsense.

XOXO to you and Mad,
Big Mama

BBC said...

Love is our most interesting insanity. I've studied it for years. I think a real test of love is to step in front of a speeding bullet to protect another. I can think of a few women I would step in front of to protect, but no men. Hope that I'm never given that test though.

Living in one room is sort of cool, when I get up it's three steps to punch the button to wake up the computer, three more to start the coffee. Three steps to a cold beer. Three steps to the door. Three steps to the book shelf. And just an arm movement to the Peppermint Schnapps. LOL

Jamie said...

Sounds like you gals are quite happy (and I'm happy for you). My hubby and I are going through some things now along the same lines. He doesn't seem to understand that the more he hides things, the less I trust him. What I'd give to have 100% honesty in my relationship (even if the honesty hurts at times).

~Deb said...

Jess: I know right? I’ve always been a morning person to begin with, however I was really tired, but didn’t want to miss an opportunity to spend the morning with her. When I was younger I slept the day away! Those were the days!

Grant: I always want to talk to my little demonic blogger!

Amy: Thank you!

Sj: Too funny! Come by & we’ll cook you dinner---bring the party hat!

Big Mama: Thank you! That’s terrific that you & hubby are making a ruckus while the kids are complaining. Oh how the roles reverse after time, huh? I do admit we had our challenges in the past but with time, experience, tons of drama and many doses of understanding, we made it through which made our bond even that much stronger.
Thanks again!

BBC: You’re absolutely right: love is insanity sometimes, isn’t it? Or is that obsession? It’s truly love when you would step in front of a speeding bullet for someone. Even with familial love, you’ll see when in tragedies, the mother hunching over the child to protect them, which in this case it’s been said that there is no stronger love than a mother for her child.
As far as your close quarters---there is nothing wrong with having easy access to everything you enjoy in life! Cheers!

Jamie: We weren’t happy for the entire 15 years. We went through a rough patch for a couple of years and have even separated for a period of time, which I wrote about in my archives of this blog. We even went to couple counseling which was disastrous for our relationship. In my opinion, the counseling helped us separate even more! We became complete strangers at one time. We then started working on our friendship and communication, which made our bond stronger, which also made our love grow and brought us back together again as a couple. She hid her feelings from me and I hid my feelings as well, but when we developed a friendship, which is the foundation of any relationship----everything came out in the open and there was nothing left to hide. I hope that you & your husband are able to communicate and become best friends with nothing left to hide. Reassure him that it’s ok to talk it out without any repercussions of anger from your side (if there was any in the past).
All the best, thank you for sharing that with me!

DaBich said...

It's Monday an I just read this. What a nice way to start the day...not the egg yolk on the feet part, but all the rest :)

~Deb said...

I'm about to crack 'dem eggs right now, Dabich---wish me luck! Nice to see you!

Grant said...

Okay, I had time to actually read your post this time. Puke - pass the insulin. Bloody love junkie.

But I disagree with your assessment. Love is an emotion, but it doesn't guarantee only good things spring from it. If you doubt me, I will arrange an exchange program wherein you get to stay with my mother and I will stay with Madelene. You will get to experience first-hand the love of a truly bad person and Madelene will get all the egg yolks she can eat, because I'm not wasting the tasty part of the egg.

~Deb said...

Ok. Packing my bags and heading out to mama's ranch. As far as yolk eating contest, I'll see you in the cathlab - same room - getting an angioplasty together. Our first event together, Grant!

thewishfulwriter said...

I could not agree more! Love doesn't get any better than that.

~Deb said...

You already know my friend! :)

kathi said...

Awwww. I need a male deb or mad.

~Deb said...

I'll just let my mustache grow in fer' ya Kath! :)

Neers said...

and i envy you now!!! :)