Sunday, January 20, 2008

Chicken Soup for My OCD

Karma hit me. I’m sick. I’m coughing, sneezing, sniffling, hacking and whining like a little crybaby. My mom says my apartment is too clean – I disinfect way too much, leaving my immune system vulnerable to evil rotten germs. “Why ya gotta clean so much? You’re making your immune system weak!” That’s her theory. Try having OCD and hearing those words. I cringe. Antibacterial gels are in each room, just in case you need an extra squirt or two or three or four… I go above and beyond the call of my sanitary duties. At night, the sink has to not only be disinfected and “dry” – it also has to have a fresh wedge of lemon in the drain to kill any remaining germs leftover from whatever. It’s my deranged way of defining health.

My mom called me this morning and asked me how I was feeling. I tried hinting to her that I needed her delicious miraculous chicken soup cure, but she didn’t pick up on it. When I decided to bluntly indicate that her chicken soup heals me, she went into defense mode and screamed out, “I don’t have a chicken and it’s too cold out!” God I miss home. I even made a cry for help on my Myspace page and set my mood as “sick”. I also put my status message saying, “Deb needs one of her friends to bring her chicken soup! Any takers???” …Not. one. response.

Do unto others dammit!!! Guess that’s not working so great. I gotta try a different method here.
During this time of the year, I rarely see my nephew and 2 nieces for the fear I might get plagued with their infections. It seems as though they’re constantly sick. They even have new type of viruses that are out there:

Candidiasis ("Thrush")
Chagas disease
Chicken pox
Cytomegalovirus (the virus most frequently transmitted before birth)
Duchenne muscular dystrophy
Fifth disease
Rheumatic fever
Whooping cough

Recently, my nephew was diagnosed with the Fifth disease. I had no idea what that was to begin with. Apparently, it’s flu-like symptoms accompanied by a rash. They have to actually sort them out by name. When I was growing up, it used to be called 'having a cold or flu'. What the hell changed? More and more kids are in daycare and exposed to other children. They catch it, and then throw it right back at another kid as well as their parents and of course…aunts. It just never ends. I stay away. I love them dearly, but for the love of GAWD --- put those cute little tykes in a bubble!

I don’t mean to kvetch so much about this – but I’m a huge whiny baby when I’m sick, so bear with me. The fainéant side of my sickness will rear its ugly head and the post will soon come to an end…I promise.

What concerns me most of all is the lack of sensitivity that others display while being sick by shaking your hand upon meeting them. They’re holding a tissue in one hand and extending an olive branch with the other. Are you crazy? I always shoot back with a, “Oooooh, yeah, well see, I have a cold and I don’t want to get you sick,” even though he’s the sick pup trying to infect you. There should be a rule about shaking hands this time of year. I have that rule all year round – it’s more of a kosher-wannabe fantasy I’ve always had, but that’s neither here nor there. I never see my Hasidic friends sick. There may be something to this! ...YES YES? What about Bugs Bunny? He had OCD. Why do you think he kept telling the big gorilla to stop breathing in his cup? OCD. Of course it makes sense now, which is probably why he’s my favorite cartoon character of all time.

I will conclude this long-winded self-pity cry for help type of post with this: if you’re in the New York area and feel this strong urge to bring me some chicken soup – I will be eternally grateful. None of that cheap broth stuff either. Remember, do unto others, right?



Caroline said...

You know if I lived closer I would gladly bring you some Chicken Noodle Soup. Although, I don't know if you would like it since it would be from a can. (sorry, can't cook) :)

I hope you start feeling better.

~Deb said...

It'll do if it's Progresso! :) Thanks for even offering! What time will you be here?

Jay Cam said...

whooping cough sounds really nasty! at least you don't have that!

none of your mypsace friends took up your offer? ouch!! that must have hurt!
: )

~Deb said...

Jay: I used to have croup and whooping cough as a kid - in fact - I still have it because of my touch of asthma. But, all these various "new" diseases - or the "new names" are just alarming. And an update on my friend with Myspace, I just got a slew of replies, unfortunately, they all live on the west coast! Hmmm.

Todd HellsKitchen said...

Some of my best friends have OCD!

thewishfulwriter said...

i sick too :( my throat feels like a porcupine set up shop and cotton balls are growing in my brain.

hope you got your soup and you feel better soon!

Jeff B said...

Sorry my dear, I'm on the west coast, so dropping by with a bowl of soup is a bit out of the question.

If a long distance hug is any small consolation I'll be happy to through one your way. catch

Michelle (artscapes) said...

I hear you!!
You should see me with raw chicken. Eek...
I avoid anyone under the age of 17 at this time of year! LOL!
Where's my gel...??

SJ said...

Awww hope you get well soon.

Real Live Lesbian said...

Poor baby...I'd bring you some soup but I'm way down here in TN!

Feel better soon!

Matt-Man said...

Poor Thing...Get well soon. And Bugs Bunny? Damn straight, Bugs Rocks!! Cheers and well wishes Deb!!

Stealth said...

Get well soon, Deb.

DaBich said...

Hubby had such a sore throat, he had huge blisters on this tonsils and in his throat. Doc took swabs and sent them in for lab testing. Tested negative for Strep, looking for something else? meanwhile the antibiotic he was given is helping, they are shrinking and soon will be gone. I'd like to know WHAT the heck is is???

Feel better Deb...sleep is the best healer.

~Deb said...
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~Deb said...

Todd: Does it make you want to clean like a maniac before they come over to your place?

Thewishfulwriter: Now that’s some description! I hope you feel better too!

Jeff B: Awe – thank you, Jeff! You’re the best! I’m feeling much better today…so it must have been the cross-country hug you sent!

Michelle: Raw chicken – that gets the works! I’m a freak with that. You sound like my kinda’ gal!

SJ: Thanks a lot! Feeling much better today.

Real Live Lesbian: It’s the thought that counts – thank you!!!

Matt-man: Bugs is the best! And just think – Bugs Bunny really caters to adults. When I was a kid, I barely understood some of his jokes. Now as an adult, I totally appreciate him more. Cheers to you Matt!

Stealth: Thank you!

Dabich: That sounds like he must have had tonsillitis - which you described. A good all around antibiotic should knock it right out! I hope he feels better!

Deb said...

Y'know, since I have been doing the purell thing, I've been more ill than before. So, it is an interesting theory.

Pittchick said...

If I lived near you, I would make you some chicken soup!

It's funny you mentioned this, I was at the bank the other day and the teller was hacking all over the money she was about to give me! I was disgusted. Money is dirty enough, I didn't need her germs too!

Comrade Kevin said...

I have OCD tendencies myself, particularly regarding on the obsessive side. I obsess easily about doing things perfectly and agonize about what I've said to other people, running what I've said in response to them over and over again in my head in the hopes that I'll make improvements next time.

How exhausting for the both of us.

*sends you chicken soup*

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

This is a very creative post Deb. Excellent job.

Chicken soup cures anything and everything—at least that was my maternal grandmother’s philosophy.

It seems that as more and more MDs specialize, more and more categories and sub-categories emerge. That makes it difficult for the rest of use. Often, when someone asks me why I now have a nose hose, I simply reply: “There’s a whole bunch of illnesses, all referred to by a bunch of letters, and I can’t remember that letters.”

Grant said...

You would make a great maid. I'm clean by single hetero male standards, which means you probably think I have furniture made of compressed grime and that I make soup in the toilet bowl for easier cleanup. Lucky guess. Anyway, if you're ever in town, drop by and clean my place. I will gladly make you soup, although I think miso and green tea are healthier. Look at me - invulnerable to disease. I sneezed twice in one day last week, and that's the sickest I've been in recent memory. It must be the clean living - Kentucky bourbon, German beer, Japanese food - or maybe it's my super devil powers that protect me.

I command you to feel better. And please be aware that the whole do unto others thing will only get oral sex out of me.

TK Kerouac said...

I have OCD to
but more of the obessive Compulive thinking variety

I'd bring you the soup if you invited me to NY.

Get well soon!!!!!!!!

~Deb said...

Deb: That’s what my mother says! She always sighs and groans when after we go shopping and from holding the carts for an hour or so, I go right to my Purell and squirt a generous amount. She refuses because she says that I’m weakening my immunity and that I need to be exposed to whatever germs come in contact with me. Something doesn’t sit right with me on that – yet it does kind of make sense. I’ll risk it.

Pittchick: Awe, thank you! Money, regardless is just dirty anyway. But, I hate it when someone sneezes or hacks on anything they’re about to hand over to me. Ew!

Comrade Kevin: I can just imagine you sitting there trying to make an outgoing message for your voice mail. (ha!!!) I’m the same way – hoping no one is listening. “Hi, you’ve reached---no no no… Hi, I’m not home right now, but if if if – no no no no.” You get it.

Nick: Thank you! Isn’t it true though – chicken soup DOES cure everything! I had to settle for turkey soup. Do you think that by taking too many antibiotics that our systems develop immunity to it all? They advise not to take them unless you are really really sick. And yes, the letters are endless.

Grant: How do I ever respond to that one, Grant? You are a complete dreamboat! Hrmmm… Well, I’ll clean your house under one condition – you clean it before I get there. Also, I heard from a Japanese man that if you eat a lot of protein, like steak, eggs, sushi and beer – that you can beat the cold. I did just that – had two eggs in the morning, ate steak and had a beer – and voila – cold is gone. They say there’s something in the protein that diminishes the illness. The Japanese rely on this technique. Works like a charm. As far as you not getting sick, I think it’s the fires of hell that compel any germ from living…donchya’ think???
Love ya my little devil!

Tk Kerouac: Come to NY!!! Yeah I have a touch of the compulsiveness side. I tend to check a billion times if I left the stove on. But, isn’t that for safety measures? (I’d like to think…)

Art said...

I hope you feel better soon, Deb!

~Deb said...

Thanks Art! :)

Nancy said...

Oh gee, Deb, please take care of yourself and feel better soon!