Wednesday, January 18, 2006

The Sky is Falling!

This winter has been up and down. Between 60 degree weather—to a zero degree freeze. One morning, you’ll wake up with a pile of snow on your front door, and the next morning—it’s a summer downpour with a warm breeze. The weather almost has the same personality disorder as I do. Has the weather gone to therapy yet? Does it have bipolar disorder? Or is it simply PMSing?

“Oh the glaciers are melting! It’s global warming! It’s the end of the world!” Oh what—we went up one friggin’ degree and these people on the Discovery channel want to get their ratings up and tell you that the sky is falling. Let’s get everybody into paranoia-mode. Great. More money for our fellow psychiatrists.

“Did you hear about New York? There’s going to be a category five hurricane. It happens every 70 years, and we’re due for one!” One girl says to me, as I’m on line at the pharmacy picking up my medication. Luckily I was next in line in case I really freaked out. Just pop a few pills and pat the girl on the back and then say, “Now now, everything’s gonna be alright.” Then walk away with a big smile.

I can’t go anywhere without someone telling me that the world is coming to an end. “Revelations! Oh dear God! Jesus is coming today!” A pastor says, as I sit in church and wonder when the steeple’s going to come crashing on my head. The sermon was about ‘big brother’ and how cameras are put out everywhere to invade our privacy—and act of the devil. To me? It's an act of security. Bush is out listening to everyone’s phone calls. Oh yeah right—like he wants to hear someone phone bonin’ their girlfriend or talk about their family problems. Doesn’t he have enough to deal with? For crying out loud--he’s out playing golf people! In my opinion, I feel safe that he’s tapping the phone lines. He wouldn’t do it to ‘you’ or ‘me’ per se, but he would tap the lines of those suspected in terrorism. People—get a friggin’ grip here!

This morning I thought I was going to meet my creator. I woke up with a shooting pain going up my arm and then into my chest. It literally slammed me right back down on the bed. I immediately popped an 82 mg of aspirin that I was advised to take everyday---until the news came on and said that my brain could start bleeding. Great. That’s such lovely thought. Damn nimrods and their new reports. “New studies show that aspirin may not be so great to take in case of a heart attack.” No—a triple bypass may do the trick!

Anyway, I call Madelene up at work and tell her about my problem. She comes rushing over to pick me up and take me to the emergency room. What? Call 911? Did you even read my previous post? I’d be left for dead.

Madelene’s driving like old lady Perkins with all the time in the world. I might as well have said my goodbyes to everyone on my cell phone and make out my will right there in the car. I didn’t want to say anything, because she was nice enough to bring me.

We walk into the emergency room and they throw me in with a nurse named ‘Debbie’. The room spelled like funky whatever, and I didn’t want to breathe in—making my pain even more intense.

“My name is Debbie, and I’ll be your nurse.”
“Hi, I’m Debbie too.”
“Oh how funny!”
“So what’s bothering you today?”
“Shooting pain up my arm into my chest. I think I’m having a heart attack.”
“Does it hurt when you move your arm?”
“A little.”
I said, as I moved my arm around to check.
“Heaviness in the chest?” The nurse asked.
“Pain in the chest area though?”
“What kind of work do you do?”
“I’m a writer and do a lot of computer work.”
“Sounds like carpal tunnel.”
“Typing all day. Your nerves are all related and even go into your chest. Your vital signs are normal.”
She says, as she takes the blood pressure machine off me and clips off the contraption she placed my finger in to check for my oxygen level.
“Wait behind that curtain for the doctor and he’ll be right with you. Also, please remove your clothing and put that gown on.” She suggests.
“Thanks.” I said grudgingly.

All this for carpal tunnel? I want to go home! I have to use the bathroom so bad and I don’t want to use the ER’s restroom for obvious reasons. I’m almost freaking out because it’s flu season, and people are breathing all over you in here. I’m definitely going to come down with something. Thank God I brought my antibacterial gel with me.

After waiting thirty minutes for the doctor, he comes walking in with a big smile. So, I smiled back to him. He was a tall black man with the nicest teeth I have ever seen on someone. I think he was smiling just to show his choppers off. Probably veneers.

“Well hello…(he looks at my chart to check my name) Debbie!” He shakes my hand with his damp hand.
"Oh--that's alcohol, don't worry." He says.
"Oh me too!" I said, now having my OCD rear its ugly head. I said it as if we had something in common.
“Chest pains, huh? You have to big of a smile to be having chest pains.”
“Well the nurse made a joke and said I had carpal tunnel.”
“Well, let’s take a look.”
As he chuckled and got his stethoscope out to hear what’s brewing in my chest.

“Left ventricle……right ventricle…..aorta………sounds good to me." He says, as he points to each member of my heart. "I’m going to ask you a few questions.”
“Family history of someone dying of a heart attack in your immediate family?”
“No yet.”
“One cup.”

“We can certainly check you out with the EKG, but even if it shows nothing---it doesn’t mean you’re not having a heart attack. We have to do it anyway for insurance reasons.”
Those words just didn't sit well with me.
“Other than that, you seem very healthy to me.” He said, as he smiled and left me lying on the bed that someone may have died on. Yes—these are the thoughts that go through my mind.

“Come on Madelene! Let’s get outa’ here!” I said in a loud whisper, as I threw my hospital gown off and started fastening my bra.
“But he has to check you!”
Madelene! Didn’t you hear him? I’m fine, and even if I was having a heart attack, it would still appear as ‘normal’----it’s all a business. If God wants me to go---then he’ll take me now.”

We scrambled out of that germ infested hospital and went home. I’m so sick and tired of going to the ER for an anxiety related problem. The doctors insist that I can’t possibly be having a heart attack at the age of thirty-one. I’m too young. Then I see on the news that some kid that was twenty-five years old drops dead due to a massive heart attack. Who am I to believe? Everyone is telling me I’m alright. I’m not! In fact, my family doesn’t even believe me anymore when I tell them that something is wrong with me.

“Oh it’s all in your head.”

That’s great. So when I actually do have a heart attack—they’ll think I’m crying wolf. My sister believes that I’m going to live to be 120 years old due to all my hospital and doctor visits for being a hypochondriac. That’s probably true, but I don’t want to risk not going to a doctor if something doesn't feel right. I told my family, that when I die, I want them to engrave the words, "I told you something was wrong with me!" on my tombstone.

For the next few months, I refuse to watch the news or health shows on TV. It literally makes me insane. The new studies, the new reports of what not to eat, and what the FDA has pulled off the shelves which are all stored in my cabinets. I refuse to listen of stories telling me that vegetables carry more bacteria than an uncooked chicken. Yes---the news reported that the other day. And I’m not going to watch anymore weather channel stories. I’m practically living in fear, and soon enough I’ll be typing out of a damn bubble.

I need to go drink my wine now and wait for the new ice age. If you don’t hear from me within a few days---don’t call 911!!! They'll never come.


blackops said...

Well my friend you have said a mouthful there--I didnt realize you had all this going on. I guess I had an idea but WHOA and Wow! Well I will keep in touch since New Yawk will be the new Antarctica and if you need some ice cubes for your vodka, you can have some of mine. Should you not get this message in time due to your frozen and alcohol induced coma state, I will just assume I have to wait till the equitorial ice caps melt and I'll come a knockin to check on ya.

Bhakti said...

First of all, I told you what to do to rid yourself--or at least ease the effects--of the anxiety, but you don't seem to want to follow Bhakti's orders. So, I'll not mention it again.

However, I would like to say that it is difficult to deal with anxiety issues when other people think you are being a hypochondriac. Fortunately and unfortunately for me, agoraphobia and panic attacks run rampant in my family, so no one thought I was being a hypochondriac when I suffered from them 10 years ago. Believe you me, you're not being a hypochondriac, as anxiety does manifest physiological symptoms once it goes beyond the emotional stage.

And, carpul tunnel causing chest pains?? I've suffered from carpul tunnel for over 25 years due to excessive guitar, mandolin, and drum playing. Never in my life have I ever had chest pains!? I've never heard that before.

Sounds to me like you need to move somewhere where there is a reputable 911 service; a good hospital; and a doctor that will proscribe you something for your anxiety disorder. I know you probably don't want to take anything, but, really, it sounds like you're being tortured, or at least controlled by your symptoms. That sucks.

In other news, did you take that last photo?? It's beautiful.

~Deb said...

Blackops: Yeah, a lot has happened today---and I have been under a lot of stress lately. Needless to say----I have to apologize to all my friends that I haven’t gotten back to lately. I’m sure they understand. Oh, believe me, right now I am enjoying my cocktail and my phobias seem to be disappearing with each glass of wine.

Bhakti: I told you I will NOT give up my alcohol damn it! You don’t listen to me! (hehe) Thank you for your advice, but I’m a happily alcohol stricken woman. Just like I’m a happily married woman. Ha!

You are right----I do play guitar, sometimes 2 hours per day, and type all friggin day as well. So yes, carpal tunnel would be possible. It’s not a good enough diagnosis for me though. I need an extreme diagnosis in order to please my hypochondriac mind.

The first photo of the snow on the deck is mine, and the last photo of my office (with the glass of wine) is mine. The glacier photo of course, is not mine. But it will be once it floats over to New York! Thanks for the compliments on the photos.

The sky is falling!!!

green said...

OK, STOP RIGHT THERE. I think you hit the nail right on the head. When it's your time to go, you're going. When God calls you home, you are outta here! Hasta LA VISta baby!

Check out Matthew 6:25-34 & 10:28-31.

Eventually someone will determine that breathing is bad for your health. That "everything" is bad for you in some way, shape or form. I say, live life to the fullest, go out with a bang (hardedned arteries, damaged liver - you name it) .

But I am not advocating not going to the doctor regularly. I'm just saying *try* not to worry as much about things that are out of your control...

Ok so maybe I got a tad bit off base here...

marcy_peanut said...

The sky is falling? Depends where you're standing, no?

Anyway, I have a new post. It's funnier than my funniest post ever. It might be just what you need to fix your ailing ails.

Bhakti didn't say to give up the alcohol...she has said that in the past, but didn't say it again. She's not a victrola. How do I know this? 'Cause she's too cool for school.

Anyway, the photos rock. And the glacier looks like it may take awhile to reach your abode where ever you abide.

marcy_peanut said...

Death is bad for your health.
And it's inevitable.
Everything we do leads to death.
Except that which leads to birth.


Shannon said...

I was going to ask the same question, about the pics.. they are stunning.. that last pic has me captivated. Maybe it's the shades of blue or the reflection of the glass, I dunno. But you have a nice desk !!! LOL

Anyways, it is true when it is your time to go, it's your time to go..

As for worrying about the unknown and the wholw "The world is coming to an end" thing.. BLOCK IT OUT!! They will drive you to drink.. No one knows when the end is but the lord up above... everything eles you hear is just gossip...

As for the Glaciers.. they won't effect our lives or the lives of our children.. (atleast keep telling me that).. Just enjoy everyday.. worry free, because worrying won't change anything anyways...


~Deb said...

Green: You’re so right though… I mean, they’re going to throw out a slew of reports about what we thought was safe to eat or consume, and we can’t do a damn thing about it but live each day as it were our last. But then again---do we ever really do that?

Marcy: My sky is your sky sweetie! I’m gonna have to check out your new post. I thought you said to give up the alcohol to relieve my anxiety? No? But it actually soothes it, until late at night when it wakes my tired ass up to say, “HA HA! Psyche!!!

Shannon: Thank you for the compliments on the pictures. I love my office---it has a huge window overlooking a beautiful view, and when it snows---it’s even that much more beautiful. I had to get that picture in there. The one of my deck, well, that was taken the same day.

About the ‘unknown’…I preach it all the time, but then my anxiety stricken mind says, “OH NO! I’m gonna die today! I’m not ready!” So does it make me a hypochondriac? Probably. Thanks so much for your inspiring words. I appreciate it.

marcy_peanut said...

I thought you said to give up the alcohol to relieve my anxiety? No?

I said it twice...but I didn't say it again today, cause I ain't gonna say it again. I'm not a broken record. Just saying what worked for me. If it ain't workin for you to give it up, then that's fine, too. I just don't wanna preach. (why am I talkin' like I ain't never read a book??)

Clinton P. Desveaux said...

I'm not impressed with the weather at all. No snow and warm days means no ski time.

~Deb said...

Make up your mind Marcy! (xxoo)

Clinton: It doesn't impress me sinuses are horrendous. Forgettabout' skiing--I'm bad enough on my own two feet. I guess that would be the alcohol part...Marcy will back me up on that one... ;)

velvet said...

If it was truly done illegally then I feel less safe with the government tapping phones. It's the same kind of thing dictators in 3rd world countries do to their "minions".

He would do it to anyone who he labels or could lable as a terrorist. Anti-war groups, PETA, Greenpeace, GLAAD, HRC, The Rainbow Coalition, etc.

Maybe I've been reading too much George Orwell, but "1984" sure does seem familiar...

Is that a twelve string guitar you play?

~Deb said...

I play both a six string and a twelve string...I never miss the G string though... ;)

Monica said...

Oh need to have another glass of wine. Maybe instead of going to the ER next time you should go right to your therapist's office...or maybe go there after the MD's discharge you with "you're fine!"
Obviously something is not right, and you deserve resolution to your very real medical issues.

And now Dr Mom is going to have some cherry pie (fresh baked--but frozen) and a glass of wine.

~Deb said...

Oh hell Monica---come join me at the local tavern down the road. Now that's where the real therapists are!

And...ummm..."fresh baked--but frozen cherry pie"----that's a total oxymoron!

kathi said...

I'm so ticked off at you. You come and tease me about my slip slidin in all the wrong places, tell me, was this before or after your trip to the er?? You snot.

I'm so glad you've got Maddie, she's so crazy about you. I have to take the asprin a day too (do you take bayers that's made for women with the extra calcium?)

If you ever feel like you need medical care, get it. I don't want anything to ever take you away from us (actually, I dont' care about anyone else here but me, but my being a selfish bitch shouldn't come as a surprise).

And the pics, girl...totally amazing. Love them. You should put more of your pics up here, mention your photo blog too. :)

Love ya!!!

barman said...

To much to say that I forgot most of it. The asprin thing, I believe they said that the asprin worked best for men as for as heart attacks and for the women as far as strokes were concerned. They said it was becuase Men were in greater risk for a heart attach and women for strokes. The thing I saw did not really say it was bad.

Stress ... stress is a terrible thing. It would not surprise me if that is a big part of your ills. I know my sister ended up in the ICU for a few days and I think it was stress that put her there.

I am terrible about finding out what the symptomes are of something and then I have it. When I went through my big block of tests to see what was wrong with me I am surprised I made it through. For a one week period I made three un planned visits to the doctors. I was sure I was having a problem. I even went to the ER for fear of a heart attack. No dice. I am really thinking, for some reason, I am experiencing anixiety attacks in August. It has happened two years in a row, go figure.

Anyway, I am glad your made the ER visit but sad to hear how it turned out. Not that they said you were OK but the rest of it.

Sorry, for going on and on. I hope you are doing better and have a drink on me... somehow. Take care of yourself.

Romeo Jensen said...

okay... seriously we are related... you kinda look like the Fabrizi side of my famly anyway (beautiful Italian women)and you sound just like my aunt cheryl... wait... she married into the family so that doesnt count

anyway... gunna get warm here again this weekend

romey :)

Romeo Jensen said...

oh and anybody that reads the above comment by me... you will note that all Deb will see is the (beautiful Italian women) subliminal... she's such a girl

Walking Contradiction said...

Deb, your old lady (check that)- significant other, is a GOD SEND to take care of you like that! She's a keeper, and marry her wouldya??

Walking Contradiction said...

To QOUTE you :

[So my fear of walking in the grocery store by myself has now gone to an all time high. I told Madelene, if I ever have a heart attack, I want a bracelet on my wrist saying, “Please call Madelene---screw 911!” I’ll trust her to shuffle me up to the ER—believe me, she’s done it numerous times before.]

More true words never spoken.

Natalia said...

My dad is a mum has not been in to any doctor in over 10 years...I'm somewhere in the middle :) I feel you much stuff the tell you on the news about your health and so many resources online... it's crazy stuff.

Glad all is OK though :)


~Deb said...

Kathi: You’re too funny. This happened the very day I wrote that post. It happened January 18th, 2006. Not the past! I wish it were—but my disorders are showing their true colors more and more everyday! I always feel that if anyone thinks they should get medical treatment—even if ‘it’s all in their head’---get it. You never know.
Thanks Kath----yeah I didn’t create a photo blog, not sure if I will, but it’s a thought! I appreciate it! xxoo

Barman: You’re exactly right! Stress is a huge factor with visits that are thought to be heart related. Stress can do crazy things to you. I was doing fine for a while there, but I do know what triggers my stress----yet-----I don’t know it at the time. I’m trying to avoid anything or anyone who stresses me out the most. I think that’s my main problem on top of my anxiety disorder. Thanks for sharing that with me. Never apologize for going on and on---hell—that’s the name of this blog! Feel free! I love it when people can relate---OR--simply laugh at my psychotic life and trips to the ER. (hehe)

Romey: We are related—definitely! Too many character traits to mention for one, but I’m not sure about the beautiful Italian woman bit, ~however~ flattery will get you everywhere my dear.

Walking Contradiction: Thank you for saying that. She is God send---and I appreciate every single moment with her. She goes beyond her means to make me happy—no woman has ever done that for me—ever. I count my blessings everyday. Not only is she such a caring person, but she’s so understanding, generous, funny, warm-hearted and on top of that---she’s gorgeous! (In my eyes)

Natalia: Whenever it comes to the health segment of the news, I automatically turn it off because I know it’s going to have something to do with what’s in my cabinets. I hate that. Being in the ‘middle’ is a good thing. You’re not too obsessed with it, nor do you just avoid any symptoms. I wish I was in the middle!

Saur♥Kraut said...

Hang in there, hon. Keep taking your meds, they'll help. If it makes you feel any better, there are lots of people with different varieties of anxiety disorders, so you have company.

I love this post as usual, but disagree about Bush. It doesn't matter if its currently harmless. It's that it happened at all, and that it might (one day) not be harmless. We have our right to privacy. And if we let them whittle away our rights now, we won't be able to get them back later (when we may need them).

For instance, what if the next group declares that gays are dangerous and makes it illegal to be gay? If you're fraternizing with gays, or engaging in any gay activities, you'll get thrown in prison! Suddenly you don't want anyone tapping into your conversations, right?

Sheen V said...

Better safe than sorry. Up until recently I thought my life-long stuffed up nose was just due to allergies, even with the medication. Recently I was having problems swallowing, and a sore voice. Went to the ENT and found out I had 'silent reflux' that was causing the sore vocal cords, polyps in my nasal passages that interfered with breating, and stress that was causing the swallowing problems. Argh! Everything is getting better now that I'm being treated.

~Deb said...

Saurkraut: Do you live in America? Do you realize that we just killed bin Ladin’s right hand man? Do you know the dangers of retaliation we have in front of us?

Terrorism and ‘being gay’ are two different animals. That was an ignorant comment made on your part—I’m surprised that you would say that! Bush tapped the lines for “suspected” terrorism----to do what? To protect you. Although Bush doesn’t believe that gays should get married, he’s smart enough (believe it or not) to know that we’re not dangerous. Believe me, he has better things to do than to tap into ‘our’ lines. He’s doing it to those suspected. Big difference.

Sheen: That’s my motto. Better safe than sorry! I have the swallowing problem too. (Shut up Romey!) I know he’ll make some funny comment with that one. That’s all anxiety related on my part----but sometimes it’s actually a physical symptom. Glad you got that treated. Hope you feel better.

Mike S said...

Hi Deb,

I live my entire life very similar
to yours in the hypochondriac sense.I've been in and out of
hospitals more times than I can
think of.Now they just pull up
my charts and mutter "oh you again".You're fine Mr.Starke,
it shows that you were here for
the same problem back in 1999,
2001,2002,2004".(They must of
threw away my records from 1987
to 1995).

So now I am thinking
to myself that I have become the
"boy that cried wolf" and if there
really is a real medical crisis
that they won't believe me and
I won't get help the next time.Aaaaaah!It's a crazy
vicious circle we live in!!!

Go out to a local vitamin store
and get Omega-6 Double Strength
Fish Oil Gel Caps,they are just
good to take as studies show
that it lowers cholesterol,defends
against high blood pressure and
possible strokes and is excellent
for the heart as it keeps the arteries clear.Take two a day
with a meal.A few glasses of
red wine are very good for you,
my grandma preffered about 3 or
4 strong vodka martini's or gin
and tonics a day and she lived til she was 90.

~Deb said...

Mike S: That is EXACTLY what my doctor said while I was in the hospital! Hmmmm.... Very interesting. He explained to me to keep taking the fish oil and to drink red wine---to prevent a heart attack.

Thank you so much for sharing that with me. I appreciate it!

Mike S said...

I left you a post above this one.
I just want to say one more thing.
I agree with what Barman says.
Stress will definitely bring out
every imaginable symptom,I should
know,I have lived it,so has my
mother.I always think of an old
fashioned alarm clock ringing and
ringing loudly away and then when
it exploded you see all the wires
and stuff hanging out.That's what
happens to people like us who have
anxiety and stress,our wires go
haywire and then we get dizzy,
pain in our arms,fast heartbeat,
panic,aching muscles,muscles
twitching and so on and so on.
I keep Zanax with me at all times
as a safety net,but I hardly take
one until bedtime.If I am not drinking myself to sleep then
I am taking Zanax.When I fall
asleep on my own without any aide
it's a rare occassion and I am
darn proud that I achieved it.
But very rare event indeed,lol.
Think seriously about the Omega-6
Fish Oils gel caps,you can get
them at a local GNC if you have
them where you are.Oh by the way,
your dad was absolutely right for
scaring away the dog with a shot
by his foot into the pebbles and
your neighbor's got away with so
much in court.Someone mentioned
that they may of had connections
to of NOT get charged with trespassing,assault and NOT having
a dog on a leash.You dad was sweet
and noble to protect your mom and
yourselves.Dad's a good egg!! I'm
Italian on my mom's side of the
fasmily(Papsidero)and German on my
late dad's side.Aaaaaah nothing wrong with a little pasta every now
and then with fresh basil and parsly leaves and mom's homemade
marinara!!Gonna have some of that
tonight over at her condo here in
Southern Florida.Come check my blog
out Deb so I will have your name to
click on and check your blog periodically.I don't know how to
save "my fav't blog links" as I am
not very computer literate :O)

lurker_in_ny said...

Your answer is right in your last photo. Wine is the key to longevity. Awesome shots!

marcy_peanut said...

Make up my mind??

I said it already!!!! My whole point was that I'm never gonna mention it to you again! that was my point. In fact, I think you should go get loaded!!! :)

Now, if you want to pee your pants with laughter, check out my latest post!!!! :P

~Deb said...

Mike, you sound like a male version of me. I really appreciate you sharing that with me on my blog.

Lurker, AMEN buddy!

Marcy, I did look at your post- and I even commented you silly twit you! Now I'm off to get loaded! You should join me. (hehe)

Mike S said...

Hi Deb-

Thanks for coming over to my blog.
I love to listen to classic rock,
old r&b and soul,and even some
50's rock n' roll.My fav't band
of all time are The WHO from
England.The recent photos are of a shirtless Simon Townshend who is legendary Pete Townshend's younger brother and is the rhythm guitarist and back up vocalist in The WHO.He also moonlights in his
own band as lead singer,songwriter
and lead guitarist in a band called
the Casbah Club.Then there are pics
of the late WHO bassist John Entwistle,lead singer Roger Daltrey,drummer Zak Starkey(who
is the son of Ringo Starr and
has been drummer for The Who
for 10 years now).The other funny
close up pic is of WHO guitarist
and songwriter Pete Townshend.
Then there are photos of Zak
Starkey that we spotted coming out
of a NYC deli when we were in NY
to see The WHO at MSG.We have been
to NYC to see The WHO in 2000,2002
and 2004 for a total of 9 shows.
So,alot of the photos are of The
WHO and going back even farther
are other various concert photos
that I have taken such as Robby
Krieger of the Doors,Robert Plant,
Buddy Guy etc etc. I have played
guitar in the past but I haven't
done so in the past 5 years as
I had sold my guitar and amp on
ebay back in 2000 to buy tickets
for The WHO tour.The WHO take to
the road this summer and I will
be looking forward to another string of 4 shows at Madison
Square Garden :O)Songs by The
WHO that you may of heard of
such as Pinball Wizard,Behind
Blue Eyes,Won't Get Fooled Again,
Who Are You and Baba O'Riley(Teenage Wasteland),the last
3 songs I mentioned are used
in the three different CSI tv
shows theme songs.Aren't you
glad you asked,Deb? LOL!

marcy_peanut said...

No thanks, I think I'll stick to the percocet! LOL!!

(BTW__ this was the second day in a row that we were leaving comments on each other's blogs at the exact same time. Freaky, huh?)

~Deb said...

Mike, the very first song I learned on my guitar when I was ten years old was "Behind Blue Eyes" by The Who. They're a classic!

Marcy, very freaky---huh? Giving me mental vibes and commenting at the same time...I think we may be sisters... ;) Your story was hysterical!

Leesa said...

You always have the most interesting stories. And you are risking life and limb to blog with us. Wow!

I am sure the doc was thinking (after the nurse made a diagnosis): "So the nurse is doing doctor's work again. One of these days, someone is going to sue this hospital's read off."

~Deb said...

Well apparently my illnesses that I report aren't 'life threatening', so therefore I am able to blog. (ha) One day I'll be on my death bed blogging about that too. The nurse always does the doctor's work. They should get paid their salary!

Saur♥Kraut said...

Deb, hon, you missed my point by a mile. Of course being gay isn't the same as terrorism. You're a 'friend' of mine, and I have other gay friends, and I'm just not that ignorant, either!

My point was that right now terrorism is a threat. But we're opening the door to surveillance for no reason whatsoever.

So...what if the next gov't... or even a gov't 10-20 years down the line, decides that another group is a threat (even if they're not)? My example was gays, because (as I'm sure you know) they were one of the groups that the Nazis (a fascist regime) persecuted.

What if the Nazis had had the ability to tap and snoop about in anyone's lives, and they were back in power using our modern technology and laws against us? And what if they took an unreasoning hatred toward gays? Or Jews? Or Christians?

If you think it can't happen, think again. I think that history is always due to repeat itself if we don't prepare and watch for it.

So my point is, they may have good motives now (or they may say that they do) but they are paving the way for the future governments to snoop into someone's life if they merely desire to, and sometimes it might not be so harmless.

Remember, I was a campaign consultant and manager to the Repubs for many years. I see what the neocons are doing, and I assure you that most of the old-line conservatives are truly troubled over this.

A violation of constitutional rights is not justifiable for any means.

Stephanie said...

Oh my gosh! This is frickin' hilarious! And not because I'm laughing at you, but because I'm laughing at US! You and I MUST converse over email and talk about all of this because I.AM.THE.EXACT.SAME.WAY!!!!!

Oh my gosh! What a relief! I thought I was the only one! lol!

Stephanie said...

Oh by the way: I LOVE the picture at the end - it's a dream!

~Deb said...

Saur: Thanks for explaining that. I really thought you were referring terrorism with gays---but I do see your ‘example’.

The thing is, I welcome Bush to tap into my lines, if it means safety for all of us. If we’re not hiding anything---then why are we all freaking out about him watching over certain people? I promise you he’s not tapping into your lines, unless there were major concerns. Now that Bin Ladin’s right hand man is down, I bet you anything in this world that more and more lines are going to be tapped, more streets are going to have cameras for suspected people with ‘suspicious luggage’ and other shady looking characters. To me---this gives me a sense of security. We’ve come a long way regarding the Nazis, but they are still out there. I live one town over from the KKK group. We’ll always have ‘haters’, and that’s just life--- but I doubt that those type of people would have the ability to monitor America as the government could. Yes, I understand that you worked for the republican party for many years, but in my opinion, we are already in a holy war with the Muslims (al Quaida) and that’ll never end. So we need to be prepared, even if that means tapping into people’s phone lines who are suspicious. I seriously don’t want another 9/11 to happen, nor do I want some suicide bomber to succeed in killing our friends and family. I’m sure you don’t want that to happen either. Thanks for explaining that to me though. I appreciate it Saur!

Stephanie: You’re ~one of me~??? Let’s lock ourselves up in a looney bin and tell each other knock knock jokes. I’m at my wits end with my manias and phobias. I’ve had it! You with me?

velvet said...

If you think the government doesn't care about gays and lesbians, remember what the Pink Traingle represents.

I agree with SAURKRAUT. There are just too many examples of the government spying on us.

Our government has established "Operation TIPS" where millions of Americans act as informants and can report any suspicious activity they observe. You can label your mail carrier, your nieghbor, or your local grocery clerk as a terrorist and they can be put under surveillance. Operation TIPS read: Big Brother or The Night Watch.

What about those handy-dandy little discount cards from the grocery store and RIFF tags (I found one in a book I bought and secret operatives in France during WW2)? That info is collected...what do they do with it? Monitor whether you bought regular or cage-free eggs? If cage-free, will I one day be considered an environmental extremist because a farmer in WI lost some profits and is resentfu? Under the Patriot Act they can be forced to hand that stuff over as well as medical records, library habits, etc.

Then there is the UCLA Republican alumni group who is offering to pay $100 to students to report "extremist" instructors (LA Times). What cash strapped student wouldn't pass up a hundred bucks? If you do a good enough report for these guys, maybe they'll pay you could make a lot of dough...isn't that spying in a way?

Activist judges.
The Patriot Act.
Family values.
All the buzzwords that chip away at the fabric of our freedom.

This is exactly how Nazi germany got its claws into the german population. I do a lot of research on the resitance fighters from WW2, so I see a lot of history being repeated now and frankly, it scares me.

If I am wrong about Bush, I will admit it willingly, who'd want to be right about this stuff?
I feel pretty confident that I am on the right track.

~Deb said...

Of course…Operation Tips is for “suspicious activities”. Hell—I’d do it if it meant getting people who were a threat to us. We’re not talking about your average American like you or me—we’re talking about terrorists who have killed many people.

Those RIFF tags that you speak of are to monitor which ones they profit under. Just with any sales, they want to know how many people are purchasing what. It’s all about monitoring profits---not terrorism or seeing if you’re an environmental extremist. What’s next? Monitoring PETA members? They have to see where their profits are coming from so they can continue to make a living.

All I know is, I feel pretty damn safe when all eyes are focused on suspicious looking people who are threatening our family and friends. If we don’t ‘keep an eye out’, they’ll be absolute chaos in our world—more so than what you’re seeing now. Less security because people are whining about their privacy, and more horrible events such as 9/11. Let’s keep it real, and start to realize that we’re safer being watched than ignored.

Thank you for your comment Velvet! I appreciate your views...

joey♥ said...

i don't see why everyone's making such a big deal out of the phone tapping. people love to hate bush.

hope you feel better.

i want shakira too, haha.

Saur♥Kraut said...

Velvet got it right when he said This is exactly how Nazi germany got its claws into the german population. I do a lot of research on the resitance fighters from WW2, so I see a lot of history being repeated now and frankly, it scares me.

I studied WW2 history. And let me tell you, it's not far-fetched to say that we could head in that direction. I so wish and hope I'm wrong, but I see so many signs that are just paving the way. And I think it's easy to whip the masses into hatred. Remember, it's often better to get them to focus on a supposed threat, and keep them distracted from the real ones. So... I worry. A lot.

~Deb said...

Joey: As a lesbian, I’m prohibited from ‘hating bush’.

Saurkraut: Your concerns are valid. I wouldn’t worry too much about it in my opinion. I just feel safer knowing the government is on guard. There are so many legal guards to prevent such incidents as WW2. America is a strong country, which I believe only wants to protect us --- keep us more secure with less threat of terrorism. With that, I feel safe…and I don’t worry as much.

Crassius Maximus said...

I'm glad youse aiight! I don't know what we (bloggers) would do without our most highest priestess!
As far as de wire taps, just don't use what is said to convict washed up semi pro football players of pot use.

~Deb said...

The wings crass---the wings... (You know what to do.)

Casually Me said...

Live, there a difference? I fear not as I care not. A complete lack of respect for the law, as Jackie Gleason said (or at least mumbled in the trucker movie with Bert, I wish I had a better hair piece, Reynolds. Jackie was a world class drunk, sometimes downing 6 bottles of wine during lunch while on set. So if Jackie says a complete lack of respect for the law is ok, (well he implied it,) then it's ok for us regular folks. I just added to it a complete lack of respect for anything, the law being too you are well..or as well as today's world allows. Once in a while I think the unabomber was right, well except for the bombing of people. His manifesto had a lot of good points, or maybe I am just as

know_yourself said...


Gyrobo said...

Heart attacks aren't just for old people. Children sometimes have them.

Just look at those kids with progeria- the rapid aging disease! They're dead before they're 20. Heart attacks and stroke.

Romeo Jensen said...

this bites... you get all the cool comments like nazi's... the patriot act... gay bashing christians... all I ever get is tips on how to remove a woman's bra with just one hand and what pick up lines work best.

where do I sign up to be a right wing christian lesbien blogger?

Stacy-Deanne said...

DAAAAAANG! 52 Comments? Deb that's the most I've ever seen on any blog! People love you, girl. Enjoyed the post! When you get a chance head over to my blog. I got a post about Women and Men's misconceptions about each other. The ladies and I were discussing flowers and candy. Most of us agree that the flowers and candy days are over, LOL! Are you a flower and candy lady? I'm not. Give me a gift that sparkles, LOL!

velvet said...

Careful might be on the most watched list after the unabomber comment :/

This just in:

~Deb said...

Casually: Well, we all live, and we all die… To me, no difference except for the human shell we live in. As far as the unabomber, goes, my father had an example of ‘good points’ with the OK bombing---(since my father hates the feds for obvious reasons)….He said it was because the feds killed everyone in Waco---so in retaliation, this man killed people in a ‘federal’ building. Doesn’t make it right- but people have points to make. Unfortunately innocent people get killed for it.

Know Yourself: After 31 years—still trying to. Believe me!

Gyrobo: I know! I see it on TV and it scares me. You know, my girlfriend’s little dog died of a heart attack at the age of 5 because he was scared to go to the vet. No one’s exempt on heart attacks—not even little cute dogs.

Romeo: Oh hell Romey, if you can let me in on the quickest way I could get a woman’s bra off---THAT would be great. That kinda stuff sells! I’ll trade topics with ya!

Stacy: I’m opting for people debating with me here. I love that people love to express themselves, and I always love a healthy debate and different point of views. Is it love? Naw…is it frustrating people with my wacky opinions? Probably. Stacy, if you give the gift that sparkles (especially if it’s from Tiffany’s) I’ll leave my girlfriend for you! No—not much into candy, but I can’t resists a dozen white roses. Ugh, love them.

Velvet: You stalking him again???

Amz said...

Deb, we are all terminal sweet heart. There is nothing wrong with being mortal...let it go :) Then only reason I say that is because if you were going to die tomorrow do you really want to spend today at the hospital? Heck no! Have great sex with your girlfriend, tell your family you love them, wear your favorite shoes and most importantly remember that no matter what it is going to be ok...heaven or no we all croak and there is jack squat we can do about it ;)

Phone bonin...I love that phrase! he ehe hee...I must use it 3 times tomorrow...hmmm, I can already think of who I'm going to tell. Oh and once again don't you know that I put a whole entry up about pms are we on the same schedule?

windowtomymind said...

I love your photo of your glass of red highlighted with blue background. And I have lived half my life with alcohol being the anesthesia by which I endure the operation of life. Call 911, I need a belly laugh.

Amz said...

wow...just took the time to read all the comments. where to start...hmm.

"As a lesbian, I’m prohibited from ‘hating bush’." You are a funny girl ;) I am a silly blonde...I was like, "hmm, but I thought most lesbians hated bush." I thought that 2 or 3 times. Then I said it outloud and haa ha haa...needless to say that is pretty funny.

Here's my deal on Bush...I have decided after his terms in office that I would never under any circumstances be the president of this country. It is a thankless job. There is no way with a country this large that you could possibly know everything going on let alone be on top of or ahead of information. The US President is the world's scape goat. No one takes responsibility for anything, no one fixes anything, all they do is sell or buy media propoganda. Period..end of my comment on that.

As for tapping our phone, they are just trying to make it legal so they can use the evidence gathered in court right? Do you honestly think that it doesn't happen illegally and without our knowledge already? Do you believe that if there is a conspiracy theory that they are playing by the rules? No, I think not...if there is one they are playing under the radar and making a list wether we like it or not.

I remember being told as a child that all of heaven could see everything you do every minute...when my great-grandmother died I remember I was so paranoid about her seeing me masturbate that I stopped for a to say human nature took over and I moved past that. Honestly, sorry ggm, but I could give a rat's ass if someone sees or hears me do anything. I am my own revolution. I am ME before I am any country. I follow what I feel is right in my heart every day and honestly could give a shit about laws one way or the other. Wow, there goes my mouth..let me tone it back down. The less laws there are the less legal recourse there is - not the other way around. We have to stop being a nation that looks to the gov't for rights to be written -- We must act as though ALL of our rights are already there and laws take away rights...not give them. As far as gay marriage goes...I have been divorced twice so I say if gays want to fuck up their sex lives and relationships go for it ;) Problem with marriage is that it should not be a LAW at should have nothing to do with the state! It is a religious affair truly...that is where it came from. I can't believe people will take God out of the Pledge but not determine that marriage should go as well based on its roots. What is corrupt is the legal system that forces marriage to be an issue because of money and kids and such -- again with the laws we created ending up hurting us.

I'm not an anarchist...I guess if I had to compartmentalize myself a bit for others to understand over the web I'd say I was economically conservative, liberal minded and socially consious on a local level. I don't know...this is such a long topic... I don't like hate, but I'm sick of this PC nation creating an undercurrent of passive agressive anger. When did we start monitoring people's rights to have feelings? As long as a person does not act up their feelings in a way that takes away the rights of another WHO THE FUCK CARES. We're a long way from perfection. People look to the gov't for morals instead of in their gut. The gov't is ours...we have to believe that...and if not we have to believe that we can toss the gov't out on its nose. I'm tired...I'm rambling...too late to discuss politics and revolutions with my monitor ;)

Guitar aye? I play as well...only for my dogs though. I have written a stack of songs almost 3 feet deep ;) I only picked up the guitar to further make song writing fun. I love music.

Oh..and one more thing. Xanex. Wow, my OLD dr that I no longer see had me on xanex xr twice a day plus 400mg of topomax at night for 2 years. Why? Because I was having anxiety and because I have never slept well. You know what though, sometimes anxiety is good. Stop stuffing your feelings and they will stop overfilling your chest. I ended up married to the most horrible person when I was so doped up and I blame it partially being because I couldn't feel it was wrong. My grandma, mom, sister, brother and I all have anxiety attacks. I went to the emergency room twice because I couldn't breath. They thought I had asthma and gave me an inhaler...LOL, MISTAKE! If you are hyperventilating do NOT use an inhaler...haa aha haa... Anyhow, I handle my anxiety on my own again. The meds were too much...too weird...I laugh a lot at myself and that helps. I allow myself to stay home if I want. I don't force myself to do anything. I really am starting to learn you have to 'feel' your way through life and no matter what you feel it is OK. Anger, sadness, overjoyed, retarded, silly, all of it! It is all good!

Jillian said...

Oh My!! I hope your feeling better!

The Stevo in H-Town said...

Hell, I alwayz thought the reason's lesbians are lesbians iz on accounta the LOVE "bush"..So do I, btw, but I do got issues with "W"...


Leesa said...

dtacy-deanne: ~deb is one of the most well-loved bloggers around. Most posts I have seen is more than 200 - I was poster 212 that day. Talk about a needle in a haystack.

Laura Elizabeth said...

"My sister believes that I’m going to live to be 120 years old due to all my hospital and doctor visits for being a hypochondriac."

I was wondering, for a minute, if you were my sister! :)

The nurse isn't totally wrong - have your shoulder checked out. I write (and type) all day long and don't sit in the chair properly and as a result my left shoulder is all sorts of screwed up. Something about the bursa in the shoulder blade. I guess it doesn't annoy me enough to pay attention to what the technical hoo-ha is about. In any event, periodically my arm goes numb; I get shooting pains in the arm and into the chest; my left shoulder blade is in constant pain. If I listened to my chiropractor sister-in-law, I'd have had this problem fixed years ago. As I said, it hasn't reached the really annoying point of forcing me to see a doctor. If you're comfortable with chiropractors, talk to a few about your symptoms.

The Bush administration has run rough-shod over the Constitution. Wire-tapping, listening to phone calls, without a warrant is a flagrant violation of the 4th amendment. It is an impeachable offense.

And that's only the tip of a melting iceberg.

kathi said...

Did I miss something?

kathi said...

Oh...I'm blown away that your favorite flower is white roses, I love white roses!! White roses and purple Iris's are my favorites.


Kathi's Conscience said...

Send her flowers Kathi.

Anonymous said...

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