Thursday, January 26, 2006

Mama Knows Best

If you all didn’t know by now, I’m the world’s biggest hypochondriac going. Anything that seems alarming to me—I’m at the doc’s office for a checkup. In the past year, I’ve been rushed to the emergency room more than twice, and rushed to the doctor’s more than a dozen times. Symptoms range from chest pains, which ended up to be an anxiety attack—or a muscle strain from lifting weights, and major headaches; which I seriously though I was having an aneurism or stroke.

The scary part is, anytime I have a pain or scream for help—I’m not taken seriously anymore. Madelene always takes me seriously, but she goes by protocol---she knows the drill: try to comfort her…if that doesn’t work, throw her in a bathroom full of steam…if that doesn’t work, off to the emergency room we go. A lot of my chest pains stems from my chronic bronchitis that turns into a full-fledged asthma attack. And at other times, it could just be anxiety. I can’t determine which is which. Thoughts in my head scream, “I’m dying! I’m dying!” Then I remember—I’m not breathing. How can someone forget to breathe? Isn’t that an involuntary action?

“Ya want a beer Debs?” Mom says, as I stand there holding my chest tight one evening. She knows that it’s most likely anxiety—so she offers me a beer.
“Sure ma…” I say, thinking maybe she’s right. It can’t hurt to find out.
“It’s probably gas!” She says, as she grabs me a beer. Lovely. I’m standing there thinking I’m dying and she’s blaming it on gas. She’s said that in front of people before too. It’s the most embarrassing statement ever!
“Burp it out.” She suggests.
“Ma! Come on! What do I look like?” I said—as a gulped down the beer like a hillbilly.

I’ll never forget the time when Madelene and I were separated for a couple of years. I had a date one night. I was getting ready to meet this girl at a restaurant nearby. I was really nervous, because it was one of my very first dates after my break up. I met the girl from a personal ad on the internet. We exchanged emails constantly, and then graduated to the phone. This woman had a personality like no other. We laughed all the time when we spoke. We decided it was time we finally met.

I remember hopping in my car, driving to Hallmark to pick up a “glad I met you card” (blank inside—had to write in my own words) and a box of chocolate truffles. I planned on keeping them in the car until the date was over; just in case I didn’t like her very much, I can always use a few chocolate pick me ups.

Immediately upon arrival at the restaurant, I park my car on the side of the road. I call my friend Lisa who was single back then as well. We were both in the dating pool trying to weed em’ out and select the lucky winner. Yeh.

“Lisa, I’m here already, she said she was driving a blue Camry….I am not sure if I dressed right or if she’ll like me.” I would tell Lisa all my worries and fears before my date, and she would always calm me down with words I needed to hear--even if it was bullshit. We did this for one another like two lunatics who just got out of an insane asylum.
“There she is! I gotta go! I hope I don’t trip on the way out of my car! These heels suck!—Call you later, I’ll tell you everything tonight.”

There she was, gorgeous, feminine, and dressed to the nines. Wow. Now that I know about her bubbly personality and great sense of humor, this is going to be good--unless she doesn’t dig me. Hmm. I approached her at the front of the restaurant. She hugs me…tight. Smiles from ear-to-ear on both of us, we talked for a few minutes, and then proceeded to enter the restaurant.

“So, did you have trouble getting here? Did you find it okay?” I asked just to start the conversation.

Why do people always say that once arriving somewhere that they are not familiar with? Of course they found it okay or they wouldn’t be sitting smack-dab in front of you nimrod! Sad but true, we say it as a conversation starter. Admit it--you do it too. Surprisingly, the conversation was quite boring. Where’s this waitress? I want a drink! Please loosen this girl up! It was as plain as day that this woman was extremely nervous, because her personality took a long vacation. Maybe it was me…who knows! I tried to talk, she tried, but nothing came out. Just blank stares across the table with a ‘teethy’ smile. Lord help me.

The waitress comes to my rescue. I try to be all impressive, and took it upon myself to order one of the best red wines they had. What a freak—I should have just ordered an Amstel Light and a shot of vodka like I normally do. No, I had to be an idiot and take the ‘hoity-toity’ road.

“I’ll just have a cup of coffee please.” My date says in a low toned voice.

Did I just hear this correctly? It’s me, a bottle of wine, and her drinking coffee? You got to be kidding!

“Am I keeping you up?” I chuckled to make light of things.
“Oh, no, I’m sorry, I just got back from an AA meeting. I have a problem with alcohol.”
“GULP!”

I felt so bad. If I would have known this girl had a drinking problem, I would have never, ever ordered something that would tease her temptation. I was Satan himself! It was way too late, because the waitress already popped the cork.
“Oh, please, I don’t mind if you have wine, in fact, it would make me uneasy if you didn’t drink it.” She said to me very convincingly.

I didn’t believe it, but what could I do now? I had to think of strategic moves in order to sip my wine. I even went as far as hiding the wine glass behind the bread basket. This was torture. I finally began to grasp the realization that I was not going to even drink this glass of wine, no less the whole entire bottle. The conversation was starting to liven up a bit, and she told me about her career as a massage therapist. Why are so many lesbians in this business? Please don’t answer that. Anyway, after dinner, I asked her if she would like to come over my house for some cappuccino. I make the best cappuccinos and delicious coffees, she had to give in. It was a cold winter evening, so I made a huge fire and the cappuccinos, as promised. She asked if it was okay if she smoked. I had no problem with it, although I am a reformed smoker—this was quite ironic. Reformed smoker dates reformed alcoholic. Lovely.

“Do you have lotion?” She asks as she sips her coffee and lights her cigarette for the tenth time.
“Excuse me? Lotion? Umm, sure. Be right back.” I get the lotion thinking that this chick is going to be aggressively forward. I was nervous. Why am I retrieving this lotion for her? Why did I agree? I could have simply said no, and that was that. I come back into the living room with a bottle of lotion in hand. She ducks out her cigarette and sits next to me on the couch.

“Do you know that massaging arms are very relaxing and stress relieving?” She said as she starts pumping the lotion into her hands.
“Hmm, I guess I’m fine with any part of my body being massaged.” I chuckled due to this awkward moment. She takes me left arm, and starts massaging this lotion on my forearm.
“I think forearms are very sexy.” She says as she rubs down my skin. Embarrassed over the fact that I shave and/or wax my arms, and usually don’t admit to it, I was glad it was freshly waxed that day, or she would have had stubble burn on her hands.

“You know, drinking is so awful for you. It really does a lot of damage to your liver. Drinking even can cause major health problems other than that.” This woman is lecturing me on drinking while she just puffed away half a pack of cigarettes in front of me while drinking her fourth cup of coffee that evening. Might as well just get it over with and smoke some crack! She was shaking like a leaf due to all the caffeine & nicotine intake. The nerve to lecture me you hypocrite! I brushed that comment off and said, “Ah well, we all have our evils.”

The night was coming to an end, and so was this arm massage. I decided that nothing else shaved or unshaved is going to get massaged. I walked her to the door and gave her the card and chocolates. I thanked her for a lovely evening. She reached over and kissed my lips very softly.

“Goodnight, thank you so much Deb.”
“Goodnight...” I closed the door and walked up to my bedroom so I can go to sleep. I should have aired the smoke out, but I was way too tired. As I was putting on my T.V. and getting into bed, my phone rings. It’s her.

“Deb, I just wanted to say I had such a great time with you. I got a 'ping' with you--major chemistry. Do you want to go out for dinner tomorrow again?”
“Oh, yeah, great.” I replied--too tired to dabble deeper into that comment.

Why did I say yes? Why did I just accept another date with this woman? Am I insane? I can’t even drink comfortably around her. That evening, I had a drink before meeting her. I went downstairs to where my mother lives, and I had a glass of wine. I told my mother about the dilemma I was having about my ‘date’.

“Ma, she’s got a problem with alcohol and goes to AA, so I feel like I can’t have a drink around her. I don’t want to tempt her.” I said, hoping my mother could give me some encouraging words.
“Oh Debbie! You can’t date her! Come on now! If you ever brought her to one of our family’s function---she’ll be knocked off that little wagon so fast—she won’t know what hit her! Are you kidding? You can’t date her! Why are you going?”

Words of wisdom from my mother. “Never date a person trying to recover from alcohol.” I thought it was comical actually. You would think my mother would encourage this date—since I hit the bottle a little more than usual. Naw, she wanted her daughter that took part in cocktail hours and martini-induced games of scrabble. My mother would be so disappointed if I gave up alcohol. So now, I don’t have my mother’s blessing—which means everything to me.

Now I had to venture off to see my date, who I knew wasn’t going to be ‘the one’, due to my mother forbidding this union. I’m not sure I was crazy about it either, but I had to go through with it. I couldn’t cancel at the last hour. My date and I met at a different restaurant. I was still kind of ‘tweeked’ over the fact that she lectured me about drinking wine. It’s not like I walk around the streets with a wine bottle in a brown bag. Come on! It’s wine with dinner. It’s normal. Get over it.

We sat down at a table and she looks around to notice that this place was very upscale and pricey, but it’s definitely not going to break the bank.
“Are you rich or something?” She asks me as she giggles. Who asks that? Even if I were super rich—who does that? What a rude question, even if done in jest.
“I hold my own, thank you.” I said anxiously waiting for the waiter to make his way over, because now I am ready to retaliate big time.The waiter finally comes and greets us.

“Hi my name is Larry and I will be more than happy to serve you tonight. May I start you off with a cocktail?”
“I think I’ll have something clear…I’ll have a 7UP with lemon please.” My date says as if she had just ordered the finest scotch in the house.
“And you? What would you like this evening?” The waiter addresses to me.
“Hmm…I think I’ll have something clear too… I’ll have a Grey Goose martini straight up-- extra olives please.”

“You know, I told my sponsor at AA about our date. She asked if I tasted the wine on your lips, and if that tempted me at all.” She says, almost indicating to me that she didn't want me to drink that evening.
"Well I'm drinking a vodka martini tonight--it shouldn't be so bad." I said, almost laughing hysterically in my mind.

I looked over at my date’s face to see her reaction, but she was too busy sipping her water. I believe it was a nervous reaction. During the whole course of that “last” date, I sipped my martini often, and I sipped my martini proud. I savored each vodka-soaked olive as if it were the most delicious thing in the world. That night, it was.

Cheers!

64 comments:

The Stevo in H-Town said...

Jus cuz alcohol don't werk fer her don't mean it don't werk fer you...kinda like religion...ain't it?...I don't know if drinkin's bad fer everybody but I gotta funny feelin' smokin' iz...

Amz said...

shhhh...we're all terminal. some of us just choose how we die and others let it be a suprise ;)

as someone that was married to two alcoholics - yuck, god please never send me another one of those! the worst was the second one...he didn't drink...until we got married and then he blamed it on me and he was ugly ugly as a drunk.

me on the other hand, well i am fun liquored up! i can have a 12 pack in the fridge for 2 months and not touch one because i dont feel like it or i can on a whim drink 7 bloody marys one afternoon and absolutely lose all memory of what occurred. either way i am fun and sweet and never an asshole.

i think if you drink and become an asshole then alcohol isn't for you :) and if it isn't for you because you have a problem with it then you are not for me...because i dont and your mother is right - it is a BAD combonation.

Amz said...

oh...and let me add this quote:

Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame . Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
~ Jack Handy

~Deb said...

Stevo: Drinking is definitely a religion. Some are religious freaks, and others, handle it very well. Couldn’t have said it better!

Amz: Well, I have always been told I was a ‘happy drunk’…not don’t get me wrong, I have had some really ‘bad nights’, but very few. I’m a few beers here and there type of chick-----and the occasional martini once in a while, but I love having a few beers when I’m done working or just fed up with something. It calms me. Or—as my mother would say, it takes away gas! (ha)

Shannon said...

Deb~ A gals gotta do, what a gals gotta do!! A relationship has to be easy in the beginning *atleast the beginning*, if it is complicated from the start, then it's time to bail!

You can't press foward in a relationship when you feel compelled to apease them from the start. You did the right thing.. one person's weakness's are another person's strength's.. you could have helped each other out if she wasn't so judgemental from the start. But you are with Madelene so everything worked out for the best!!

You had my attention thru out this post... wonderfully written =)

Oswald Croll said...

OMG, talk about your awkward date. I admit I am with you. With my drinking history, NO WAY could I date a recovering alchie. Hell, I get so nervous on dates, I need a pop or two before I even show up, just to mutter that exceptionally difficult word....Hello.

In Vino Veritas,
Os

Shannon said...

P.S. Momma alwaysssssss knows best!! =)

The Stevo in H-Town said...

Ifya become an asshole drinkin'...you were an asshole sober...."Stevo's Law"

TrappedInColorado said...

Deb!

Thank you for the "OMG! I know what she is talking about." laughs.

When I first open an online dating profile I always check the response to the alcohol question. If they say "I do not drink" then 9 times out of 10 I pass them up.

You are right though. Even if they say it is ok to drink in front of them it is uncomfortable. I am a "martini as a social lubricant" man and enjoy the effect of a couple of them.

Your comment about her drinking coffee and smoking half a pack of cigs before telling you how drinking can be bad for you... I laughed out loud.

BTW: Have you tried Level vodka? Muy bueno. I switch between that and Grey Goose. And, yes, absolutely 3 olives.

I'm loving your blog.

Peace

D said...

Ahh..Amstel light is what you ordered when we met up at the restaurant..(yes! the restaurant that was hard to find) Glad to know that it was the "usual you" I met that night *s*

Leesa said...

I once had a date, and afterwards, we went to "his place." Here I was, thinking he wanted to mess around, and he brings out his weed for mutual sharing. Oh, I bailed so fast. He passed up a little ass for weed that night. It worked out better for both of us.

normiekins said...

deb....LMAO....what is it with mom's who relate all illnesses to gas......OMG LMAO....my mom does the exact same thing.....and oh yeah take are you regular... fiber pill......! Good for you.....anyone who imposes their "ways" on you in the first two dates is a goner......!

~Deb said...

Shannon: Yeah---it was complicated—you can definitely say that. I really liked her though, but once we met, she started criticizing me for having a glass … err…bottle of wine and then tried to tell me it wasn’t good for my health---meanwhile puffing smoke in my face downing coffee all night- ya know?

Thanks for reading this all---it was a lot—I know.

Os: I seriously believe that alcohol for “some” people is the ice-breaker. I tend to be shy at first when I first meet someone or if I am in a crowd full of people. I need a little sumptin’ in order to open up.

Shannon: And that she does! Haha!

Stevo: Well what about this concept-----if you are a ‘happy drunk’, then you’re a depressed sober person. That’s gotta make ya think…

Trappedincolorado: Are we related somehow??? I am so with you on what you said! Whenever the profile says, “Recovering alcoholic” or “I don’t drink”…I “X” them out. But this one didn’t state anything. I never tried Level Vodka! I LOVE trying new ones. I hear Iceberg is really good too—which I have yet to try. Right now, my potion is Stoli Gold. Unreal! Smooth taste! (Now I sound like a fricken commercial!)

D: Hi!!! (haha---for my readers---we went out on a friendly date not too long ago) FRIENDLY I SAID! See how they react? D---I didn’t know you read my blog! That’s great !

D and I met up at this restaurant (last minute decision because she didn’t want to get out of the huge mall she was in and I hate mall restaurants) Anyway, we met up at this Italian restaurant/bar & grill type place, and I ordered an Amstel Light---and so did she…(I believe) BUT---she only had ONE! She had to drive, so I had faith in her.

Hey! When are we going out again? What are you up to this weekend? Call me!

OHHHHHHHH PRATA----you're going to be so jealous, because D is a beautiful Asian girl. ;) Na na! Prata has a thing for Asian ladies.

Leesa: The guy was insane to choose weed over your fine self......wow.....Maybe he was trying to 'fix the mood'...what a shame.

Normiekins: Oh that's not even the half of it...if I say, "Oh mom, I feel sick.."

She says, "WHAT? Do you have diarrhea????????????????????? REALLY LOUD though so everyone and their mutha' can hear. It's so awful.

Chloe' Gardner said...

I'm proud of you Deb! Stay true to you! I've got friends who are in AA as well, but they have no problem being around me or any of our friends if we're drinking. They made a choice to stop drinking, and don't place themselves in situations where they might be tempted.

Anyway- this girl lacked a lot of class, and I'm glad you got rid of her! You're a lot better where you are now :0)

D said...

Oh my my, I should have indicated from my post that it was a friendly meeting...whew Lost my head in there for a minute. In any case, yes we must go out soon. I told you about that Japanese place right? And I won't give you directions coz if you can't find your way you might think I'm getting back at you *w* btw Prata..she's fibbing *s*

TrappedInColorado said...

Stoli Gold. Stoli Gold. Stoli Gold. I am saying that 3 times so I will remember it. So, if I get off on the Stoli Gold and end up in a strange bathtub somewhere with a lei around my neck and women's panties on will you give me a ride home?

Keep on posting!!

Question. Can I send you the links to the profiles I am thinking about so you can read between the lines and save me a lot of time and bullshit? :)

Peace.

~Deb said...

Chloe: Thank you. Well, you know, I have no problem with her attempting sobriety—I give anyone credit. It’s when they draw the line of trying to tell you info about their situation and being a hypocrite trying to criticize you for your actions---meanwhile, she’s substituting alcohol for caffeine and cigarettes. Yes—a lot better now! Glad I didn’t get into the whole ‘relationship thing’ with her. Oy.

D: I was kidding around. I had fun that evening. Definitely—let’s go to that Japanese place you spoke of. And, listen missy-----I gave you directions on the SAME road as you were already on. How does one get lost on ONE road? (heheheee) Yeah—get back at me…I see how you are. And no Prata, I’m not fibbing.

Trappedincolorado: There’s no place like home! There’s no place like home! There’s no place like home! Just tap your shoes together and BAM----you got your Stoli Gold!
Oh!!! Send me links! Let me take a peek at what fruits you’re picking out at the produce section. Send send send! I would love to approve of your pre-dates! dtimagery@hotmail.com

D said...

Ahem..ahh..yep, same road..you did say 2 lights then make a left...yeah sure enough I ended up at a car dealership! and not at the Italian Grill place which is way way down the road pass several more traffic lights...*S*

Ok, so when do we go for lunch? Saturday? ..hold on you work Saturdays right?

~Deb said...

I can definitely meet up with you on Saturday--just let me know the time. Same place? haha!!!! Well email me and let me know. I haven't tapped into my email just yet. Toggling between work and blogging. How dare blogging get in the way of working.

Mike said...

Wonderful post 'fraggle'...I'm all for meeting for a beer or eight...lol

Oh...and yes...work has been interfering with my blogging lately.

Fred said...

Your memory is awesome. I would have forgotten all the details.

You're much more forgiving with the smoking. I would have asked her to step outside. Heck, you could have had a shot or two each time she stepped out. Now, that would have been fun!

~Deb said...

Mikey: A beer or eight sounds great! My kinda’ man!

Fred: “Today”, I would have asked her to step outside. It was freezing out that night. I hate the smell of smoke though…ugh! Now, asking her to go outside would have been fun---I never thought about it that way---and taking a swig from the good ol’Stoli!

Alrighty, off for happy hour! My stoli awaits me!

Anonymous said...

Your mom rules! She was always so nice to me.

Romeo Jensen said...

okay I wanna hear more about this arm massage... do you still have her number? LOL

kathi said...

"Why are so many lesbians in this business?" I didn't know that. Hmmmmm...

I hate being around people drinking when I'm not drinking...and I hate being around people not drinking when I am...
And I always hate being around a smoker.

Casually Me said...

A.A....darn quitters....

Grace said...

Not cool... I can't believe you accepted that second date!
You should have started lecturing her back about her smoking habit. I'm sure she would have loved that.

I missed your great posts while I've been away from blogland :)
Glad to be back!!

crallspace said...

A Christian Republican lesbian, huh?
I've wondered if they exist...

barman said...

You never know who you are going to meet when you find someone online. I once ended up meeting someone in person that I had been exchanging a fair amount of email, etc. I thought I knew her. She was the bigest flirt I knew. Oh by the way, this was not a date, we were just meeting up since she and her Mom were in town (and she was married).

We met and both of us just sat there. Conversation was so tough. A little drink probably would have went a long ways since it appears we were both shy. Anyway I am glad it turned out that way but at the same time it was interesting to see how different a person can come across online or even on the phone.

I really dislike smoking and don't allow it in my house. I don't want to have to live with that until it goes away. I would have had the same problem with someone not drinking when I was. I just do not do that.

The good news about the date, in the end I bet you appreciate Madelene even more after that than you had before. What an awesome partner you have.

Deadly Female said...

There are a lot of lesbians in the massage/therapy industry - I don't actually know why but they are a lot of them. At one clinic I work at, 66% are lesbians. At another, 50% lesbians and 10% gay men. Don't know why I felt the need to tell you that...

~Deb said...

HAHAHAAA!!!!! I just got back in from a very eventful evening---(Yes pictures too!—-Will post tomorrow—err---today…) But I was reading all your comments and was hysterical at anonymous’s comment!!!

Anonymous: You MUST have been a date of mine! (ha!!!) I’m sorry if you had to go through that---however—you must have consumed A LOT of alcohol at my house, or else my mutha’ wouldn’t have been so ‘nice’ to you. Hmmmmmm…. I’m so curious to find out WHO you are. Show yourself! (Email me if you don’t want to go public with your anonymity..)

Romey: Arm massage was not so great. Don’t waste your time. She needed more classes in ‘massage therapy’---maybe a lesson on ‘happy endings’…

Kathi: I’m telling you---EMTs, massage therapists…and umm….haha…vet techs! (Sorry to my buddy who’s a vet tech..) SO TRUE though! She’s gonna keel me!!! I hate being around sober people when I’m drunk Kath, and I hate being around drunk people when I’m sober. It’s a catch 22. I’m totally with ya on that one!

Casually me: Why give up a good thing?

AmazingGrace: I didn’t have the energy to lecture her back about smoking, because I have so many friends who smoke, and I was a smoker at one time, so I understood. I just wish she understood my love for drinking---since she was a big ol’ alcoholic herself. You know? (OHHH that sounded so awful…I’ll shut up…) Glad to see you back sweetie!

Crallspace: Oh the last comment that questioned my “Christian lesbian” status created a new blog. Don’t get me started!

Barman: No doubt. A little drinking goes a long way on a first date. Sometimes it goes a little too far…But…thankfully your date wasn’t a bad massage therapist. I hate smoking, I hate the smell and I cannot take kissing a girl when she tastes like a fricken ashtray---(And I am sure someone who is reading this who I have dated is grinding their teeth…) Ba ha ha !!!!

Deadly Femme: Ain’t that the truth? I’m glad you pointed that out so it doesn’t look like I’m ‘generalizing’. I can definitely get into another blog about how most lesbians are so gung-ho over Melissa Etheridge, but that’s another post for another day. I’ll get into that. I’m gonna stereotype like you’ve never seen before! Whoooooooo---and I just lectured about ‘judging one another’, huh?

I need sleep. It’s late late late…or early early early in the a.m. and I still have the remains of my secret potion still stirring within me. (Reason why I’m so loopy right now…) You get to see me while I’m drunk-----this is a totally drunk comment...!

I need sleep. Pictures tomorrow! I brought my digital cam out with me and started snapping awful pictures. It’s almost embarrassing. I even had to tell the owner of one bar that I was advertising his site on my site. Ha! He has no clue what type of site I have.

Oh lovely. I need sleep. Be back tomorrow with shame.

LisaBinDaCity said...

I'm really not sure what to say except I am glad you and Madalene found each other! It's awesome finding someone who "gets" you :-)

The Stevo in H-Town said...

~Deb..

sober /so-bur/adj. 3):serious or grave in mood or disposition.
The Merriam-Webster Dictionary

...soundz depressin' ta meee...

D said...

Can't wait to see the pics from last night. So Saturday Noon at that place in NJ? *s*

btw..I hope no headaches this morning...it's a beautiful day!

Natalia said...

I have learned that my parents give mostly really good advice as well. But the fact is that, regardless, some times we have to try it out for ourselves to learn. One thing is when mum says don't put your finger there, you'll get shocked and that hurts and quite another is to get the crap shocked out of you... the second one, though more painful, is bound to stick in your head :) And surely, there are some learning that is more painful than other.

-N

Mavida Lesbiana said...

hahaha - great post, you're such a good writer - I'm loving your site.

I am a smoker, but don't smoke in my own house, I would have definitley asked her to step outside, cold or not.....

I love how the story ends....the delicious martini and all...

Mike said...

Pictures?...pictures....of a drunk Deb?....lol

Mike said...

Wake up sleepy head...people are waiting here....lol

Mike said...

Well...I'm raiding the fridge...this could be awhile.

~Deb said...

Forgettabouta post today.(That'll give you guys a break from boring you to death anyway....) I’m done. I haven’t slept a WINK because stupid me drank two espressos with Sambuka, and I was flyyyyyyyyinggggggg! Which is the reason why I commented on my blog at 4:14am. Sad, huh? I even blacked out! Woo hoo! I can’t believe I even wrote a comment in the state that I was in. Three fishbowl glasses of chardonnay, and a huge sifter sp? of Sambuka with the espresso. I’m hurtin’ real bad today. I may just place the pictures up later with no text. My heart is palpitating and I have alcohol induced anxiety. (Shush Bhakti) … She’s gonna lecture me—I just know it. *s Stevo---I think your writing style has influenced me somewhat. Hmmm...

Lisa: Madelene gets me and then she sometimes says she doesn’t understand me. Hmm… I’m glad I found her though! She puts up with a lot!

Stevo: That’s just a sobering thought, ain’t it?

D: Email or call me. Must we communicate through blogosphere? You’re too funny! Oh---and I have ONE helluva headache right now.

Natalia: My mother used to say, “Don’t go sleigh riding on that hill! You’ll poke your eye out!” I thought---POKE MY EYE OUT? HOW? Well whaddya’ know, a twig was sticking up and guess what happened? Right in my right eye. Left me legally blind. How am I reading text right now? Lasik surgery. Always listen to mama.

Catalina: Glad you’re enjoying my sick life. (ha) Quite psychotic, but the only thing I could do is write about it----or jump off a bridge. Writing seems safer. Thanks for stopping in again!

Mike: Oy. I didn’t realize how bad they came out! I will still post them…oh yeah---I was drunk! When I told my mother I had a hangover, she asked, “Didja’ drink?” I always answer her with the obvious question of, “Errr, yeh mom.” Then she says---and it is SO predictable….”WHO DROVE???” I always tell her that my driver brought me home in the Rolls. sp? Have no clue.

~Deb said...

Mikey! You posted right before I put this long ass comment in.

You're giving me a headache. How do I get rid of a hangover without drinking a bloody mary? Can anyone give me tips???

Mikey? Stevo? Calling all alcoholics!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~Deb said...

OH MY SWEET LORD! Would someone go to Mike's blog http://randomanew.blogspot.com/ (I don't know how to link) AND tell me who's more psychotic!????? For the love of God, why do I have to urge to scratch Mikey's nose???

Issues--major issues! (HA!!!)






What a loser I am today--I'm commenting a ton of times on my own blog. I need a drink. ~

Mike said...

lol...Cheers!!

(whiner)*snickers*

~Deb said...

I can't hang like those Midwesterners. ;) THEY know how to party without the hangovers.


I am whiney this morning. I'm making myself sick here...

Mike said...

Sheesh....go back to bed fraggle...then get up...post a blog....drunk pics....and you'll ....er.....um...I'll feel better.

~Deb said...

I'm overtired...which makes my heart palpitate. I need a remedy. You're not helping me very much Mikey.

The Stevo in H-Town said...

You guyz are PATHETIC...The nerve tryin' to jack-up the value of yer blog by swappin' comments...Ain'tya got no ethixs?!?!

Cordially,
Ken Lay, Jeff Skilling and Andy Fastow

D said...

Hahaha..as you can see I was doing that intentionally, blogging back instead of calling..ok ok..enuf! I'll give you a call later today and I'll speak in a low voice not to add to your suffering *w*

Mike said...

Will a hug work?...I promise....no....er...um....not much groping?

Mike said...

Do I hear snoring finally?

At least I'm not telling you to 'walk it off.'....lol

Mike said...

Steve...The best thing about Deb and I is not only knowing how pathetic we are...but we actually revel in it.

Of course she's the one with the hangover tho....now that's really, really pathetic....*snickers*

The Stevo in H-Town said...

Mike....I understand the deal...


D Trump

~Deb said...

You all are sicker than me. And Mr. Stevo sweetie----who bats back and forth with little comments on their own blog?

*coughstevocrasshundredcough*

Okay I am really going to sleep now. D? Don't call till tonight if you can. (ha) I really mean it. TALK LOW for me. Talk sweet nothings ---errr wait.... My mind is going elsewhere.

Be back later.

Wenchy said...

Sorry I have not been around much lately.. hello!

blackops said...

Hmmm....everytime Im done reading one of your post I always feel like Im the one that needs a drink since my eyes usually worn out from spinning around in my head. You got some life there Deb :)

normiekins said...

SWEET DREAMS DEB........nighty nighty!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am dying laughing over here at all the comments.!

Anonymous said...

Last night was fun. ;)

Saur♥Kraut said...

Then I remember—I’m not breathing. *LOL* I love you. You're a dork.

Well, the male-female dating crap I've been through is awfully similar. They ask you out again and you think to yourself: I didn't like that, but what the heck! I can probably ignore that...

But you can't. So you put up with it a little while longer, realize your limitations (and his) and call it quits. Bleah. I hate dating.

AWE said...

I never thought about the alcohol on the lips.

As always I enjoyed the post.

~Deb said...

Wenchy: Hiya! Glad you dropped in!

Blackops: I’m not sure if I should take that as a compliment or an insult. Hmm…

Normiekins: Twas a restful nap. Thank you. My comments are just as insane as my life written out all over a blog.

Anonymous: WHO DAT? Anonymous comments scare me. So stop! (heh)

Saur: Eh well…I’ve been called worse. My short lived dating experience was horrific. I’m glad I’m stuck with Madelene. Don’t wanna be out there in the pool full of sharks anymore. Then again, I’ve become quite the blowfish, so who the hell would wanna date me anyway? Oh I’m depressing myself again. In your psychotherapeutic career, what is that called? Is it self-loathing or self-destruction or self- ??? Self-medicating is a definite factor though.

Awe: Awe, thanks! Well, that’s probably why she almost sucked my lip off when she kissed me goodbye. She literally fell off the wagon when she kissed me. Wasn’t that good actually.

Buffy said...

Question. Do you ever get writer's block? I've been stonewalled for near a week now. I envy your sheer volume. :)

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