Living Proof

For the longest time, I've been trying to write my second book. It's been challenging the last three years with my dad being sick and all. My emotions gave my writing ability a huge wall. Dad would always say, "Oh you gotta put this story in your book," but it wasn't my story. It was his. I'm jotting this book down in more of a lighthearted feel. That's how we were - all of us - lighthearted and laughing at our struggles in life. We never played the victim. That wasn't what our family was about. Dad would say, "I gave you excitement!" And he did. He begged me to write everything down, so with his wishes, I am collecting all of his stories as well as my own experiences to show you how life was for me as a kid and an adult. Of course, some names and places have been changed to protect the guilty. So please bear with me as I work on this next project. I'll be using this blog to vent out some of my frustrations about whatever. Until then, ...

On Christmas Eve, Madelene and I have a little tradition that we never break. We go to our favorite restaurant, sit at the bar, order a dry martini straight up with olives and an antipasto for two. We then head off to my sister's Christmas Eve party. While sitting at the bar this year, we noticed two older men at the way corner end and a few stragglers to the side of us. The female bartender was swamped with orders from the tables as well as right in front of her. She couldn't pour fast enough. She looked like she was ready to throw in the towel. I said, "Come to the other side of the bar and have a drink with us," - in jest of course, and she said, "Ugh God I wish!" It wasn't even minutes later when the old man sitting over in the far corner screamed out, "Goddamnit! This is the worst Manhattan I've ever tasted! Are you kidding me?" -- He went on and on about it. A sufficient, "Can I have another drink, this one isn't very good...

Mental illness is thrown around so much these days, as well as the pills that are prescribed for each diagnosis. I truly don't know what to think other than this has never happened before the 90's. I can't blame it on a single thing, neither can anyone else. You can have all the guesstimations in the world, but none will tell you the entire story. What are the ingredients for a killer? The 'profiling' class example are the kids who are loners, bullied or awkward in some way. If an outcasted kid is that depressed, would he even care about his own life? And if he doesn't care about his own life, will he care about yours? Will he care about your children's lives? Of course not. And to top this guesstimation off -- add a dash of revenge into the pot. In today's world, kids aren't only suicidal - they're homicidal as well. It's not just 'oh woe is me' - it's more like, 'woe is me and I'll get you back for your happiness and ...

December 21rst was supposed to be the end of the world. I woke up to find all my patio furniture slapping into my sliding glass door because of the high winds and rain. ...Can it be? To save face, many said it would be a "new beginning" - which sounds much better. It kind of reminds me of a bizarre New Year's Day where you look back upon all your regrets or things you would have done differently to start a new leaf and do them the 'right way'. Some believe we're supposed to become more evolved and headed into a new spiritual realm of consciousness. Deep. Others simply think it's plain ol' bullshit. Our calendars on the wall ends at December 31rst, however it doesn't mean the world will. And maybe, those who won't admit that they were actually a bit frightened of this date may have a change in character - change of heart - a change in attitude. I find this day to be a positive one: new beginnings, new hope, a new sense of freedom and apprecia...

At times, apologies are more than welcomed and surely a brave act of love and a willingness to oversee any past hurts that have been endured. But is it enough? Words are sometimes meaningless. And the old cliché, "Actions speak louder than words" can be applied here. There's something to be said for a constant persistence of sincerity - a genuine act of regretted actions in the form of a friendly invite, a "welcome back" if you will - if one accepts of course.  With anything in life, I weigh out the cons and pros. It may sound corny, but it really works. I even weigh out the cons and pros of a past friendship, an old job opportunity, to even bringing something new (or old) into my diet. Anything. Is it worth it? Will it (or they) improve my life? What if "just taking a chance" is the only option you have?  Fear can play a major role in your decision to bring back something in your past. Or, should the past be completely forgotten about? What if your ...

It was definitely an odd day today as I headed off to the supermarket after finishing a ton of work. After being sick for almost a week from touching the shopping cart handle and then touching my mouth, I came across a dilemma in the produce aisle: opening the baggies. I swear to you, with my intense OCD, I still sometimes touch my tongue to open those plastic bags up. They're impossible. But after this wild week of sickness and hospitalization --- hell. to. the. no. I saw bright red vine tomatoes and immediately fled to them. I ripped off a bag and yes, started to fiddle with the opening. I'm literally praying in my mind, "C'mon, just open. Open... Open!!!" Some guy across the vegetable stand saw me struggling and said, "They sure make it hard for us." Another gentleman standing near me said, "Here, let me get that for you." He opened it effortlessly. I say my 'thank yous' and rush off like a bat outa' hell into the next aisle. M...

There is no truth. There is no proof. There are no concrete answers to anything. People claim "the truth" as if it were the end all be all. There are many sectors of Christianity that believe in totally different things (other than the trinity) - ie: rules and "sins". How can you be so sure you're doing the right thing when the Christian right next to you is calling you a sinner? Your Bible says it's ok. His Bible speaks differently. Why are there so many misconstrued, misinterpreted, misunderstood, mis-mis-mis- misinformed scriptures? Slavery is okay. Two people of the same gender in a loving relationship is not. Killing children is okay. Divorcing your wife and remarrying someone else years later down the road is not. What about the scriptures about how much of an abomination eating shellfish and shaving off your beard is? Sitting next to a woman who happens to be menstruating is sinful and considered "unclean". How do we know she's menstru...