Tuesday, June 09, 2020
COVID Mania: Party Like It's 2019
Three months into this fiasco, I realized my own workflow had slowed down. The only reason why I haven't written as much is because I'm the one needing help with my own mental health. As much as I love helping other people, this new "anxiety" is something I've never dealt with before. Between insomnia, myoclonic seizures (which subsided for a good while) as well as a racing heart with palpitations have sky rocketed, to where it can leave me absolutely exasperated. The recovery time for my panic attacks take a couple of days, sometimes more. I've used every resource available, from Telehealth therapy, meditation, vitamins, homeopathic remedies and even exercise---all of those are great, no doubt, but nothing works better than pushing through the fear. For instance, this morning I woke up with a fast heart rate that usually makes my heart skip beats. That means I'm in for the day. No outings---not even to venture to sit outside on my own porch. Nothing. It leaves me debilitated until it goes away. But here's the thing: don't wait for it to go away. I'm learning this now. Don't wait till your heart rate is back to "what you expect it to be." Sometimes, we need to do things in fear, and not when it's "okay" in our minds.
I'm learning that it's important to stop the dialogue in our minds. I was reading a book called, "Untethered Soul" by Michael Singer. He explains that the process of getting rid of the anxiety is to stop listening to your "roommate in your mind"---the one that tells you, "Eh, maybe I shouldn't go out because I'll have a panic attack." Stop listening to that voice. Eckhart Tolle also wrote a book called, "The Power of Now," where he explains that you are the "Being" and your mind is its own entity. When your mind chatters, let your "Being" look at it, and once it's being observed, the 'chatter' stops instantly. It works, but you have to keep practicing it. As soon as your mind says, "Oh you better not call Stacy, she may be upset with you," or "Don't drive down that road, you may get caught in traffic," -- look at your mind (in your mind) -- and it stops. Acknowledge the chatter and then turn it around and intentionally say something of gratitude to replace the negative thought.
Another thing you have to do is limit your dose of watching the news. The news media are all fear mongers. They want to instill fear and divide our country. They need ratings, which brings in the big bucks. Half the things they have threatened us with, like looters and rioters rampaging our businesses and homes, did not come to pass thank God. They show you only the negative things, without showing you the beautiful highlights of this fiasco, like the black man hugging the white cop, or how people were helping one another, by bringing the elderly a supply of food and toiletries during this pandemic. I also had to remove myself from any political talk. I found myself in a debate with a friend who disagreed with my opinion. I don't believe you have to destroy other people's property while protesting, while she had another view. And well, a friendship was broken. The division was made.
Between my frustration of not knowing the truth, or being confused over what's ok and what's not ok, to where a mask or to not wear a mask, I'm sick of it. And so are you...you have to be. Some people have completely given up on the "shelter in place--where your mask" --- and they have gone rogue and are living like it's the summer of 2019. I think I'm gonna throw caution to the wind, throw away this fear, and say, "I'm done!" Throw in the towel and mask, and be with my family and friends. But for now, I'll wait out the two weeks. After that, I'm living my life as I always did. I will respect other people's space and wear a mask in a store, but I'm done declining invites from my family and friends, in fear that I'll get sick. I'm getting sick in the head by staying in. I don't know what's worse---to have COVID or to be suicidal. Maybe that's another tactic of "process of elimination" and population control. God help us.
Pray! Pray! Pray!
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