COVID Mania: Party Like It's 2019

We've all had it. We're done. We're sick and tired of being cooped up and told to stay home because the virus will make us sick or possibly kill us. We're missing family, friends, work, shopping, dining, haircuts, manicures, pedicures---everything we used to do before March of this year.  I remember this one night back in late February on a Wednesday eating dinner at the bar of my favorite restaurant. Madelene works late on Wednesdays, so instead of eating by myself, or waiting to eat at 10pm with her, I would occasionally take myself out, sit at the bar and have some sort of seafood with a glass of wine. I knew the owners and workers, so there were people I could chat with, as well as whoever strolled in. We were all watching the news on their big screen TV. They were talking about Wuhan, and how this new virus called, "corona" was killing so many people. It hadn't come to our area as of yet, so we were all like, "Wow, I feel bad for them," in between spaghetti bites. Little did we know, that it would be the last time we all would see one another. Two weeks later, my favorite place closed up (hopefully temporarily.) I never thought this sort of thing would happen here. We also said that back on 9-11 too.

Three months into this fiasco, I realized my own workflow had slowed down. The only reason why I haven't written as much is because I'm the one needing help with my own mental health. As much as I love helping other people, this new "anxiety" is something I've never dealt with before. Between insomnia, myoclonic seizures (which subsided for a good while) as well as a racing heart with palpitations have sky rocketed, to where it can leave me absolutely exasperated. The recovery time for my panic attacks take a couple of days, sometimes more. I've used every resource available, from Telehealth therapy, meditation, vitamins, homeopathic remedies and even exercise---all of those are great, no doubt, but nothing works better than pushing through the fear. For instance, this morning I woke up with a fast heart rate that usually makes my heart skip beats. That means I'm in for the day. No outings---not even to venture to sit outside on my own porch. Nothing. It leaves me debilitated until it goes away. But here's the thing: don't wait for it to go away. I'm learning this now. Don't wait till your heart rate is back to "what you expect it to be." Sometimes, we need to do things in fear, and not when it's "okay" in our minds.

I'm learning that it's important to stop the dialogue in our minds. I was reading a book called, "Untethered Soul" by Michael Singer. He explains that the process of getting rid of the anxiety is to stop listening to your "roommate in your mind"---the one that tells you, "Eh, maybe I shouldn't go out because I'll have a panic attack." Stop listening to that voice. Eckhart Tolle also wrote a book called, "The Power of Now," where he explains that you are the "Being" and your mind is its own entity. When your mind chatters, let your "Being" look at it, and once it's being observed, the 'chatter' stops instantly. It works, but you have to keep practicing it. As soon as your mind says, "Oh you better not call Stacy, she may be upset with you," or "Don't drive down that road, you may get caught in traffic," -- look at your mind (in your mind) -- and it stops. Acknowledge the chatter and then turn it around and intentionally say something of gratitude to replace the negative thought.

Another thing you have to do is limit your dose of watching the news. The news media are all fear mongers. They want to instill fear and divide our country. They need ratings, which brings in the big bucks. Half the things they have threatened us with, like looters and rioters rampaging our businesses and homes, did not come to pass thank God. They show you only the negative things, without showing you the beautiful highlights of this fiasco, like the black man hugging the white cop, or how people were helping one another, by bringing the elderly a supply of food and toiletries during this pandemic. I also had to remove myself from any political talk. I found myself in a debate with a friend who disagreed with my opinion. I don't believe you have to destroy other people's property while protesting, while she had another view. And well, a friendship was broken. The division was made.

For the first time, we have seen the lowest cases of COVID-19, which is wonderful! We managed to put it at bay by staying at home and practicing good hygiene and wearing our masks. But some people disagree with that. I understand you want to go out and see people and live your life---but we did well with pushing this virus aside. But now, what I don't understand is---why can't we congregate at a church, but protesters are allowed to congregate by the thousands in every street and in every city? It doesn't make sense to me. Why can't I attend a friend's funeral, but I can join the hundreds that protested in my own town? If the cases don't go up in two weeks, I'm calling it out for what it is: government control. Maybe everyone was right. Maybe it was all about control---or a "beta test" to see how well we listen and "behave?" I'm not much for conspiracy theories, but things just don't make sense to me. When I look on my Facebook feed, I see family and friends back together, swimming in the same pools and having big barbecues. It warms my heart to see this. But is it safe? There are businesses that have closed down for good due to the three months of not being in business and today, out of all days is opening day for New York. For who? Who's opening up? Those lucky enough to have had enough of a savings to maintain their existence? What about our mom and pop stores who had to shut their doors for good? But I guess congregating in a huge protest that consists of thousands of people are okay. That's not risky.

Between my frustration of not knowing the truth, or being confused over what's ok and what's not ok, to where a mask or to not wear a mask, I'm sick of it. And so are have to be. Some people have completely given up on the "shelter in place--where your mask" --- and they have gone rogue and are living like it's the summer of 2019. I think I'm gonna throw caution to the wind, throw away this fear, and say, "I'm done!" Throw in the towel and mask, and be with my family and friends. But for now, I'll wait out the  two weeks. After that, I'm living my life as I always did. I will respect other people's space and wear a mask in a store, but I'm done declining invites from my family and friends, in fear that I'll get sick. I'm getting sick in the head by staying in. I don't know what's worse---to have COVID or to be suicidal. Maybe that's another tactic of "process of elimination" and population control. God help us.

Pray! Pray! Pray!

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