I'm Totally Fried

It’s true—I’ve been a vedy’ vedy’ bad blogger. I’ve been absolutely exhausted of taking in anything mentally. I can’t think. I can’t read. I can’t do anything that requires me to just be human. I’ve also been a vedy’ vedy’ bad person with my eating habits. My choice of foods lately has been quite alarming. Didn’t I just post about eating healthier a few days ago? Hmm.

Since my girlfriend has been off these past couple of days, we went shopping at the mall, and then of course ventured out to meet a couple of our friends for happy hour at Cheeseburger in Paradise. Jimmy Buffett owns this franchise. Not sure if you all have that chain around your area—but it’s a great place with a menu of drinks. No—really—a menu of different types of cocktails you can order. It’s like a ten page book of drinks. (I can hear angels singing now) Madelene (my girlfriend) and I got there first and parked our rears on the stools. They gave me a huge 22 ounce of beer, and Madelene got a Mojito.

Our friends walk in, and we enjoyed another drink with them, and then got a booth so we can grab a bite to eat. This place is known for their little White Castle-like burgers. They also have a lot of other things on the list, but that’s the main attraction over there. Madelene and I ordered the little suckers along with fries. Let me tell you—Madelene’s the type of person where she tortures the wait staff… “Oh, instead of the fries, can you replace that with cold slaw? Can I have the burger without the bun, and can you place the pickle for a very large olive?" Whatever. She just replaces everything. It’s not Burger King—‘have it your way babe’---it’s a diner-like joint with a huge ass bar. Sacrifice a little – no – wait – live a little damn it!

So, to my surprise and Madelene’s 4th Mojito down, she orders ‘as is’…with everything included in the order. Nothing was changed. I was shocked. I couldn’t believe it! After dinner came, I noticed Madelene drinking more…and more…and more…and having a great time. I love seeing her have fun. My friend Alyssa glances at me and says, “Isn’t this quite a switch…” (Knowing that I’m always the drunk one—but the beers didn’t get to me for some reason that night.) Also, I hardly touched any of the fries because I noticed they were crystallized in salt. I mean, these puppies looked like diamonds on a stick if you held on up.

Mission: To get you to drink your arse off!

“I don’t know why I’m drinking so much—water please! Water please!” Madelene says, in this desperate plead.

“Umm, Madelene, pick up one of those fries and hold it up to the light…whaddya’ see?” She takes the fry, wipes the salt off it, and says, “What do you mean?”

Never. Mind.

Even the burgers were crystallized with salt. I mean, what did they do--dip everything in a basket of a deep fryer full of salted oil? Exactly. Seriously, these places do just that. Even Planet Hollywood—total salt factory.

Anyway, when we were going to sleep, I felt my heart go ‘thumpity-thumpity-thumpity-thump!’ My blood pressure was through the roof. As the night continued into the late hours, I found myself downing tons of water and finding that my sweat pants were getting tighter. Yes—my fricken sweat pants had a grip on my waist like a vice! What the hell is going on? I was retaining water. I was a massive water balloon.

To make things worse, I tried to get back on the right track the next day and drown my salt out with the water. I had to deflate, and that was that. I even tried exercising—but that was even a challenge. I felt sluggish and just plain—blahhhh…

And on top of that, last night Madelene and I have the nerve to go out to dinner. We went to a nice restaurant and I figured—well they have healthy foods like fish and chicken as well as pastas. Can’t go wrong. Their salads are delicious.

And so was their deep fried calamari.

Have you seen that movie/documentary, “Super Size Me?” It’s about this guy who generally eats very healthy and decides to go binging off fast foods for thirty days to see how his body reacts. Not only did he feel nauseated, sluggish and tired, but he gained a whole ton of weight that affected his blood pressure and his cholesterol.

And here I am ‘roasting’ Mikey on his blog about his fine cuisines. Hopefully soon, I’ll return to that ‘daily blogger’ that you all are familiar with. For now, I have to cleanse out my system so I can at least be coherent.