Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Infidelity on Social Media

A few weeks ago, we were sitting at the bar having a late lunch watching the soccer game. It was a beautiful day out so the bar was pretty much empty, except for this one guy sitting with his girlfriend or wife (or whoever) across the way drinking pints of draft beer. Although they were in their late forties or early fifties, they looked like a new couple - you could just tell. They saw Madelene and I watching the game as well and we all started talking about it. As soon as the woman left to go use the restroom, he had stated that she was not his wife and that his wife was home. This was a girl he had met online and has been dating her for several months. Whatever. I didn't need to know all the details, but he felt the need to get it all out on the table. I felt that instant 'creep' vibe. I focused more on my wife after his awkward confession. Anyway, they both asked if we could take a photo of them with their phones. Sure, why not, right? Then I see them tinkering around after their photo op and posting it onto Facebook.

I couldn't help it.

"That oughta' be interesting."
"Excuse me?" he said, baffled at my snarky comment.
"Well, from what you told me while she was in the restroom, shouldn't you refrain from posting that up onto social media?"
"Oh, no. My wife doesn't have Facebook."
"So I guess it's okay to be openly slimy then and make your wife look like a complete fool. I mean - I'm sure you both have mutual friends on your account, right? But, I guess it's none of my business anyway."

But he made it my business by telling me. He rubbed his forehead and turned towards his mistress for comfort. She didn't look too comforting that he had told the lesbian couple at the end of the bar. In fact, they started bickering.

(You're welcome.) 

The woman started staring at me, almost in fear, like she wanted to run out of there in shame. But I didn't do it to shame her or him - I was just disturbed that he would literally mock his wife on social media by posting some 'cozy' photo of him and his mistress. And if you are having an affair, why in the world would you tell complete strangers at the bar?  Why would you post photos of yourself and your lover onto Facebook or Twitter or any other forms of social media?

One of our girlfriends is doing the same thing. She and her partner of ten years are not doing so well. But the one girl is out openly cheating on her and doing the same social media bullshit. And no, her girlfriend at home is not internet savvy, but I will tell you what happens when you start posting "cheat pics": your friends, family and anyone else who sees these photos will talk. Not only will they talk, they also lose any respect they had for you. If she wanted to be with somebody else, then give the respect to either separate or breakup or even have a heart-to-heart with you partner about what's going on. Own it. Or someone else will own the story for you and let your significant other know what's brewing. What makes me laugh is when someone actually asks them, "Hey, who was that girl you were kissing on Facebook," - they blow up as if that person did something wrong. If you decide to be publicly slimy, face the music.

People on Facebook can be evil. It's used in various evil ways in order to draw attention or 'get someone back' and of course, make subliminal status messages hoping that the target has read your encrypted message. Twitter's no better. In fact, some scumbag from Rhode Island started tweeting me and then of course, that led him to feel the need to DM me. (Which is a private message.) He asked if I was married. I explained yes, and with a woman. He said, "Oh that's okay, I flirt with anyone even though I'm married." I should have just blocked him then, but then, the next message was a dick pic. What are these people thinking? I asked if he was in politics. At least have enough money to back up that small package of yours.

No relationship is perfect. Even in mine, we argue, we banter about this n' that - but in the end, we realize why we're together and most importantly, come to a common ground before she bites my ear off. She understands my madness and I understand her frustrations as well. And when your relationship comes to the point where it's nothing but fighting and conflict day in and day out - remember what brought you two together in the first place. Picture your life without that person. Think about the consequences and how you'll feel when you're on the lawn that seemingly looked greener. And hey - let's face it - it may definitely be greener, but it's the way you left the previous property that counts.

Years and years ago, I was mixed up in a pickle myself. I was having problems with my relationship and we both agreed to separate. The person I started dating had left her relationship as well. So whenever we got into an argument in this "new relationship" - I always brought up, "Maybe it's true, however you meet someone determines how you will end it with them." Just like, "Meet em' at a bar & it ends in a bar." And of course, she eventually cheated on me like she did when we first met. There are serial monogamists - and that's okay. But what does it say about someone when they will only leave their husband or wife behind once the affair has bloomed fully - when they feel 100% secure enough to actually admit to the affair? It's like always having someone waiting in the wings, 'just in case'.

So my whole point is this: if you're reading this and you're openly cheating on your spouse on Facebook or Twitter or Instagram or Telegram, errr - then just know that you are being mocked by all your friends, your family, and any "acquaintance" on your friends list.  Not only have I heard quite a few things about some of my closest friends who are doing this, but it leaves the person you're cheating on left in the dark looking like a complete fool. Our girlfriend asked us, "Oh would you mind if I brought Shelly with us tonight?" And Shelly (being the mistress) - and Madelene and I being the mutual friend of the wife that's left home watching reruns of Modern Family - "YES I would mind." That's something I want no part of. To me, if I were to have said "yes" to her new girlfriend, that would mean I was also mocking our friend who has no clue where her other half was. I just think that's sad.

What would you do if your friend asked if he or she could bring their side dish along? Keep in mind - your friends with their other half at home. Would you be okay with that?

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog for some of her famous recipes!