Tuesday, April 28, 2015

The Imperfections of the Perfect Mate

The one thing I have learned over the past decade or so is that you cannot change people. You can only change yourself and the way you perceive an issue or situation that you may not care for. I can't tell you how many times I have seen people complain about their own significant others on Facebook (which is so tactless) again and again and again, to where I think, "Then why stay with them if you're so unhappy?" I wish I had a set of balls to type my thoughts in the comment section, but it's really none of my business...or is it, if they're making it a public issue? No relationship or marriage is perfect. We have to love (even grudgingly) the idiosyncrasies and uniqueness of who we are with - who we chose to have as our life partners. If you complain about a certain issue on and on and on, then why not change how you see it? Obviously, if it hasn't changed then, it's certainly not going to change now or anytime soon. We all have options. #1. Leave. #2. Change our viewpoint. #3. Compromise if possible. I would say "communicate", but even if that person complains even more communicates even more, it can somehow make things worse believe it or not. In some cases, communication may not always be effective. What I mean is - why not be the change? Why not step out of the box and jump into your partner's shoes to see where they're at? If you feel you can't deal with the same issue over and over, then change your circumstances.

Only God can change people. We don't have that power. I remember many moons ago when an ex of mine tried to change me in every single possible way. I became someone I wasn't. My friends and family even noticed my 'reserved' manners, where I couldn't ever speak my mind or make a snarky comment in jest as I usually did --- it was seen as "inappropriate" and "unacceptable". But it was me -- the reason why my friends were in my life. Slowly but surely, I lost some of those friends because they didn't like the "changed" Deb. I felt like I was walking with heavy chains on me, repressed and trapped. The more she tried changing me, the more I morphed into someone I didn't even know myself. And as much as I loved her, when the relationship died, I began living. Nobody should feel trapped or unable to be themselves in a relationship or marriage. Your partner should be your best friend in the world -- the one you accept 'as is' and who you never want to change. Of course there are certain quirks that can use a bit of tweaking, but no one's perfect. We need to start loving the imperfections of our perfect mate.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog for some of her famous recipes!