Friday, January 16, 2009

"You're So Vain"

Apparently, there seems to be a rumor out that AA is a pick up joint. I guess everyone is sick and tired of meeting people in bars, or on internet dating services and chat rooms, that now they have figured out the perfect place to meet their other half---at Alcoholics Anonymous. Lovely.

Who would have thought AA would be such a lure. Maybe an advertisement such as, “Meet the girl or guy of a lifetime at Alcoholics Anonymous. Enjoy a meaningful conversation over a cup of freshly brewed coffee while nibbling on a jelly filled sugar coated donut or sucking on a delicious hard candy given out by one of our local drunks. How sweet it is! And please, no alcohol.”

As I threw my belongings out on the long pull out steel table, “John” said hello. Of course I greeted him back politely. He notices that we both share a love for the java bean elsewhere; a more distinguished cafe: Dunkin Donuts. His stare drilled into my very being. I became a bit paralyzed by his 'deer in the headlights' type of look and started to get a bit irritated. I kept shuffling around making room for the next poor sap that has to sit next to me, ready to tell the entire room how much worse off it was for them.

I glanced over at John and he’s still fixated on me. His daddy long legs were practically hitting the bottom of the table (not sure if the third one was too), and his posture was upright, ready to start a conversation at any given moment. In my mind I’m thinking all sorts of things, trying to pretend that I’m ignoring his excited energy. I wondered what he would have thought if he knew I was a lesbian. If I told him, he’d sadly be more intrigued. But what if I told him I found Jesus? He’d probably run. So it’s on. That’s my way out.

The meeting was about to begin and the directors in the front of the room were about to tell somebody to read the preamble, so they could stutter upon every syllable because they hate reading aloud. It’s always awkward reading in front of 30 or more people.

Before the director says one word, John looks over at me and says, “Cold enough for you?” If there’s one startup pick up line that annoys me the most, it’s this one: frivolous weather chit-chatter. Go away. I had no witty comeback because I was annoyed and irritated just to be sitting amongst this cultish gathering. I nodded and said, “Yeah, it is.” I left my coat on because it was very cold in the room and plus, I didn’t want him eyeing me down anymore than he was--not that I was wearing anything seductive. I could have been wearing a snowsuit for the love of God and he would have probably been pitching a tent anyway. Maybe it’s because I was practically the only woman in that room who looked as though she wasn’t out partying all night. The other ladies who were sitting in their seats looked like a bunch of zombies with dark rings around their eyes. Other gals were shaking and quivering due to withdrawals or just the cold weather itself---who knows? Anything is possible in these rooms.

After 30 people shared their story and time was up, I headed as quickly as I could toward the door. As I stepped outside, I heard somebody yell, “Wait!” It was John. He wanted to know if I was new because he had never seen me before. I told him I’ve been in here for two months but sometimes go to other locations as well. He looked over at my car and said, “Oh what a nice car.” I thanked him and then told him it was nice meeting him. I also thanked him for sharing his story. Then I saw it coming. The question. That look that says, ‘should I ask or just remain quiet’ type of look...

“Do you think...” he paused and stared at me with a weird hesitance--the type of hesitance that comes with asking someone out on a date.

“D-D-Do y-y-you think th-th-that you could p-p-possibly give me a ride home?”

He needed a goddam ride home! It was freezing outside so I couldn't say no. I told him to wait a minute because I had to use the restroom. I told the director of the meeting that I would be driving this gentleman home so another person would know my ‘whereabouts’ if this guy was a weirdo. He didn’t seem to be.

So I took him.

But for some reason, I couldn’t get the song, “You’re So Vain” out of my head. I need a reality check for real. Don't believe rumors you hear.