Wednesday, March 14, 2007

The Stigma of Homosexuality

Too many of us assume why we are the way we are. We do this, because something tragic happened to us in the past. Does our past manifest our actions later on in life? Do we counteract whatever it was that hurt our hearts so deeply from the past? Do we rebel and keep resenting it over and over again? Or do we go along our paths as if nothing happened? If nothing ever happened to us, then we have nothing to counteract; we have nothing to rebel against.

As I said in my previous post, I truly believe that I was born gay. I believe every person who’s gay was born like that due to genetics. Other people think it’s simply a ‘choice’. For some, as Miss 1999 pointed out, it may have been a choice for shock value, rebellion and for many other reasons. But the people who knew and grew up being gay have this stigma of being abused when they were younger, or being abused—period while being in a bad relationship. And yes, that happens a lot.

I have a page on Myspace where I connect with old friends as well as new folks. I advertise my book, I post bulletins about new blog posts that I think are important to read and I like to know about new happenings around my area. The majority of my ‘friends’ on Myspace are gay or lesbian. It was initially to set out for connecting with old friends, until someone told me that this site was a great source for advertising. I do it for both.

A girl emailed me through this site and explained to me the reason why she’s into women is because her ex-boyfriend was physically abusive to her. So basically, the fear of men has led her to go with women intimately. I would like to think that just because one man was a jerk, doesn’t mean that all men are. I feel bad that she turned to the gay lifestyle, because it’s much harder than living the heterosexual lifestyle. Or is it? In her case, it’s easier to live the gay lifestyle due to what she’s been through. Some women have a knack for picking out abusive men. One of my old friends kept picking out her boyfriends one by one—each being more abusive than the other. It’s not like she wanted to get abused, it was just her selection of men she chose to date.

I went to this female therapist who happened to be gay about seven years back. She was into relaxation techniques, relationship problems and stress management. She focused on the gay and lesbian community mostly. She dealt with the issues that arose within the community. She had asked me, “Were you ever abused in your childhood?” And I explained to her that I grew up with the most loving parents. They treated me kindly, never hit or spanked me and never abused me in any way. They’ve never separated or divorced either. She found it hard to believe. Then she hit me with this question:

“Were you ever sexually abused, either by your parents, siblings or cousins or someone close to the family?”

“No!” I said, in shock that she even attempted to ask me this. Now, keep in mind that this female therapist is gay too. She was abused, and assumed that everyone else who’s gay was in fact, abused too. This made me very angry, but most of all, it made me sad to think that ‘one of us’ thinks like this! I explained my relationship with my mother. She was my best friend, my caretaker and someone I looked up to. Never once did she ever hit me or abuse me. My father was always joking around with us, giving us lavish gifts and always protecting us from any danger. Sure he yelled and his temper flew off the handle, but he was gentle and never, ever harmed us in any way. My three older sisters treated me as if I were their own child. There was nothing but love within my family while growing up. I don’t remember anyone close to the family abusing me. I don’t recall any abuse whatsoever.

“Well you may be blocking it out Deb.” She said, as she kept staring at me, trying to find a glimpse of a secret being held.

“I’m sorry. I’m not going to tell you what you want to hear. I don’t have any past experiences like that.”

And just because someone was abused in their past does not mean that their sexual orientation changes. Take for instance a heterosexual woman who was abused by her ex-boyfriend or ex-husband. What explains her remarrying another man? See, people are different. For whatever reason they do what they do, it’s “their choice”. Being a lesbian isn’t a choice, unless it’s fear of men. That’s different. But to categorize all gays and lesbians into this file of abusive pasts is ridiculous.

So, does our past manifest our actions later on in life? I’d like to think so, but in a positive way. It’s nice to think that our past is what makes us who we are today. We can learn from it all and whatever it is we don’t like, we can change. We can learn from our past and try it differently, or we can keep running in circles making the same mistakes over and over again.

As Einstein once defined insanity:
“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

Please take a look at Dawn’s bio on her website. It explains her life as a Christian lesbian. I just found it this morning and thought it was quite interesting.


LarryLilly said...

I fully understand your being born gay. But riddle me this. I was asked to be the supervisor of a man I will call Paul, that was in the pre-surgical period to become Paulette. Paul was married, 50ish, with 3 kids. Paul was doing the whole pre stuff, hormonal shots, dressing etc. That I could fully understand. Paul was not a man, Paul was a woman stuck in a mans body. SHE was finally breaking loose. I always spoke with Paul as there was constant harassment of him (during pre-op, he/she had to use the womans rest rooms in an adjacent building, the women in our building would not allow him to use theirs, understandable perhaps.)
But the extra detail i could never get a reasonable explanation from Paul, was that when Paulette was a lesbian. When she came back from her surgery, court order proclaimer her to be a legal female, Paulette was also a lesbian. Thats where I still to do this day wonder. I can understand the first shift, but the second? I still talk with Paulette even after I now work in a different state, and had lunch with her when she was in Dallas 2 years ago sporting a large beautiful pappilon butterfly on her shoulder, with a lovely summer dress exposing her shoulders (Paulette is an imposing woman, 6-1, a size 15 womans pump)

Is that plausible thinking? Or I am just showing my ignorance of her true feelings?

~Deb said...

I’m glad you brought that up. MTF’s-(Male to Females) also have a stigma for ‘being gay’. Just because someone undergoes a sex change operation---it has nothing to do with their sexual orientation. I know, it can be confusing for some, but it’s not ignorance.

See, when a man feels like ‘shes’ a woman stuck inside a man’s body, she IS a woman. So to take steps in changing ‘herself’, she has to go through hormone therapy, intense emotional turmoil as well as possible family conflict. People get confused when “Paulette” or people like her, come out of the operation STILL liking women. They think, “Well shouldn’t he like men now that he’s changed?” He is a she. And, the confusion lies within the sexual orientation aspect of it. In fact, this person isn’t gay, ‘she’ was a male, who preferred women, and still prefers to date women even with ‘her’ new body.

Anonymous said...

How can anyone claim, in good conscience, that homosexuals are born that way and have no choice? When someone says they are homosexual, our first response should be to try and find out if he/she was sexually abused and, if so, to then punish the abuser.

Our next response should be to provide therapy to homosexuals to help them cope with their problems.

Those who push the born-homosexual line are effectively ignoring the sexual abuse of children. What kind of "people" want to let pedophiles get away with sexually abusing little kids?

(If sexual abuse happens to a one-year or two-year old child, he or she may not remember it later in life because it happened at such a young age. However, the trauma can govern the rest of the victim's life. Some homosexuals will swear they were never sexually abused, but they have no way of knowing for sure.)

Skilled psychologists and psychiatrists have had much success changing homosexuals into heterosexuals. (They have been successful because most if not all homosexuals were probably born heterosexual.)

Dr. Reuben Fine, Director of the New York Center for Psychoanalytic Training: "It is paradoxical that even though the politically active homosexual group[s] denies the possibility of change, all studies from Schrenk-Notzing on have found positive effects, virtually regardless of the kind of treatment used....If the homosexual patients were motivated, whatever procedure [i.e., treatment] is adopted, a large percentage will give up their homosexuality."

Those who oppose using therapy to change homosexuals into heterosexuals are, in effect, trying to keep homosexuals locked into homosexuality. Those who oppose such therapy do not want homosexuals to have a choice, a way out of homosexuality. That's un-American, inhumane, intolerant, and meanly oppressive.

In addition, considering all the solid scientific evidence that homosexuals are mentally disturbed to one degree or another because of sexual abuse (or dysfunctional parents or other negative developmental influences many homosexuals experienced), it is clear that those psychiatrists and psychologists who say homosexuality should NOT be on the officially approved list of mental illnesses are seemingly incompetent malpractitioners. They appear to be more interested in being "politically (in)correct" than in the truth. Incompetent malpractitioners should have their licenses to ply their professions revoked.

One last note: Homosexuals do not want you to know that many of them were sexually abused when young, because many people who were so abused go on to molest others. And homosexuals do not want you to know that they are more likely to molest children than heterosexuals are.

LarryLilly said...

Deb, I remember telling Paulette that for all the hassles she was going through, wouldnt it have been easier to pretend he was a she, and just well, LOL, you can see where that would go. I told her that she had more balls than most men for all the problems. I swear, I must have had to write a letter every week on some alleged event that never did happen.

But you pointed out what i was missing, a two parter, what is my sexuality (plumbing, emotions), and what is my orientation (straight or gay).

So a MTF can have two decisions to make, plumbing and orientation. OK, now I get it.

I should send Paulette an e-mail, telling her I understand it now.

A funny, after she came back from her surgery in belgium, where she said it was cheaper even counting the 4 weel recoup period instead of getting it done in Colorado Springs, she and i were in the elevator going to the parking garage. In comes a guy "Paul" knew from his military service. There was the awkward moment, this guy sort of knew who she was, buit there was something wrong, then Paulette blurted out, Hi Chuck, its me, Paul (last name), I mean Paulette. I left the elevator at that time, and let them sort it out alone. Its a shame, his wife, obviously and his kids disowned him, only his dad was receptive to it all (his mom had passed before).

Its not easy being her.

~Deb said...

Anonymous: All I can say is that your statistics are way off. You cannot change a homosexual into a heterosexual. It’s as if I were to change YOU into being a homosexual. You just don’t swing that way---and that’s okay. But you have to understand the true statistics of abuse- it doesn’t discriminate or point out certain people. It comes in all forms, shapes and sizes. But the reality of it is, we’re all susceptible to it, however, it doesn’t mean that we’re going to necessarily change our sexual orientation.

Larrylilly: It’s very confusing sometimes. But think of it like this—Paulette is liberated. She’s liberated from being held inside a man’s body. She was a female from the inside ever since she was born, and she’s a female now---and feels absolutely wonderful about it; about “herself”. A lot of people will disown a person due to a sex change. But what we should try to do is understand where the person is coming from and take a look at their past and how unhappy and unsettled they were living the life as a gender that they were uncomfortable in. The emotional turmoil Paulette had to go through must have been pure torture. But look at her now, look within her now. You probably see happiness---you see fear, but that’s the fear of other people calling her a ‘freak’ or something to that nature. Ignorant people will call her that. Try to learn more about it, and I’ll bet you anything, Paulette will thank you for it! I hope her happiness overflows!

The Rev. Dr. Kate said...

I cannot believe annonymous' comments. How is it possible in this day and age to be so nieve and judgmental!? Homosexuals are no more likely to be pedophiles than heterosexuals - the pathology of pedophilia includes issues other than sexuality (such a power!). I have know several normal, well-adjusted, happy children and young adults who all knew from a young age that they were gay. In my work, I have observed that the supposed "mental illness" shown by homosexuals has nothing to do with how they were raised as children and nothing to do with their homosexuality per se. A good deal of anxiety and trauma comes from society's treatment of gay and lesbian people. A culture like ours that is both homophobic and misogynistic is a "crazy-making one - it applies power against those who are different (such as not letting gay and lesbians marry or giving them equal rights to spousal benefits, etc). and then when those injustices are reacted against, blames the victims of the society's oppression for being "crazy" or mentally ill. That is where the abuse piece comes in - our society is abusive to gay and lesbian people- and it is what has to change and learn to be healthy - not the perfectly fine, happily normal (and who of us really is normal? Of any sexual preference?) homosexuals who are living their lives, doing their work, loving their partners, raising their children and being good citizens.
P.S. -Anonymous - "brain washing" has been used to correct a host of societally deemed "unhealthy behaviors." That the kind of therapy you name "works" is proof only of succesful therapies of coercion! Just ask surviors of the soviet gulags!

Enemy of the Republic said...

Guess what, anonymous, there are people who have been sexually abused and are heterosexual too. Abuse is not the criteria for sexuality; instead, it becomes the reason why some people have difficulty maintaining a positive sexual sense of self. Homosexuality in itself is not negative; do you know how many gay people are healthier about their sexuality than heteros, particularly in the religious community? Personally, I get tired of all this condemnation. If you really want to do battle on this issue, why hide behind your anonymous identity?

etain_lavena said...

Why does ppl always comment anonymous.....gosh....
Deb, I believe you are born gay it is not a defect it is what you are meant to be....I was abused when I was younger....and I still like took me a while to cope, cause I did not tell anybody, but that is besides the point.
What happens in your life is there for you to learn from. I can not believe that Shrink...why does everything need to happen out of abuse, yes trauma does do damage and yes in some cases it changes ppl lots....
Good on ya for doing your own thing....and good luck in your life journey...
Thanks for visiting my blogs:)

Spoke said...

Hey Deb. Glad you're still kicking, I hope you're well.
You know, I still can't get my head around the whole Christian/Lesbian doesn't make sense to me no matter how much I look to the Word. I can't pretend to beleive that this lifestyle is cool with Jesus. Perhaps I'm still missing something. By the same token, I can't see how "Christians" think they can come down ( or up against) the gay community! Sure is a pickle. I'm glad it's not up to me.
As I've said before, my favorite colour is green. Nothing, no-how, no-where will change that. I think it was "born into me". But I'm not certain about the "born gay" argument/excuse.

~Deb said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
~Deb said...

Rev. Kate: You said, “A good deal of anxiety and trauma comes from society's treatment of gay and lesbian people. A culture like ours that is both homophobic and misogynistic is a "crazy-making one - it applies power against those who are different (such as not letting gay and lesbians marry or giving them equal rights to spousal benefits, etc).”
It’s so true though. They say that the gay & lesbian community has a higher suicidal rate. I say it’s because of people bashing them, ridiculing them for loving another human being. Ignorant people are the cause of these people’s depression and frustrations. It’s sad, isn’t it?

Enemy of the republic: I know quite a few heterosexual people who were abusive. They go on to say that homosexuals are the ones who sexually abuse people? Maybe some of that is true, but you can’t rule out heterosexuals. It’s people of all lifestyles who abuse. Let them comment anonymously—it shows how cowardly they are. I allow it, however their ignorance shows right through.

Etain_lavena: It’s true, people change after a traumatic incident in their life—whether good or bad. Thank you for sharing that. Abuse comes in all different forms and different people. Anonymous’ statistics are way off. Thanks for stopping by!

Spoke: You said the Christian/lesbian identity doesn’t make sense. Well, I’ll put it to you this way. #1, I’m a follower of the Christian faith. I have a relationship with God and follow the teachings of Jesus. He’s number one in my life. #2. I love and cherish a person of the same gender, who also loves God with all her heart. So therefore, we’re both Christians, and we’re both lesbians. Regardless of what people may think—as far as it being an oxymoron, there are plenty of other ‘labels’ that seem to be just that as well. It’s in the churches- it’s in your neighborhood and those around you.
*Christian adulterers
*Christian liars
*Christian gossipers
*Christian coveters
*Christian gluttons

Now here’s the big difference between loving someone of the same gender and the list I mentioned above. Homosexuality between two people who love one another monogamously is not a sin! It’s the promiscuous nature that makes it a sin. Any hetero-homo that is promiscuous is sinful.

So then, if we are all sinners, then how do you explain what you are? I don’t mean that out of disrespect, but if you have faith that God brought His only Son here on earth and sacrificed Him for our sins---you wouldn’t be asking such questions.

If you had faith in that, you know that the old law doesn’t apply. And, there’s not one scripture in the bible that tells us that loving another human being of the same gender is wrong. Promiscuity---yes. But that goes for both heterosexuals and homosexuals.

And yes, I was born gay. What explains why I was drawn to women at a very young age? What explains why I had crushes on my girlfriends when I was younger? Or when I used to dress like a boy? I never wanted to be with a man. I did it because “I was told to”. Now, I go with my heart and I’m with the woman I love. How is that wrong? And I know it’s blessed by God. And yes, “Jesus is cool with it."

Thanks for commenting!

Dave said...

I know as Iam writing this down that, to most it may sound as if I do not live in the real world. But here it goes. Why do we have to answer the questions when it comes to our lifetstyles? Why can't we all just live our lives and not be judged. Do we ever ask a heterosexual what made you straight? When we can live our life and be part of the universe without any conditions then perhaps we will be a little closer to the way we were intended to be. If we all have love in our hearts and live the love we have and we care for the next person because they are here on the journey with us, then we will have made some progress. I have friends and relatives and enemies in this world and who cares about how they choose to live as long as they have a smile in thier heart and kind word and the willingness to help and be helped.
Oh, well I just wanted to lend my 2 cents. Keep the change.

Margie said...

I love Dave's comment!
I could not have put it any better!
Deb, you are a beautiful and very special person...
Don't pay any attetion to this anonymous character!
God bless you Deb!

~Deb said...

Dave: You’re absolutely right! It’s as if we need to have a reason to live our lifestyle and explain it to people who don’t feel ‘it’s right’. What you said sounds like a perfect world. Will it happen? I’m not too sure about that. I like the way you think though! Thanks so much for your input, Dave.

Margie: Thank you! You’re very kind.

Enemy of the Republic said...

I too like Dave's comment. And Deb, you know I got your back on this one. The hypocrisy among the Christian community (yes, I am one and I am not gay, but what if I were?)is staggering--I do believe as I said earlier that sexuality is orientation, period. I am not sure why this is such a hot topic among Christians--if Jesus were so against it, why did he not condemn it? And we've already discussed the Paul and Leviticus writings. The God I love and worship loves us all. The end.

Catch said...

Someof those therapists think everyone was abused....if you werent they try to make you think you were even when you know better, stay away from them...they are nuttier than we are! Not everyone in this world was molested....and God help the ones that were. I do believe it truly messes up their mind, but I dont believe it makes them gay. And the girl who chose women after a bad relationship....that relationship didnt make her gay...either she already was or it was something she chose to do for whatever reason. I know women who have had many bad relationships. They may turn against men, but they dont turn gay. I tend to agree with you Deb, its something you were born with. A lot of these young kids who profess to be gay...I think it is a rebellious thing for them..or maybe they are trying to shock someone in their family. Or maybe just experimenting.

JR's Thumbprints said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
JR's Thumbprints said...

My former boss was a lesbian, but I didn't give two shits about her sexuality because she did her job and backed her employees. Furthermore, her being gay wasn't backed by some agenda. She didn't turn out that way because of what some man did to her (and I can respect that).

Miss 1999 said...

You know, it's appauling that so many people (including therapist) assume that because someone is homosexual that they've been abused, and that's what's "caused them to be this way." It just sickens me.

Like I've stated before, I believe 99.9% of people who are homosexual were born this way. They didn't chose to be. They didn't "become" homosexual from some type of abuse or trauma in their lives-- it's just who they are-- why is it so hard for people to grasp this?

PS: Aren't you proud, I ignored the troll :0)

magiceye said...

chk this out

probably a lesbian stuck in a man's body paul/paulette?

DaBich said...

Deb ~ who says ANYONE has to have a reason to "validate" being gay? Did someone make that a rule? pfffft....I cannot stand narrow minded people.
I met a friend from online about 5 years ago. He wanted very much to be female. I urged him to do what his heart told him. he's in the process now. Going from Brian to Amy. He/She is one of the sweetest people I ever met. His wife doesn't understand and I feel for her. He has two kids and two grandchildren. I have to give him credit for facing all that. It has to be hard!
We keep in touch, but he's way across the state of PA from me. oh, and he's an OTR trucker LOL

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

shit, where the fuck did my commnent go?...some of a bitch..

ok, i will say it again..

its pretty sad this therapist and i use that term loosely, thinks that u should of been moeltsted as to a reason why your seems to me that maybe she is ashamed of being gay and thinks that throwing around sexual abuse is a good excuse as to why u or her or anyone might be gay..

did that make any sence? made sence to first time i wrote it...son of a bitch..

~Deb said...

Enemy of the republic: It amazes me how many “Christians” purely focus on the homosexuality issue. I never got why they harped on it so much when there are plenty of murderers and thieves out there hurting people. Does it make sense? Thanks for your input!

Catch: This therapist was a bit off her rocker and I always wondered how she got her certificate of being a therapist in the first place. Everyone’s different and they have different reasons of why they do certain things or how they are. People can’t just categorize everyone in one label. It’s impossible. Thanks Catch!

Jr’s Thumbprints: I hear all too often, “Who hurt you?” No one hurt me. And a lot of people assume that a “man” hurt me in the past. I’ve actually had great loving relationships with men in the past. Women hurt me more actually! Thanks for stopping by!

Miss 1999: I am SO proud of you! (ha) Too funny. But yeah, that’s why I mentioned what you said in my post. It’s so true – and the ones who choose to be gay have their reasons as well- I’m not going to judge them. And no, ‘those people’ can’t grasp it, but then again, each have their own opinions and beliefs just like you and me.

Magiceye: Hmm…

Dabich: I’ve experienced that also. My friend “Dave” became “Deanna”, and his ex-wife is straight, and still wants to have her “husband” back. It was too hard for her to cope with. “Deanna” still remains to date women, because her sexuality has nothing to do with her changing sexes. Some people ARE gay, and change sexes, but everyone’s different. The hardest part is when they lose their life partner (wife or husband). But it’s kind of understandable. They want to continue being married to the person they initially met. I can see their view, and I also feel sad about it too. Hard call.

Bossy: You crack me up. You’re like my little angry commenter ranting about the quirks in the blogger system. Your comment totally made sense. Who knows, maybe she was embarrassed about being gay and wanted to blame it on someone. Is that where you were going with that statement? Because I can totally see that. Sad how people work sometimes. You managed to crack me up this morning with your frustrations Bossy! Love ya! xxoo

QUASAR9 said...

Hi Deb,
does it matter which religion?

We all have different preferences
Being christian no more guarantees liking the same thing as other christians, anymore than being gay guarantees liking other women, or other gays ... or being liked by them.

There will be gays that you don't get on with
There will be women that you don't see 'eye 2 eye' with
There will be christians that you do not agree with

DNA clearly defines the colour of our skin, our eyes, our hair, our tendency to put on weight chewing on a lettuce leaf, or our inherited degenerative diseases
However, I'm not sure DNA has much to do with our 'preferences' or our behaviour.
Was a thief born a thief?
Was a rapist born a rapist?
Was a nun born a nun??? - or does she make a choice and a commitment.

~Deb said...

Quasar: Being a thief takes action to do. Being a rapist takes evil plotting to do. Being a nun, you need a 'calling from God', in order to do that.

Being gay is not a choice. I did not choose to be gay. How can you compare a rapist with loving someone of the same gender? I give you more credit than that! :)

Were you born a heterosexual male? Or did you make a choice to fall in love with your wife or girlfriend----or did you just fall in love with her from your heart?

Matt-Man said...

Unbelievable...Following the therapist's logic, I am a heterosexual because I WASNT abused!! Oh how the world is full of educated morons. Good post as always Deb, Cheers!!

kathi said...

Seems like that is always the root to all problems in therapy. I'd changed two different therapists when I was first diagnosed with depression, because they both kept insisting I'd been molested and couldn't remember it (because I do have serious memory problems). Got to the point to where I was, okay...treat me as if I had, what would THAT treatment be then? I quit them both after lot's of time and lot's of money because I felt like I couldn't give them what they wanted, lol...they made me even more depressed.

Our past helps mold our character.

QUASAR9 said...

Hi Deb,
that's why I included the Nun.
The Nun may fall in love with a man or with a woman, but still choose to become a nun.
Calling from God?
So does god call people to be even what they are not born 'naturally' to be

PS - I love you the same
No matter who you 'love'.
Who you love or 'choose' to love is down to you
This applies the same whichever the gender of the person loving or the person loved, does it not?

~Deb said...

Matt: This therapist was convinced that I was abused, Matt. It was pathetic listening to her try to convince me that I was! Thanks!

Kathi: It’s fascinating how therapists will pinpoint that to any root problem Kath. This one therapist had me giving HER advice! I don’t get it. Is it all a business?

Quasar: Hmm, not sure where you were going with that one… I mean, I was born gay- without the Birckenstocks and a love for Harley’s, but I knew I was different and drew more towards the female gender. When I say a ‘calling from God’, I meant that when a nun (before she’s a nun) feels the intense urge to go into the convent and make that commitment, it’s a call from God. But when you say, “Does God call people to be a nun even when they are not born ‘naturally’ to be”----a calling from God is natural. This doesn’t have anything to do with sexual orientation and how someone is attracted to the same gender. So, my friend, let me ask you again, were you born a heterosexual? Or did you choose to be? And of course I love you just the same, no matter who you love as well. I’m just picking your brain because you give an interesting thought to it all. And, I will tell you, I didn’t choose to love my girlfriend---believe me, ask her! I just fell in love. My life was complicated enough as it was!

Cheers! :)

GW Mush said...


I would prefer if I was your room mate...and you were straight.... then one day we were arm wrestling... and we fell to the floor and wrestled.... then it led to hot sex and stuff....then I woke up from my dream and had to shave and shower:)

~Dawn said...

I believe that both our DNA and our upbringing have an impact on whether we are gay or straight. Some of the upbringing has more of an impact than others.

However, Each one of us can only speak from our own experiences and I believe that most of the gays and most of the straights will say they are happy with the sexual orientation that they have been given by God/Fate.
It is the circumstances (family/friends/religion/career) that surround us that can make it difficult and cause us question ourselves and our own sanity.

Great read, ~Deb (thanks for the linkage)

Pittchick said...

It seems odd that a therapist would be so predisposed to something like that. Of course, I don't know anything about the profession, but I thought they were suppossed to keep an open mind.

Take 2 said...


My cousin who is gay was sexually abused...... it is so sad that any child would ever have to endure such incredible pain. I have sat on the sidelines and listened to him and another cousin argue on why he is "gay". He tried denying to her that he had been abused but she said "That is bull _ _ __!" Anyways very interesting conversation to watch unfold and listen in on. For a change I kept my mouth shut!!! :-)

For me..... I don't get it all either. Nor do I really need to I guess. I don't walk in your shoes or anyone elses only mine. So again I say God keeps the books.

It saddens me that you guys in the gay lifestyle take so much of your wonderful energy defending your position....... I wish you could just rest, relax and be able to sit and hear what God says to you. Never in this lifetime will we be able to get all of man's (female/male) approval and I pray that you can find peace....

You know my heart.... you read my blogs. You know I respect you and love you as a person.

All of us, male/female, heterosexual/homosexual give an account to God and no man. I will leave it at that.

Love ya girl and I am praying for ya. (and your readers too) :-)

Dana :-)

Nancy said...

I should stop reading your comment section. I need an antacid every time I do. I am glad to see, for the most part, that people are kind. The others give me heartburn.

We will never all agree or fully understand anything on this earth. Even ourselves. We're kidding ourselves if we think we have a fraction of the answers at this point.

I'd like to think that at the end of my life when I go home, I'll take one more look back at life on this planet, slap my forehead with my palm, and yell, "D'oh! Now I get it!"


~Deb said...

GW Mush: If you were my roommate, I would be making you shovel the driveway, making you my handyman and of course, turning you into a full fledged alcoholic because I hate to drink alone. Hot sex? Hmm, I’m bad in the sack, you could do so much better GW!

Dawn: Exactly---I agree with you. We speak from our own experiences only. But it just disturbs me whenever someone ‘assumes’ your past. And linking your site only educates people as well as myself!

Pittchick: I have to say I know a whole lot about the profession (sitting on the couch across from the professional for years!) But it just amazes me sometimes how closed-minded some of them are. They go by the teachings of therapy and not the problems of the individual themselves. That’s just my opinion though.

Take 2: I’m s sorry that your cousin was abused. I would have definitely been quiet listening to that conversation. It’s sad, and confusing, because I know someone close to me that was abused by a relative. His uncle did this when he was younger. He’s gay, but see, if his uncle did the abusing, wouldn’t he be afraid of ‘men’ and turn to women? So I don’t know how that works in regards to ‘which way someone goes’-----or does it matter at all? Is it all about the genes regardless of abuse or not? And yeah, I find myself defending my lifestyle to therapists, people that comment on here, as well as people in general. I just want to give ‘my side’ of the story of why I’m gay, and how I knew at a very young age that I was gay- without any sexual or physical abuse. I actually defend myself- or for a lack of better words, ask questions to see why I am the way I am “if” it’s not in fact, a gene that makes me gay. I read your blogs all the time. They give me encouragement and hope. God really works through you and it’s evident through your writings. You’ve taught me a lot and God has spoken through your words---straight to me and I’m sure to many other people who read you. Thank you for praying for me, I know I need it! My prayers and thoughts are with you also! Thanks again for stopping by!

Nancy: Zantac at the door of my blog. No no no---not Xanax! (Although it might be a good idea, huh?) I don’t think anyone will ever ‘get it’. I still don’t. I know myself, but I can’t speak for others. I don’t know how people can just assume why people are the way they are. I can just say how I feel and how I grew up. It’s like politics and religion, no one will ever fully agree upon a certain topic or side. It’ll always be up in the air...

grace said...

Thanks for adding me to your links, Deb...I will do the same my friend!
love and grace,

Nea said...

Sexual preference is just that, a preference. We have sex with who we feel comfortable with. Be they man or woman. I had two close male friends, who were living as a couple. We had many discussions about gay and lesbian relationships. The funny thing was, Rich had been married, and had two kids. To me that indicates a degree of confusion as to sexual preference. Also, he flirted with me, which I also found confusing. Steven his partner, had only gone to the prom one time with a girl, just to please his Dad, he knew from the time he was small he preferred boys to girls. for the most part his young life was pretty miserable. He even had to change his name, because his Dad refused to let him use the family name in a gay relationship. Steven and I were good friends, we shopped, we knitted, we had long talks about girl things. I saw more than just a sexual preference going on in Steven, he preferred the same things that woman preferred. Rick and Steven's relationship only lasted 10 years, and then they both began cheating on the other. I asked Rick why, and he said, for the same reasons everyone cheats, you grow tired of the same old thing, plus you don't have the marriage and children to help hold you together. (although I have been married three times so I can attest to the fact that doesn't work either).

But Rick summed it up this way, some people are just more sexual than others, and don't really care who they have sex with. To me that was a bi sexual statement. Because I know for a fact that Steven didn't feel that way. I came to the conclusion sexual relationships are not easy for anyone.

Queenie said...

Just found your blog, and I think everything I would have said has been said. Me I just love people for who they are not what they are.

Neers said...

DEB!!! first take this - a huge *MUAHH!* felt like giving one of the tightest peck ever!! :)

i simply love the perspective! and not to mention, that not only i completely agree but have been theorizing this for long!!

you put it perfectly! :)