And I do thank God it’s Friday. If it weren’t for God giving up His only son on this day, my sins would have never been forgiven.
This morning while I was praying, I realized that I was caught up with a few addictions. For the longest time I didn’t consider my daily routines and other little things to be called ‘addictions’; but they are. Sometimes I go into this denial phase and ignore what’s really going on, when in fact, it’s totally taking over my life. “Oh this? It’s normal…” I say to myself. It’s small enough to be intriguing or interesting--whatever it is, until it becomes a larger problem later on.
Let me put aside my own addictions. (Not that I have a problem with alcohol, sex, over indulgence with good food and spending too much money that I don’t have.) Eh hem! ...Let me get into why I think it’s important to have God come into my life and ‘take control’ instead.
Instead of obsessing over things that make the average human happy in this world, I’ve asked God to take complete control over my desires of things that conflict with the law. “Oh but she’s such a good person.” I have even heard this phrase come out of someone who ‘should’ be upset with what I did recently. (Thank you for saying that.) But in reality, I’m not that ‘good person’. I’m a person with flaws, imperfections, obsessions and addictions that make me do things that are unhealthy not only to me—but those around me. I apologize to any of you who’ve come across my path who were hurt or upset with me, due to my addictive behavior.
“Who are you and what did you do with Deb?” You’re probably asking yourself right about now. I’d like to say that my guilty conscience is a gift from God. Guilt is always a bad thing; but sometimes it’s enough to budge you back in the right direction. I’m not even sure I know what direction I’m going in—but I’m trusting in God today. I’m giving my life up so He can take control. I’m not sure what will happen or what that means for my future (except for a reward in heaven—maybe a great set of wings and a halo made out of platinum) but I hope this will help me with a lot of unresolved problems in my life.
This doesn’t imply that I’m about to become this perfect person. No. It just means that I am asking God for help; asking Him to guide my life at this time so I don’t stumble and fall into something I can’t get out of. Lately, it’s been ‘too much of everything’, and the concept of moderation has gone out the window and tossed in the woods somewhere. I seem to overdo it with everything I do. One drink, leads into twelve. (Shush yo’mouth Alyssa…) Of course I’m still going to have a glass of wine or three, or a few beers here and there—but no more binge drinking. (Close that trap Sue!)
Another downfall are my thoughts. One slightly impure thought goes into a ton of ‘what if that actually happened’ type of scenario. And don’t think that thoughts are just ‘thoughts’. If you think them up enough, they could become a reality—which has happened in my case. Everyone around me knows that I eat like a bird—but pretty much healthy foods, but lately it’s been a helluva food choice for me. I’ve been eating absolute crap lately; which has effected my entire life as far as sluggishness and moods, as well as put on a few pounds. And this coming from only a certain type of foods---fried or processed stuff. Not good—stay away from those if you can. I always stayed away from them until recently. It does take a toll on the body and fast!
Living beyond my means. I have champagne taste on a beer budget. See? There goes my obsession on alcohol again! I usually tip way too much, spend too much on something I can get for less, or just blow money out the window on alcohol and other things before necessities. I know well enough not to tap into my savings or even ‘think’ that I have a savings—but I need to be more cautious and particular with what I spend my money on. It’s been reckless lately.
So does this mean that Deb is going to change? Well, hopefully for the better. I hope that my health goes in a better direction because of this and the people around me don’t get hurt with my words or actions.
I just think today is the perfect day to do this; the day Jesus died for us on the cross.
When the Holy Spirit controls our lives, he will produce this kind of fruit in us; love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Here there is no conflict with the law. ~Galatians 5:22-23
Patience and self-control are the two things that I’m seriously lacking. I guess the first step is admitting it. The second step is having faith that God will change me as a person.
Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will know what God wants you to do, and you will know how good and pleasing and perfect his will really is. ~Romans 12:2
A lot of my behavior is influence by a lot that goes on around me. Sometimes I get caught up in the henhouse full of gossip, and it’s hard to stop. I don’t even realize I’m doing it, until after someone finds out about it. Little things like that can add up to a huge amount of guilt and anxiety. Even little white lies. I think it’s safe to say that we all do it from time to time.
Believe me, I’m not sure what this all means for me right now. I will let you know ‘what changes’ as I blog about stuff daily. I guess you can see the results with the happenings of my life. God says that He will change you if you accept Him into your heart. So, I’m going to see what changes occur and I will write them down. Maybe something huge will take place—I’m not sure. Only God knows.
I promise this though… My humor and comical side will never change. That’s just something I’ve had for years. (Or think I had) I may poke fun at something—but usually it’s done in good nature. I’m not going to become this dull holy rolling, bible thumpin’ Christian who slaps you on the wrist with a ruler screaming, “Bad bad bad bad!” No. I’m still Deb, I’m still ‘me’, but with a greater power working in my heart. Remember, God is the king of comedy—He’s the one who even invented it.
So today I pray…
“God, I’m sorry for my sins. Right now, I turn from my sins and ask you to forgive me. Thank you for sending Jesus Christ to die on the cross for my sins. Jesus, I ask you to come into my life and be my Lord, Savior, and Friend. Thank you for forgiving me and giving me eternal life. In Jesus’ name I pray. …Amen.”