Living Proof

If it's not one thing, it's another, right? One problem goes away, and another one takes its place. It's life's little "bully" tugging at your backpack straps. Two steps forward, and then next thing you know, you're down on the ground struggling to get back up again. What I'm learning through my own faith, is to trust God in every situation in your life. One of my purposes here is to struggle through certain things, and find out what works best to eliminate it, or to lessen the blows at least. I try to figure out the best solution, and then to share it with others when I have either overcome it, or have gotten better coping with whatever it is. So today I want to share what helped me survive the entire year of 2020.  My struggles actually started way before 2020, but my heightened sense of fear, as well as other ailments that followed it, like a racing heart and palpitations, which started after my mom died back in 2017. I also suffered from loneliness...

It's been a tragic ride this past year. The truth is, nobody knows the truth. Whether you're on the left, or on the right, or somewhere in between those thin lines of political entanglement, it's still disheartening to see our world, our government, our own people, crumble into pieces, shattered like a broken mirror, giving us painful shards of bad luck. Whether you are disappointed that our president is no longer in power, or disappointed that our Capitol got raided by protesters, they're all valid feelings. It's okay to feel what you feel.  I read this quote from Lori Deschene that says, "You don't have to be positive all the time. It's perfectly okay to feel sad, angry, frustrated, scared and anxious. Having feelings doesn't make you a negative person. It makes you human."  It Is All Out of Our Control I've learned to stop internalizing circumstances outside of my being. This is something I cannot control. I can only control my reactions...

Don't give up, no matter how bleak it looks. You're going to have 'not so good' days, when you find yourself breaking down and throwing in the towel. That's okay. Have your moment. But afterwards, sleep it off. With the days getting shorter, especially when the early day is dreary and rainy, it can mess with your psyche. Sometimes, it feels like the entire day is nighttime, each day meshing into the next, as if it were one. It's like waking up from a nightmare that you can't shake off, but eventually, when you pour your coffee and let the hot shower wash away your anxiety, that same nightmare is almost forgettable. It's the same as having a really bad day. Shake it off with time and much needed sleep. In the morning, it usually feels different and much lighter. Last night, I found myself feeling really anxious, so I called a friend. She managed to make me laugh so much, that my panic attack subsided. She wasn't like, " Okay, now calm down,"...

Isn't it fascinating how some people can tear you apart over on social media (keyboard warriors) but in real life, they wouldn't dare confront you? Even if I'm debating with someone online, I try to take a respectable approach, a nicer approach, because it's the adult thing to do. It's what I want to do. I want to treat you with respect, and hear you out, but also be allowed to give you my opinion as well. But what happens when you're verbally attacked and insulted for say, tweeting out an opinion? Would that same person be willing to say that face-to-face? I could not even make this up, but a woman named, Karen----go ahead and laugh it out----seemed to be upset when I replied to a tweet that said, "People recovering from COVID-19 may suffer from significant brain function impacts, with the worst cases of the infection linked to mental decline equivalent to the brain aging by 10 years, researchers warn."    So I responded... Karen decided to chime in, ...

 "Do you need a hug?" Madelene asked, before she was heading off to work. I was crying into my coffee, reading a scripture that said something along the lines of, "God can giveth and God can taketh - and to be prepared for anything God takes from you." My heart felt incredibly heavy, thinking---"How could I possibly go through another loss? Not now, not ever, please." I kept thinking about the loss of my dad, my mama, the house, to the pandemic, the isolation, my freedom, and the ability to do everyday normal things. But, then Madelene pointed something out to me. She said, "You may be interpreting that incorrectly." I didn't understand. But she explained that it may just be God removing an obstacle--or even my anxiety or something that's unpleasant in my life---hopefully the pandemic itself. Then again she asked, "Do you need a hug?" I gave her a big ol' bear hug, possibly crushing her collarbone, but it's all good. It ...

This may be an unpopular opinion, so bear with me. I'm trying to share my thoughts and experiences with you on why I disagree with the 12 step program. About 12 years ago, I attended my first AA meeting because I wanted to do a 90 day clean out. Yes, you can attend meetings if you are doing this. Will you be completely embraced by the members? From my experience---no. Also, the only requirement of AA is if you have the desire to stop drinking. I remember feeling so isolated from the group as they spoke about their stories. Many eyes shifted my way, judging or guessing what my poison was. The other unnerving experience in this was seeing faces that I recognized. That's the risk you take going to a local meeting....note taken! But in a way, it was sort of comforting to see some of my old friends in there, and even some who I used to party with. Odd, yet familiar. I was never the type of drinker where I had to wake up and chug down the good ol' 'hair of the dog' in ord...

My heart's been feeling heavy lately, and I'm not sure why. I mean, I can list off a ton of heartbreaking stories, but none of it is sticking out right now. I just have the 'blahs' but yet, I'm okay. Last night, I sat in my little prayer room upstairs, lit some candles and was going to just pray and tell God everything. But nothing came out of my mouth. I even tried to muster stuff up in my mind---things I wanted to get off my chest, but nothing came out. Nothing was standing out in my mind. There were all frivolous types of thoughts going on: "Make sure to prep for my virtual meeting 1pm---Did I check my bank account to see if that fraudulent charge was cleared---Will our town shutdown again---What if I get sick again---What if, what if, what if...." I kept hearing in my heart, "Tell me everything."  Nothing but unimportant things were surfacing, and I felt something deep inside tugging at me---giving me interrupted sleep for the past couple of...