Living Proof

It's strange how someone like myself can suffer with anxiety and panic attacks, yet be of help to someone else who is suffering from the same struggle. Sometimes, even the most college educated licensed therapist or psychiatrist can do very little for someone. It's all about who you click with--not what kind of degree is hanging up on their walls. They're probably still paying off student loans and wishing they went into another line of work, and of course, there are some who are purposely there with passion, and a heart for those suffering. But in my opinion, you don't need a degree to help somebody else suffering. Sometimes all you need is experience with exactly what they are suffering with. I'm not saying schooling is bad---I am only trying to reiterate that experience goes a long way when someone is trying to explain to you what they are feeling. If you've experienced it, then you can relate and then tell them what worked for you. I will say this: when ...

 "Go out, get out of the house, it'll be fun," they said. I miss going out, visiting my favorite restaurants, driving over to the local farms and seeing what's going on in our local fish market. I miss getting a mani/pedi at my local nail salon and getting my hair done. I miss just being around other people, but yesterday I thought it was time to get my feet wet. I didn't want to go out. I wanted to protect myself from seeing the world post-COVID. But yesterday, something inside me said, "Just do it." And I did. I went to a few farms and bought some fresh produce, cut a few sunflowers and made my way into the local fish market like I always did. I finally drove my car! I truly thought that I had forgotten how to drive---it's been that long. The sun was shining, but the weather was a little hotter than I expected. Questions through text were like, "So how was it? You got out, huh?" It sucked. I will tell you why. First let me say ...

The effects of this pandemic has hit an all time high. Here in New York, the mortality rate is below 1%--and I don't know one person who is sick right now, other than a bad case of seasonal allergies. But what I mean by "effects" -- is that the world still looks like a huge Dexter murder setup---plastic wrapped around every wall, counter and credit card processors in the stores. Plexiglass is put up as borders and sneeze guards, and of course, people wearing masks and big face shields walking around everywhere. Companies, like the one my better half works for has a policy---no mask, no service. All employees must wear a mask at all times. No ifs, ands or buts about it. It's not the law, only a mandate, but businesses are allowed to make their own rules, rightfully so. "No shirt, no shoes, no service," --- same thing. So while the virus has simmered down a tad, we are headed into flu season. With the flu on its way and COVID still lurking in the darkness, it...

Everyone has a cross to bear or some kind of issue that may not be visible at first glance. I know many people who prefer not to share their problems or physical ailments with the world, and I happen to be one of them. Of course, my blog is literally an open book, but in a general conversation, I tend to keep a lot of personal things to myself. Nobody wants to hear a whiner or someone possibly seeking a pity party. I remember when I was a young girl around four or five years old, we had these older next-door neighbors, a husband a wife who seemed to be very nice. When the wife got to know my mom, she stopped by more often, usually with a homemade baked pie or something she cooked herself. It was either feast or famine with her---either she came too much or she wasn't to be seen at all. Sometimes, my mom would worry and call her up to see if she was okay. As time went on and mom figured that her friend wasn't up to socializing anymore, but then she received a phone call from her...

To tell you the truth, I have yet to figure this one out. As New York's numbers in cases and mortality declines, the south is seeing a huge spike unfortunately. We've had a couple here and a couple there get tested positive, but less than seven people died in our state...sad, but better than thousands. As I continue to 'shelter-in-place,' along with the occasional trip here 'n there, perhaps to a park or the farm market, I'm seeing so many people having pool parties in large numbers, going out to bars and restaurants without wearing masks and having a great time. I'm also seeing thousands protesting in NYC. But we're "good"---right? No one is getting infected really. And if they are, it's super mild. Did New York conquer the bug? Has it weakened? Or, will it catch up to us eventually? Are we in the "February" where we saw a few cases and then BAM---March had us locked down-throw-away-the-key kinda quarantining. I'm so sick...

Lately, I've been noticing how people are twisting this pandemic into something political. They're also using this pandemic to fight it out because some people have an axe to grind for whatever reason.  There are a whole lotta' "Karens" in our world, as we have to just take it in with a grain of salt. I've seen most fights and debates over social media, and some that were in a flower and garden shop that absolutely took me by surprise. Why are we fighting with one another? I remember when we all came together after the tragic day of 9-11, so why are we trying to kill one another? You have people who think they're an expert with the virus itself and apparently, they've all been to the labs and factories while workers made masks to protect others from getting ill...or, the question is, do they protect? Nobody really knows. That's why you get mixed messages. People who take the time and effort to publicly shame others for wearing a mask or not w...

There's a lot to be said about be afraid--about having a constant fear gnawing at you day after day. Fear literally shrinks your mind...it also shrinks your entire world. I know it shrunk mine for a very long time, and it still manages to keep it there ever since this pandemic took center stage. People who normally didn't suffer with debilitating fear are now experiencing it for the first time ever. This world is full of illness, rage, injustice and grief. For a while, I sunk back into my small world---into that fearful corner of anxiety and hypochondria. I had to stop thinking that every little tickle in my throat was the corona virus and that each sniffle would bring me closer to a ventilator. Back in the day (like last year) I would've just blown it off, popped a Claritin and be done with it. Today, I question every sensation in my body, monitoring it like a prison guard. My heart would start racing, but there was nobody to really help me. I couldn't just go to a d...