Surviving 2020

 "Go out, get out of the house, it'll be fun," they said. I miss going out, visiting my favorite restaurants, driving over to the local farms and seeing what's going on in our local fish market. I miss getting a mani/pedi at my local nail salon and getting my hair done. I miss just being around other people, but yesterday I thought it was time to get my feet wet. I didn't want to go out. I wanted to protect myself from seeing the world post-COVID. But yesterday, something inside me said, "Just do it." And I did. I went to a few farms and bought some fresh produce, cut a few sunflowers and made my way into the local fish market like I always did. I finally drove my car! I truly thought that I had forgotten how to drive---it's been that long. The sun was shining, but the weather was a little hotter than I expected.

Questions through text were like, "So how was it? You got out, huh?"

It sucked.

I will tell you why. First let me say that the only pleasurable part about our trip was indeed, the trip. The drive to the farms and the drive back was my favorite part. As we got out of the car to head over to buy some fresh produce from the farm, we still had to wear masks in an outdoor area. I'm fine with that, because I'm all about protecting other people, including myself. Thing is, it was so hot and humid out, that no matter how much I maneuvered my mask, my glasses were so steamy, that I couldn't see out of them at all. My breath inside my mask alone was making me hot. So I literally rushed through everything and got the heck out of there so I could go out into the field and take the mask, and then wrap it around my chin. I saw people cutting the sunflowers with their masks on and I'm just like, "What are you doing? You're outside next to NOBODY!" But I never judge. I just wonder about the level of fear we have been subjected to.

The produce was questionable. Sadly, most of the produce was spoiled and basically rotten. The only good thing I bought were small red potatoes, a bag of peaches and four corns. Everything else looked bruised and beaten up. Usually, this farm is my favorite, but sadly, the harvest in many areas are dwindling. It wasn't the same place I once knew. Nothing is the same place I once knew. While we were trying to pay for our stuff, we had to wait in a hot hut for the longest time, sweating and unable to breathe through these fricken masks.

And then of course, establishments will try to make you feel safer letting you know their methods of cleaning their business. But what ends up happening to some people like myself is---this is serious! They're wearing HAZMAT suits. They have fire extinguishing cleansers! This is.....WEIRD.

Everywhere you go, from small shops, to coffee shops, to any type of shop---it looks like a complete shit show. Our favorite coffee shop now has cleaners come in with what looks like HAZMAT suits to disinfect. While this should be comforting, this is also very troubling. I always tell Madelene, "I want the world I complained about last year!" They're disinfecting with tanks that have some sort of cleaning agent in it---looks like a fire distinguisher. Even the nail salons are making people literally wear protective PPE gear---an all body plastic suit. I can't. I can't anymore. These photos are straight from my coffee house's Instagram.

The only thing I kept thinking?

"I wanna go home, I wanna go home."

I understand that people need to get on with their lives and try to live some sort of "new normal"----but for me personally, it is not worth it. I will gladly get groceries delivered, and stay within the confines of my own home. I will cook my own food and cherish my balcony and porch area. Nothing about this is "healthy" in any way---not mentally, and certainly, not physically. Come fall and winter, this bitch of a virus is going to rear its ugly head once again, and we will see ourselves in a mandatory lockdown again. I just know it. After the elections, and if Trump gets re-elected, there will be a civil war. Trust that. Also, in my little 'tinfoil hat' of a mind---the virus will never go away....until Trump goes away. If Biden wins, I bet you 100% that the virus mysteriously disappears like magic.

Get ready for the civil war. It's already happening in some states. In Portland, ANTIFA and BLM are marching down the streets, in residential areas, shining bright lights into families' homes chanting, "Get out of your house and into the streets!" Right now, it's just. marching around in their streets, but soon, they'll be breaking and entering, if Trump gets re-elected. Read all about it HERE. They even have videos of crowds of people marching through terrorizing suburban neighborhoods in this website---CLICK HERE.

I don't want any part of this world any longer. I'm trying to be positive, but it's very hard to be positive with such a negative world. I put all my trust in God right now because that is the only way I will survive this. That's the only way anyone is going to survive this.

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