Complicated Friendships As an Adult?
I remember back in the day in my teens when I had over 100 + friends. I had parties every Friday night and everyone came over. We were truly friends! We truly loved each other too. In fact, most of them are still in my life today. As we grow older, we learn the art of manipulation. With the ingredients of insecurity and past hurts, it can create an atmosphere of a pseudo friendship, or worse off, being betrayed at every level and used for whatever it is they needed from you. I have had this happen quite a few times as an adult, which is why I keep very few close to me and others at arm's length. I don't do well when someone yells at me for not calling them back in a couple of days. I don't do well with interrogating questions, because only my mother was able to do that, even as an adult. And now that she has passed on, I'm starting to see who my real friends are. I always used to ask my wife why she would seem so "surfaced" while socializing with new potential friends. She never delved into personal matters or shared anything she deemed as "too personal" -- even if it was something really minor. She said, "Deb, I trust no one." And now I'm finding out that she's absolutely right. She has this sense about people that is so on the target. I always miss the target because I like to give the benefit of the doubt, but she is really one smart cookie. (Yes, Madelene, I complimented you...)
If you're in a complicated friendship, run. If the complications get worse and worse, and you start to see a pattern, run. We're adults. Drama was only for when we were young and stupid. We're grown adults and shouldn't have these sort of issues, unless, we have underlining issues of our own. Time to start noticing the red flags.
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