|I miss this.|
My mom lost a lot of weight. The other day when I went to rub her shoulder as we were eating dinner together, I felt nothing but bones. It took me back to when I was walking my dad around the property giving him physical therapy due to his hip injury one week before he passed. He said, "I love you, Debbie," and I said I loved him back, and then placed my hand on his shoulder to find that my once strong and mighty father -- my superman -- was now all skin and bones. It scared me. So when I noticed that about mom, my heart just broke into pieces.
They say that nobody knows the day nor hour of anyone's expiration date. But sometimes, you just know when it's close. It's not that I've given up on hope or faith, but it's more about trusting God's will instead of my own. I've been in a long enough depression to realize I've been grieving way before anything has happened. It's heartbreaking to watch a loved one suffer so terribly. It's also painstaking to see that your loved one is a completely different person due to the illness. And who wouldn't be? I'm grieving who my mom once was -- funny, active, full of life, always dancing and enjoying martini once in a while. I miss her. I'm mourning for that woman -- the woman who could do anything. And now, she can barely walk out of her bedroom and into the living room.
That's all up to you.
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