Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future. ― Fulton Oursler
But I digress.
After watching my mother go through months and months of chemo and radiation, I truly thought the worst. And it wasn't too long afterwards when we heard the doctors say, "Well, the radiation worked! She's cancer-free!"
That's all that rang through my mind. That's all I could hear. That's all I needed. I soon found out that being "cancer-free" doesn't come without a hefty price. She now has to deal with the horrific side effects of the radiation which causes a great loss of blood. Mom's in and out of the hospital getting one transfusion after another. She doesn't do the things she loves anymore. She no longer can cook, or do menial tasks around the house. It takes all her strength to even leave her bedroom. Strange, because she was more mobile and functional when she had the cancer. So once I catch my mind wondering if she'll make it out of this 'cancer-free' stage, I quickly catch myself and focus on what's needed to be done right 'now'. But if someone comes along and starts rambling off "predictions" -- especially grim ones, I try to tune them out. And if they proverbially rape my ear with their own fears and negative thinking, then I need a "time out" and hide out for a while. I know how life works and I know that we are all going to die. But to even go as far as tomorrow makes me cringe -- for any of us. They say that anxiety is fear of the future and depression is focusing more on the past. Why are we choosing to live in any of these illusionary states? The past and future is unseen, only witnessed by the mind's eye. Any one of us could go at any given time. Don't bank your health on tomorrow when fate predicts a car accident today.
We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them. ~~Khalil Gibran
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