|I haven't smiled in a long time...
All I did was change my inside.
|Learning to let go of things I cannot change.
I no longer argue over religion. It's useless. You can't convince someone that an "invisible being" is real. You can't convince somebody that your god is better than theirs. And why? So, I remain confident in my own skin, in my own spirit, being diligent in finding ways to communicate better with "my god" and having the faith knowing that there is something much larger than all of us out there. Christianity and sectors alike believe that you shouldn't ever talk to spirits or entertain psychic mediums and such, yet in some passages of the Bible, it clearly states that God made people into prophets as a gift. Why is the Bible so convoluted with contradictions and discrepancies? The book we were taught to go by has messages that would scare the be-jeebus out of us. I mean, it even says that we should still own slaves. It basically tells the world that they are filthy downright sinners that aren't ever going to see the light of heaven. Written by man, inspired by God...? Whose opinion was that?
At the age of 40, I have a lot of questions.
|A gift from heaven.
"Dream catchers are often used to keep children from having nightmares and are intended to gradually dry out and fall apart as the child gets older. The belief is that the air is filled with dreams. These dreams are full of meaning and may be either good or bad. There are different versions of the dream catcher legend and how it works. Some say that good dreams pass through the hole in the center of the web while bad dreams are caught in the web. The good dreams will flow down the feathers to the person while the bad dreams dissolve in the day light. Another version says that only good dreams can filter through the net. Yet another says that good dreams are caught in the web while bad dreams flow away thorough the hole in the center. The dream catcher reminds us how important the dream world has been to people throughout time. Dreams have provided medicine men, shamans and prophets a portal to another realm. Even though today most of us tend to focus on the physiology of the dream state, we can still appreciate the power of our nightly visits to that other world."Strange how I found this almost 3 years after Dad's passing. I sometimes see Dad in my dreams and we have only a few seconds to run up to one another and hug before our time runs out and I wake up, sometimes in a puddle of my own tears. I truly and honestly believe with all my heart, that my father was seeing how much I was struggling with my sleeping problems and then gave me this at the perfect time. I have this hanging up on my headboard. Every single night, I've been sleeping at least 6-8 hours. That's a huge feat from nothing at all, to 2-4 hours per night. Sometimes I would stay awake for 5 straight nights in a row. So, thank you Dad for sending me this 'heavenly' gift. I don't mean to sound all 'weird' -- but I don't think that this was a coincidence.
Dying To Be Me. Even while she is traveling with a million and one things on her plate, she takes the time out to write to me and help me with my struggles. (So, thank you Anita!) She's a cancer survivor who had a near-death experience. It changed her entire life. It taught her that nothing in this world should be feared -- ever. And as I keep reading her book as well as listen to all of her many seminars on Youtube, I just keep reminding myself that this fear and anxiety of mine are all irrational. There is no use for it and it's been debilitating my life to the point of fearing life itself. Just by her helping me, she's showing me how to appreciate every single good thing in my life and how to make the best out of not so good circumstances. There are ways to deal with negative things in a positive way. The best part is -- I don't have to give up my faith in Jesus or feel bad about listening to another religion's theory and beliefs. I don't have to be limited any longer. I can only just open myself up to gain a better self-awareness -- a better perspective on life, death and how death is never final. It can't be. I just look up at my dreamcatcher and thank God for letting Dad send me something I needed so badly. And even if it was God sending me this dreamcatcher -- He sent it to me through my dad's name -- whether to feel a sense of comfort or to know that life as we know it never ends.
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