Living Proof

Have you ever felt that intense heaviness on your heart -- the type of pain that only exists when you lose a loved one or when the love of your life parts ways with you? Some say that a breakup is very similar to a death, except the other person is still out there choosing not to be apart of your life. For some, that can be the most painful thing in the world. I wrote about the broken heart syndrome before in this post . It's similar to what I feel happened to Debbie Reynolds and Carrie Fisher. The pain was too much for Debbie Reynolds to bear -- to see her daughter go before her. No parent should ever see their child go first. In that article, I also had spoken about my dad's passing and how I reacted to it. I kept getting severe chest pains. I finally had to be hauled away by the ambulance because I passed out. The EMT said, "I was the one who helped your father in his last days, you're going through the broken heart syndrome." And that was the first I have ...

After the bartender poured my second glass of wine, I heard my friend Jen say, "But love doesn't fade, Deb. It just doesn't. How can he want a divorce? We were once so in love and I still love him the same way. It's impossible for his love to fade." As I kept trying to digest what she was trying to say, also trying to hold back any words that may hurt her or completely destroy her disillusioned fairytale dream of "true love lasts forever" -- I just listened. Sometimes that's all you can do. She was in complete denial. I can tell she knew. She's smart. I guess when it comes to the heart, I think it's safe to say that we can all have those dumber than a box of rocks moments and become completely naive to what's right in front of our own eyes. This man hadn't slept in her bed for over three years. He hasn't even been home 80% of the time. He stays at his mother's house in hopes that she will sign the divorce papers and move out...

Have you ever felt like giving up? Maybe you lost hope for a dream you once had, or perhaps someone broke your heart and you feel like you'll never meet another person like them again. The pain is especially significant when we lose a loved one who was really close to us. We can never talk to that person ever again. The panic sets in, the sadness seeps through our veins and most of us become hopeless. We narrow in on that one issue--that one BIG issue of course, but we can't see the full scope of God's plans right in front of us. Did you ever ask God, "Why did you let this happen?" Me too.  In that very moment, the pain is so deep, that it radiates throughout both of your arms, throughout your entire being. Sometimes, people will even get chest pains, and confuse it with something of a larger concern. But there is something called, "broken heart syndrome."  Broken Heart Syndrome  Broken heart syndrome, also called stress-induced cardiomyopathy or takotsu...

Yesterday, I was speaking to an atheist and I asked her, "Respectfully, why do you focus and write so much about something you don't even believe in?" And she gave me an answer I didn't expect. She wasn't angry, she wasn't trying to question her 2% of "what if there's a god" -- she was simply fed up with religious people hurting anyone who fails to fall in line with their exact beliefs. The mere fact that most religious folks will say "my" religion and "my" god as well as "believe what I believe or you're going to hell" is all associated with their ego. The ego thrives on being superior above all those who don't think, act or believe as they do. The ego needs to be "right" and the ego needs to tell their "truth" -- even if there are no factual bases on their "truth". It's just a faith built system that people feel comfortable believing in. Even though I believe with all my...

A few minutes after the alarm went off, the sound of four tiny long-clawed paws scurried over to the front door. Lola needed to go outside. It also reminded me that I needed to get her nails cut. The cold air actually felt good. It probably woke me up from the tiny traces of carbon monoxide that somehow seeped in while I was in a deep slumber. Who knows. I don't trust those carbon monoxide detectors anyway, especially when my poorly zoned furnace chimney sits right besides my bedroom window. Nevertheless, the coffee would surely keep me awake for the long haul of the day. Black with a touch of organic maple syrup and a dash of cinnamon -- and my morning is seemingly brighter. I've always dreamt of this life -- this sort of regiment where I make the day's call -- not some mean boss in her fancy office with smiling photos of her family tree plastered every which way. My old structured life felt like a prison. All my creativity was tossed to the side, unless there was a bit ...

Anxiety & Derealization Panic attacks can often feel like you're losing control, or perhaps going to lose it and go crazy. Some experience derealization---a sense of a surreal world---as if you're in your own home, but it's a different place somehow. Many people are experiencing this derealization these days ever since the pandemic has come to a low simmer. I'm sure you know many people who don't go out as much---or at all. And once we step outside, it feels different---surreal---weird---foggy, right? It's not the same world, we think to ourselves. It doesn't feel like the same place. That's how people who suffer with agoraphobia feel. Long periods inside their home, or long periods avoiding places can make some feel as though they're in a different world altogether. I sometimes chuckle, because a lot of these 'spiritualists' on TikTok claim that the world ended in 2012 and that we are living in a different universe, which is why we feel ...