Do you ever feel that your gifts, or what you do for a living is insignificant? Do you ever ask yourself, "Why am I doing this -- what do I have to show for it all?" Or if you're a writer like me, do you ask yourself, "Who really needs to read my stuff anyway? Is it even helping?"
A long time ago, someone told me a story of a boy and a jellyfish. It goes something like this:
Your entire purpose in life might be just be helping a select few in this world. There are writers and speakers out there who I listen to that make me wanna live when I'm feeling depressed. My anxiety attacks are so bad at night, that I don't get to sleep until 4am. I wake up around 11am, make coffee and then do my work and whatever else that needs to be done. I'm on a very late schedule now, and part of me is extremely depressed about it, because I LOVE my mornings. I love watching the sunrise, brewing coffee and sharing breakfast for my wife. Now with these horrific panic attacks at night, I suffer. I emotionally suffer. So instead of resisting this new schedule of mine, I'm trying to embrace it and become a "night owl", in hopes that my circadian disorder will subside. Whatever you resist, persists, right? So I'm trying my best. I'm tired, but I do get some sleep in the morning. I just feel left out of the world now.
And with this new schedule, my ability to write is suffering a great deal. I love to write early in the morning. But now, I have so much I have to do during the late day, that writing and editing doesn't come along until around 3pm. I can't tell you how much of a huge adjustment period this is for me. But the more I surrender to what I'm not so thrilled about, the more I'm able to cope with it.
|That's actually ME!|
Remember that person's child I just spoke about who became (or already was) gay borderline, transgender? Well, she reads my stuff on a daily basis. I'm hoping that I can be a good role model for her, because even though our world has become more progressive, society is still cruel and unrelenting. It can tear down the toughest of all cookies out there.
This is why I'm still here.
I will always be here.
Thank you so much for reading. I know this isn't one of my usual posts, but I was ready to give up my writing career to find something else. But, there are people who still need to hear that they'r'e OKAY.
For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog for some of her famous recipes!