Wednesday, February 20, 2013

When Everything Falls Apart

As miserable as I can get sometimes, I do realize that every single thing happens for a reason and in order, lined up in God's will. This is something I truly believe. I don't believe in coincidences. I believe in serendipity and also, being at the right place at the right time + the wrong time in some cases. Life is strange. We curse God when we lose someone we love or when we fall into a deep and dark depression when things don't go our way, but to those who smile while walking through the trudge --- those are the people who truly inspire me.  Unanswered prayers are usually a blessing in disguise. While praying for something that's not lined up in God's will -- I never realized how truly detrimental it would have been in my life if my prayers were answered. Hindsight 20/20. Have you ever noticed whenever there is a major tragedy or even a huge streak of luck, like winning the lotto or something --- some families tend to fall apart? In this case, I'm going to talk about tragedy. A friend of mine who had not too long ago lost her teenage daughter from brain cancer and not too long after that, lost her father as well. What happens to families once a huge event like that takes place? Many place blame on people or insinuate this one didn't do as much as we did, and so forth. Resentment and bitterness through sadness emerges and once that comes up to the surface, people tend to show their true colors. There are families out there who hold it together, go through it together and rough it out as a true unconditional loving family. That's what we all want. But what if right now, you could imagine in your mind what would happen if tragedy struck home, or your family was lucky enough to have a huge windfall? Tragedy: "You didn't do enough." Windfall: "You didn't give enough."

Major events can either make or break a close family. And maybe, it is a blessing in disguise to really find out how someone feels or what their true intentions were all along. Sometimes, you never hear from a particular family member ever again for whatever reason. Do you let it go or do you beg the person to be back in your life as it used to be? I know my friend has been tortured by sending numerous emails to her mother who refuses to respond. She hasn't a clue as to why. But the hurtful avoidance - no closure - no explanation or anything has her in a very dark place at the moment. Her mind is occupied with questions and past conversations, replaying moments again and again in her mind. It's absolutely maddening. She reminisces about the days when everyone she loved was alive, getting along, being what's called, a "family". She remembers Sunday dinners at 2pm in her Italian household growing up with everyone being so close-knit and caring. She goes back to those days often. ...But it's "today" - the current time where she has to make a choice - where she has to accept where she is, who she is, and who they are at this very moment. They say blood is thicker than water, but I say your family doesn't haven't to be blood related in order to call them "family". And for me to say that is very anti-Italian of me, but it is a true fact that friends can be family. If you're not friends with your family first, only bound by the bloodline - then what good is it? We get stuck in this nostalgic sense of "family" because we have a history together - a bloodline - genetics, etc. What good is it if your heart isn't in it? Right now, if you are religious or spiritual, would you say a prayer for my friend? Maybe a prayer of healing? Maybe a prayer where she can find her joy again? However you pray or meditate or even a positive thought sent her way, please send one out ASAP. I wish she didn't live so far away so I can at least be there having a cup of coffee with her right now. Thanks for reading.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog for some of her famous recipes!