Monday, June 28, 2010

So Be It...

So many times I’ve watched the rain fall as I’m doing right now and thought about my past, and wondered about all the “what ifs” that brewed inside me. They say wondering about the ‘what ifs’ is an unhealthy standpoint about your current and future outcome, but what if someone or something in your past comes back to the current time? I’m not sure what it is about the rain that makes me over-think, overanalyze every single situation that I’ve been through, but right now I’m having one of those moments. Have you ever thought about the concept of quantum physics? Better question: do you believe in it? This post somehow relates to it in a way, so taken from this site, the definition of it is this: "Quantum physics is simply a science that studies and explains how everything in our world comes into existence starting from the physical aspect of the events, conditions, and circumstances of everything in the Universe and breaking them down into their most basic form, attempting to discover the Source from where they are derived from. Whether or not you may currently be aware, Quantum Physics, Spirituality, your thoughts, emotions, and success or lack of success in life are ALL closely intertwined or interconnected. In fact as modern day quantum physics has discovered, they're much more interconnected than you may realize. Unless you have been exposed to physics at some point, just the mention of Quantum Physics may seem a bit overwhelming to many, but it's really not as intimidating or hard to understand as you may think."

For instance, every choice you make will have a different reaction. It’s all relative to “energy” and where you decide to put it. So with thoughts, energy, willingness and determination, all these things can affect how your outcome in life will be. Have you ever sat there and thought, “Well if I did that, then this would have happened?” (Whether good or bad.) Each choice determines your path. If my mom never married my dad, I probably wouldn’t be here today, or would have been born in another family (if you believe that type of thing.) When you break up with your spouse or get a divorce, chances are you’ll end up with someone else, having kids or not. But what if you find your past coming back up to haunt you again ---say a second chance to make it ‘right’? Sometimes things done in the past that have hurt us are forgivable, yet somehow they are not forgettable. Inner resentments and other triggers can make for a bad correlation in this case. Sometimes I find people longing for the ‘good ol’ times’ and wishing they were back in the past. But I wonder, if we don’t appreciate what we have now, then how are we ever going to get over the past? Repressed anger and unforgiving feelings will eventually resurface and rear its ugly head. That’s just psychology 101. If you don’t resolve your past issues, it’ll keep showing up again and again and again. Some people seek more closures than others and sometimes, there isn’t any closure needed ---just a clean break.

I truly believe that things happen for the best intentions of whatever. Maybe not for “us”----but for the bigger scheme of things. For me, I rely on my faith in Christianity. I rely on forgiveness and most of all, loving everyone as you love yourself. I even pray for my enemies, even when I'm being attacked by someone viciously. I'm no saint, but I still practice this. This also goes for forgiveness---and absolutely forgetting the wrongs. With that, you have to be willing to overlook people’s idiosyncrasies and realize that we’re all human and we all mess up at times. We can try to be “good people”, but sometimes anger, frustration and other negative emotions take over like a tidal wave, and we find ourselves disappointed in our own actions...once again. At times, it’s a personality flaw and some people even make it a conscious decision to make someone else’s life miserable. (That's a whole other post to blog about.) It’s a hard call because all of us are so different in many ways. I remember asking someone for forgiveness because I really hurt them verbally, and when it was declined, I felt a lot of resentment myself, which made me not only emotionally sick, but physically sick as well. See, other people’s actions will affect our own, regardless. We have choices in life, and some of them whether we like it or not will result in a negative outcome. With that, it’s best to learn from it all and grasp the experience so you can become a better person for it. Every experience we have is an outcome to a future experience. Sounds all whacky and sort of spiritually twisted, but that’s what I believe.

I’m sure you’ve said, “I shoulda’ did this”, or “I shoulda’ did that”, once someone you loved left this world. All these regrets flood your mind and remind you of being a better person. The same goes for a break up though. Most people don’t see it that way, but you’re losing someone, not by death, but by choice, which somehow makes it worse if you really think about it. You can sit there all day and say, “I shoulda’ coulda’ would of”----but you did what you were supposed to do. You can’t go back and fix it, you can only try to recover the damages that have been made, and if the person doesn’t want the damages to be “fixed”, then you have to start with acceptance. That’s a tough one because you have all these ideas in your head of what can be done in a “better way”, yet the other person has something different in mind. If the two don’t mesh, they’ll never come together to work anything out. So by accepting our ‘lot in life’, we have to realize that we’re here for a reason, and that our past was done for a reason, and that our current situations are sculpting our future outcomes.

So be it...