Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Our Inner Character

A very special friend of mine had written me something I needed to read:

Looking back, may I be filled with gratitude;
Looking forward, may I be filled with hope;
Looking upward, may I be aware of strength;
Looking inward, may I find peace. ~Author unknown

Sometimes, I find myself surrounded by those who wreak havoc on my emotions. Maybe it’s the way I internalize things, events and situations? Maybe it’s the way I process it all? As I try to resolve and find solutions for anything that has gone wrong in my life, my ‘opponents’ seem to dwell and seek further turmoil and drama. I’m not sure why.

Are there people who seem to be attracted to complicated situations or drama? If they don’t have the excitement of arguments or conflicts, do they find themselves lost in a world of silence? I always try to understand how the human mind works. I mostly try to understand how my own mind works. Some would say I easily blow off the ‘big things’---the things that need more attention or focus on. When it’s a matter of resolving an issue, regarding an argument or something that has been done that needs forgiveness, I am very quick to forgive as well as forget. People around me don’t understand that. They seem to think that I just don’t care or blow things off way too easily.

For instance, if an argument over something escalates, and the person apologizes, I simply forgive it and forget it. I actually delete it from my mind, instead of just saying the words, “It’s ok, I forgive you,” and then torture myself by focusing on the very event that the person apologized for; forgiving genuinely. If I still had issues about it, I would bring it up to the table and try to resolve it. Simple. But, others would say that I’m too quick to blow things off as if I didn’t care. I do care. Forgiveness is the key to a healthy state of mind and the answer to a healthy heart.

Being grateful. Like I always say, life’s a huge learning process. I learn as I go. I am grateful for every single argument, event, or negative situation that has happened in my life, because I learned a great deal from it all. If it weren’t for the rocky times in our lives, how would we know how to cope with the future ones?

Hope. I have hope, that the past events in our lives will develop more endurance, patience and tolerance for when we find ourselves in future turmoil. It’s almost like exercise- you learn how to cope with each encounter.

Strength. Going through many trials and tribulations, we’ll find ourselves stronger and more adaptable for when we run into other troubles. We’ll learn how to face our problems with a bigger muscle---a stronger heart----and a way to forgive and to let go. Some people have a hard time letting go of certain things- when in fact, they’re only harming themselves.

Peace. Isn’t this the final goal? We all want peace. Where do we find it? We can’t find it externally, because all around us we have conflicts, life challenges and turmoil. We can learn to process our problems internally first, to soften our hearts and make others realize that it’s all a matter of forgiveness; genuine forgiveness.

“We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they are good for us—they help us learn to endure. And endurance develops strength of character in us, and character strengthens our confident expectation of salvation. And this expectation will not disappoint us. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.” ~Romans 5:3-5

We all make mistakes, but we can learn from them and soften our hearts the next time around. Forgiveness goes hand-in-hand with forgetting. It’s a pair that shouldn’t be torn apart.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Accepting Uncertainty

My theory: we’re all here to constantly learn. Since my belief is, this earth, this world, this place that we know all too well is only temporary until we get into the big pearly gates; we’re just here to constantly learn more and more. I guess I have to accept that God knows the bigger picture. I only see a small scope of things, but it’s frustrating when I don’t know everything. Who does?

Uncertainty. What is it? The unknown, the stuff that goes on without your knowledge, the things that are beyond our “control”. Sometimes we get frustrated because we didn’t get the job we wanted, we didn’t achieve a certain goal or we don’t know what’s in store for us in the future. Will I have kids? Will I get that dream job? Will the love of my life come walking in my life anytime soon? We just don’t know. We can’t force fate; we can only draw it in with positive energy. We can’t control things, people or destiny. Life’s unpredictable, like the weather. Who can control the rain?

“Can you shout to the clouds and make it rain? Can you make lightning appear and cause it to strike as you direct it? Who gives intuition and instinct? Who is wise enough to count all the clouds? Who can tilt the water jars of heaven, turning the dry dust to clumps of mud?” ~Job 38:34-38

No. I can’t do any of that. I can’t stop things from happening or make them happen. It’ll only lead to frustration and irritability. The serenity prayer helps me put things in perspective when trying to control every aspect of my life…

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time;Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with HimForever in the next. Amen.”

I want to live a life full of impassivity and not worry about things that are beyond my control. I’m trying to discover life and not to unleash the negativity that follows behind the desire to increase that false illusion of supremacy that I seem to have. The truth of it is, not one person is able to “control” anything, anyone or any happenings. When people think they have control- they don’t. It’s a form of an attack, whether emotionally or physically. The person, thing or happening that you’re trying to control will naturally be against your will, feeling or being suppressed by an overbearing opponent. You might think you have won, but the truth is, you’ve probably won the battle of keeping things “tight”, however, eventually, that’ll unleash and slip right through your fingers.

Will it matter in the afterlife? Will this certain issue even matter 10 years from now? Trying to play the role God is a hard thing to do. Those are some big shoes to fill! I don’t think I’d want to take on that job, however, I am still in a huge learning process that if things don’t go my way, that learning to accept the things I cannot change will help me not only emotionally, but physically as well.

“When doubt filled my mind, your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer.” Psalm 94:19

“I have waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry.” ~Psalm 40:1

Friday, October 26, 2007

Tech Support For Sony

Let me go on a rant about something please... I’d like to think that I’m a very patient person when it comes to customer service representatives, tech support people and other folks who help us out with products or services, however, I have been on the phone now for 2 hours with the same rep trying to understand his thick Indian accent. This is the 4th rep I have been on the line with. Remember when my computer blew out? My Sony Vaio crapped out on me and I sent it off to get it repaired. The phone call for that order was 2 hours long as well. Anyway, right now I am on the phone, listening to this guy process my order- which is taking him even longer than expected. I have never been so frustrated before in my life with customer service.

I kindly asked him where I was calling. He said the call center was located in India. I don’t have anything against people from this area, however, for Sony to send us all the way to the Middle East that rubs me the wrong way. Why can’t we get our own Americans working for Sony? Why can’t we get people who can speak our language? This poor guy is probably insulted, because all I keep saying is, “What? What? What? I’m sorry, can you repeat that? Excuse me? Sir? What?”

I’m almost positive that the bulk of his calls are from angry customers complaining about their piece of crap of a Vaio, and then on top of that, the customer service rep can’t be understood. I feel bad for both parties. Now, “Steve”, as he calls himself, says that my Vaio, which is going in for another repair, comes back on the line and gives me a number to another call center. This number is to completely exchange my computer for a new one. They made an exception since this is my second repair, and of course, I became irate 1 or 2 times while being on the phone with him.

So now, I sit here wondering when my new computer will arrive. I’ll be sending it out probably Monday or Tuesday. My next computer--and I promised myself this--will definitely be a Mac. I was so against Macs, but now, I know why people swear by them!

I'm off to "happy hour". I only handle so much of this sober.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Bias Opinions

What does it mean? Whoever you talk to- a friend, spouse, family member or a co-worker, 95% of the time, they will agree with whatever you have to say regarding a personal matter that’s going on in your life. Some advice may be a little too over the top, and others may be generalized for the sake of staying neutral, but overall, you’ll come to notice that the advice you get from the people closest to you will deter you from making a conscious and wise decisions of your own.

Influences. People who are close to us have the influence to persuade us one way or the other. Sometimes, people do it out of self-gratifying reasons. Sometimes, you have to ask yourself, does this person want something out of this? What would he/she gain if I told them this, or got advice from them about that? Does this person have a romantic interest in me? Or is this person jealous of the relationship I have with whomever I’m having the problem with for whatever reason?

How do you determine what’s “good advice”? What may be good for me may not be good for you. So who’s to say what’s “right” and what’s “wrong”? Look at psychiatrists. They don’t give their opinions. Did you ever think why they never give their personal opinions on a matter that’s important to you? They want “you” to figure it out on your own. Only “you” can make a decision that’s important for you- a decision that’s healthy for you. Somebody may think ‘this is the healthier choice’, when in fact, it may be just the opposite.

I remember sitting in my shrink’s office getting so frustrated with him.
“Well, what’s your opinion on this, doc?”
“Do you think this decision may be right for you? What do you think would happen if you went ‘this’ route?”
“Huh? I’m asking you what you think.”
“What are your options? How do you feel about it?”

I never understood it, until I looked around my environment and discovered that there are way too many opinions being flung over the fence for free. Life’s one big puzzle. Doctors are there to help us figure things out- to push us along. Then I have another theory: conflicting viewpoints that help with our growth in dealing with people, adversity and understanding. If you can manage to have a healthy debate, you can learn a lot of things. If you can maintain a level of calmness while in a disagreement, you can be reassured you’ll learn something from it all.

Going back to the influences of people and their advice—if I went by my mother’s advice, I’d be married to a “rich Jewish man” with a ton of kids by now. But, that’s not happening obviously. My conscious decision is to be with who I “love”—not for money or for reasons that are most acceptable to society. I truly believe that in certain situations, when mothers give their children advice, it’s for a self-gratifying nature. Their little girl is off to do something that wasn’t what the mother had planned. I’m not saying “all moms” do this—but the majority sometimes overwhelms their children with advice and suggestions that go with what ‘they wanted out of life’…not what their children wanted. And that’s normal. They care and want the best for their children. But, what’s the definition of “the best” to the parent? Naturally, when a parent stifles their child with strict rules, forced religion and decisions that are only made by that parent, for the sake of ‘keeping them safe’ (and I speak of strict rules in the terms of “YOU MUST BE CHRISTIAN” or “YOU MUST MARRY A MAN”), the child ends up doing the very opposite sometimes.

And at times, we get advice from family and friends that tell us, he/she is no good for you. Move on. Get rid of him/her. They’re not good enough for you. 9 out of 10 times, the person getting the advice who takes the advice will soon regret it, depending on their situation. They didn’t think for themselves. They didn’t listen to their own heart. Their conscious decision was the very opposite of the advice that was given to them.

Discernment. Learn to decipher who is telling you genuine heartfelt advice, and who’s talking your ear off just to gain some sort of self-gratifying need from you and your situation. There’re too many yentas out there flapping their gums talking about who did this and who did that. Washwomen if you will... It’s sad, because usually these types of people have nothing better to do, because there is nothing exciting going on in their own lives. They need to meddle in yours.

So sit back and let the gossip and bad advice go in one ear...and out the other. Listen to your heart and what’s best for “you”. For me, if I have questions about life and my personal decisions, the best source is going straight to the top: God.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will direct your paths. ~Proverbs 3:5-6

What a Pain!

Today’s off topic subject deals with menstrual matters. Depending on the situation and the severity of it, PMS can be a terrible thing for the person going through it, as well as the people around them.

Shut up! Talk to me! Why aren’t you listening? Come here! Go away! What’s wrong with you? Stay here-go there-where you going?

We can drive anyone insane with our crazy and erratic emotions. We’re armed dangerous with vicious words and looks that could kill. We can snap at any given moment. Don’t stir things up - just “be”. Don’t agitate us, because we’re already there. Don’t talk too much or talk too little, we’ll know something’s up. Just let us veg out watching Lifetime, sipping green tea with a box of Kleenex, because we’re gonna need it!

Pity the person who’s with me. Let’s put aside the emotional roller coaster for one moment. My pain is so excruciating, that it ranges from vomiting, falling on the floor hurled into a ball crying, to turning ash gray and eventually passing out from the limitations of the pain itself. Sometimes, 800 mg of Motrin doesn’t even help at all. There’s nothing else I can use. The doctor once gave me birth control pills, which made me even more of an emotional train wreck. He gave me a full examination to see why I’m getting such terrible pain. There was no answer.

Uterus: small, clean and perfect. This is what he said. Then why the pain? He came to the conclusion that I have an “overactive uterus”. It contracts more than it should. I thought the pain stemmed from the shedding of the uterine lining. What do I know?

Eventually, from taking so many ibuprofens, I developed a bleeding ulcer, which now prevents me from taking any medication at all. Now, I have to deal with even more pain than ever. I had to go to an emergency clinic last week to get Toradol injections, which is an anti-inflammatory drug that works just like Motrin, however, with a powerful punch. They wanted to give me this injection so that it would bypass my stomach and go into my bloodstream. But, when I looked it up online, it clearly states that if you have an ulcer, that you should not take this injection, because it gives the same dangerous effect as the oral ibuprofens do. So then why is my doctor prescribing this for me? He’s totally missing the point. I need a painkiller that doesn’t tear up my stomach lining. I can’t take narcotics- just because I’m not crazy about the possibility of addiction, and I know that I’m allergic to anything that is codeine based.

I’m seriously thinking about the possibility of removing my uterus. I’ll still keep my ovaries, however, my uterus is preventing me from living a normal everyday life.

If anyone knows of any other “home remedy” or solution, please let me know. I’ve been taking vitamin E, and was advised to start taking vitamin B6. I’ve mixed that all in along with exercise. It does help to some degree, however, I can’t go through life in such pain!

Maybe I should get a sex change…

Monday, October 22, 2007

A Heartfelt Apology

It’s been a while since I’ve actually written a solid entry in here. My computer, as you know went bonkers on me. I had to get it repaired and send it out since it was still under warranty. The most frustrating aspect of it all was the tech support group in India who helped me- or at least tried.

Since I’ve been without a computer for this long, I’ve done a lot of praying, meditating and reading. I’ve been coming to terms with issues that haven’t been resolved. Yes, I have issues – ask my shrink. I realized this week that I’m a total control freak. If things aren’t going accordingly to “my plan”, then I’m bound to stomp, bitch and moan over the things that cannot be “controlled”. (Hence my previous short post.) That explained a lot. See, all my life, I had this idea of anyone who came into my life needed to meet my ‘standards’. My standards were impossible. I'd make a fuss over many things, such as a partner on a business trip, late hours, someone who focused way too much on work or other things, other than me. Me me me. Get over myself, right? I can sit here and ramble on about relationship issues and “advice”, when really, I’m the one who needs it. I can tell you what may be right, but I didn’t realize that what I was doing in my own life was actually poisoning my own relationships. Even with certain friendships, there are conflicts that arise, which I seem to never witness through their eyes. I don’t see it their way. I always see it my way.

What I learned this past week: if we show more understanding, we gain more compassion and patience. We gain more trust. We develop better relationships.

I opened up to 1 Corinthians 3:1-3…

"Dear brothers and sisters, when I was with you I couldn’t talk to you as I would to mature Christians. I had to talk as though you belonged to this world or as though you were infants in the Christian life. I had to feed you with milk and not with solid food, because you couldn’t handle anything stronger. And you still aren’t ready, for you are still controlled by your own sinful desires. You are jealous of one another and quarrel with each other. Doesn’t that prove you’re controlled by your own desires?"

To break that passage down, to “belong to this world” means to conform to the ways of the physical nature – to fail to see the bigger picture and not focus on the good – the Kingdom of God, instead of earthly matters. Some people get confused with, “you don’t belong to this world”. We don’t. Our souls don’t stay here when we die. At least, that's my belief.

To feed us with milk instead of solid food is meant to display a learning process of acting humanely to one another, instead of trying to control people, which leads to bickering. Whatever you resist persists…

Sinful desires demonstrate the negative process of “controlling” other people in this instance. Sinful desires can mean a number of things, but with this passage, it’s based on our own selfish needs – idolizing and treating others poorly. When we’re jealous of others and quarrel with them, we’re creating negative energy that doesn’t coincide with positive ones. They don’t mesh well, which creates conflict.

I’ve come to realize that if I allow things to happen around me that are “none of my business”, or “out of my control”, then things will work in a positive nature, because if you truly love someone you ‘let them go’; you let them be themselves. Everyone is a unique individual. They have different needs, they desire different things, yet they want you in their lives, knowing that your standards or wants may be totally the opposite from theirs. How does that happen without conflict?

Acceptance and understanding. Accepting someone for their ability to do the things they want to and live their lives accordingly to their standards puts a whole new spin on things. Understanding that their goals are completely different from our own. I would fall back on, if you live this life with me, then your life should be like mine.

Why?

Two people who are together, or in the same living quarters need to live their lives as separate people, yet have that special ability to share in one another’s lives. Instead of “controlling” a person’s life or bitching and moaning about something you would prefer them not to do, focus on the positive aspects of them. Why did you fall in love with them in the first place? List the qualities – stop focusing on the negatives.

I’ll admit, my personality is very strong-minded, controlling and at times, manipulating when things don’t go my way. I’m not proud of that, but I’m still learning. By holding onto something too tightly, we automatically let them slip through our fingers. Sometimes we’ll say, “Oh she’s become such a different person,” when in fact, I was probably the one who made her stop being herself. “Oh this is not the girl I met.” Well, maybe it’s the girl you met- but hiding, trying to please someone else’s “standards”...mine.

God’s been nudging me lately. He’s been sending me serious messages about my behavior. I’m still learning as I go. I hope all who were in my path were able to realize that it was my issue, and not their own.

I am truly sorry.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

The Laws of Attraction Explained

Click here to see this amazing video about the laws of attraction and how we can change our minds and our focus on the things we want out of life, regarding relationships and work.

Saturday, October 06, 2007

Deb's Without a Computer!

Yep, my computer is on the fritz! I've been noticing more and more how slow my computer was getting and how much data I have lost. This is a fairly new Sony Vaio and I have all the protection in the world with this thing. I'm not sure why this happened.

In any event, I have to ship this back to the manufacturer to replace it. Thank God it's still under warranty. I'll be without a computer for about 10 days. I'll be checking in from time to time at the internet café down the block or using someone else's computer.

I'll be back soon. Enjoy your week!

Thursday, October 04, 2007

Choosing Our State of Mind

What does it take to be perfect? What’s the true definition of “perfection”? Is it to be flawless? Is it to become exactly what is pure and true? Does any one of us hold these qualities? It’s a hard standard to live up to. Once we see an imperfection in our character, we immediately self-destruct emotionally sometimes. Once we see an imperfection in someone else’s character, we’re quick to judge. We’re quick to comment on that flaw that’s just been revealed. Why? Is it because we want to be perfect? Is there such thing as being ‘more perfect than the next’? Or is it simply being human?

Lately, I’ve been noticing many flaws in my character. I’ve been dwelling on the negatives and throwing out all positive reinforcements in my life. Each time I “sin” or break some kind of promise to myself or to others, I punish myself with negative dialog and plague myself with depression. I actually inflict the depression upon myself. I know, it sounds absolutely crazy, doesn’t it? A friend of mine who works at my gym told me, “You choose to be depressed.” I didn’t believe what was coming out of his mouth. I explained to him the reason why I wasn’t there for a few weeks, due to my depression and anxiety, and he basically said it was my fault. It made sense though. We actually “choose” to see things in a negative way. I hate to admit to it too! I think, well no, this is happening and it’s making me miserable, and that took place, so I’m really frustrated. I have every right to be down in the dumps!

Do I?

This morning, my sister Carla came over. We were talking about my father’s condition lately, where he’s been getting sharp nerve pains for months on end—I mean excruciating pain! He went to a neurologist and the doctor gave him a B12 shot. My sister explained to me that there are many healthy people who get this shot on a regular basis, because it works like an antidepressant and gives people less anxiety. There are so many people looking for that ‘quick fix’ to make them happy. Is it really a chemical imbalance? Do antidepressants and anti-anxiety pills really help? Or is it just a business? Science tells us that these pills help with the balance of the chemicals in our brains, but it sounds too dangerous to me. (That’s just my opinion.) Not that my martini addiction is any better…

I used to blame depression on the lack of vitamin D—the lack of sunlight when being down in the dumps during the winter. SAD, (Seasonal Affective Disorder) plagues us all, doesn’t it? (Unless you work outside all winter.) They say to sit in a tanning booth for 15 minutes or get one of those ultra-violet lights to help with the vitamin D deficiency. The other option is to take the vitamin.

This morning, Madelene gave me something to read- something I needed to read. I want to share it with you. It made me see things in a different light. I hope that this may help anyone who’s suffering from depression or the lack of inspiration in their lives, as I am right now. I know it helped me a great deal.

“Releasing Your Angels”

It’s time you begin to undo some of the things you’ve done with your words. It’s time to get your words in line with God’s word and release your angels. This prayer will begin that process:

Father, in the name of Jesus, I repent of my ignorance of the Word of God. I ask You to forgive me of the foolish things I’ve prayed.

In Jesus’ name, I bind every word that has released the devil or drawn his weapons toward me. I bind every binding force that I’ve ever given strength to by the words of my mouth. I break the power of those spiritual forces, in Jesus’ name.

Father, in the name of Jesus, I ask You to guide me in wisdom and understanding through the scriptural methods to set in motion all that’s good, pure, perfect, lovely and of good report.

I covenant with You to pray accurately. I will keep my mouth. I will speak only that which glorifies God. I will let no corrupt communication proceed out of my mouth, but that which is good to edify and minister grace to the hearer. I will not grieve the Holy Spirit of God whereby I’m sealed to the day of redemption, but I will give glory and honor and praise to the Lord Jesus Christ for all that shall be done.

I proclaim that all that is good, all that is blessed of God, all that is in the perfect will of God, all that God has designed for me shall come to me, in Jesus’ name.

All of the evil and the bad report, all that the enemy has designed to deceive me, will lead me astray, to destroy me, my home, or my finances shall be stopped with the name of Jesus and the words of my mouth.

I’m blessed in the city and blessed in the field. I’m blessed in the baskets and blessed in the store. I’m blessed coming in; I’m blessed going out. I’m the head and not the tail. I’m above and not beneath. I’m blessed of Almighty God, strengthened with the might according to Your glorious power.

The Greater one is in me; He puts me over in life. The Spirit of Truth is in me; He gives me divine wisdom, divine direction, divine understanding of every situation and every circumstance of life. I have the wisdom of God.

I thank You, Father, that I’m led by the Spirit of God. I have the mind of Christ and the wisdom of God is within me.

In Jesus’ name. Amen! ~
From the book, "Let Your Angels Work for You".

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Things Could Be Worse...Right?

Is it true that when we dwell on the negative, we give it more power to consume us? I’ve always heard the saying, “Whatever you resist, persists,” but I’m not sure with all these clichés and platitudes that it’ll make me feel any better. Sometimes, when I’m in a funk, I dwell on it a little too much, even bringing some of my own people down with me. Misery loves company, right? Yep, and yet another cheesy cliché.

I’m finding more and more people who are depressed, jaded, heartbroken and just discouraged about life itself. I’m one of them. Sometimes I feel that nothing in my life will go right. I don’t have enough money, I’m confused about my direction in life and the big ol’ pity party---“where’s God when I need Him?” It starts to get to you. While scrolling through some websites that people have made on Myspace, I’ve noticed so many people in the same state as myself. Some worse off, yet, I can still relate on some level. There are some people who simply don’t want anybody else’s help. Their trust in people is lost. The problem with that is ‘relying on people’. If we solely rely on people, you’ll come to find out that they’ll always disappoint us in some way. I’m not speaking bad about peoples’ characters, I’m speaking in terms of---they’re only human. We all have our limits and boundaries of how we can handle certain issues. In one Myspace account, I saw a girl that said, “Fuck the world”, as her screen name. Is it really that bad?

There are countless gays and lesbians losing more hope each day. Why? Why is it so hard? Is it because people around us make it so hard? Or is it that we’re trying to gain so many acceptances, that it’s nearly impossible to achieve that goal? Will it make it any easier if everyone around us tolerated our lifestyle? Maybe in cases such as medical issues and family stuff, but I think the main idea is that we feel isolated in our own world. It gives us a feeling of despair when we notice that people are trying to limit our rights.

What about religion? I know for myself, I really got discouraged with some of my fellow Christians. They judged me, ridiculed me for being gay and even went as far to suggest that I should change my religion to something else. They wanted me to go away. I was a “sinner” and God would never accept me. Some said that God “hated” me. That left a bad taste in my mouth- so much, that I almost lost faith there for a while. I took a few steps back in my faith due to what other Christians suggested. Why was I relying on their acceptance? Why were these people, who were sinners themselves, making me feel worthless?

This scripture gave me comfort when those around me had given me the spirit of discouragement:

You were getting along so well. Who has interfered with you to hold you back from following the truth? It certainly isn’t God, for he is the one who called you to freedom. But it takes only one wrong person among you to infect all the others—a little yeast spreads quickly through the whole batch of dough!I am trusting the Lord to bring you back to believing as I do about these things. God will judge that person, whoever it is, who has been trouble and confusing you. ~Galatians 5:7-10

I have people telling me, ‘this is a sin,’ and ‘that’s a sin’, and comparing my homosexual lifestyle to rape and murder. Is loving someone of the same sex that bad? Homosexuality isn’t even listed in the Ten Commandments.

Then Jesus says this:

“The Most Important Commandment”
One of the teachers of religious law was standing there listening to the discussion. He realized that Jesus had answered well, so he asked, “Of all the commandments, which is the most important?”Jesus replied, “The most important commandment is this: ‘Here, O Israel! The Lord our God is the one and only Lord. And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, and all your soul, and all your mind, and all your strength. The second is equally important. Love your neighbor as yourself. No other commandment is greater than these." ~Matthew 22:34-40

The most important commandment is love. God doesn’t hate, no matter how many times some “Christian” will sit there and condemn you for being gay.

God loves us all, gay, straight and in between. There’s not one person without sin, so are all of us going to hell anyway? I think it's safe to say that we all need our own relationship with God, and not rely so much on people. The sadness that comes from the isolation we feel due to people's judgments can be overwhelming, but if we can look beyond their human nature and see the bigger picture---God's acceptance---then have hope in that.

Monday, October 01, 2007

Help! He's Heartbroken!

What gives anybody the right to think they know someone- especially when it’s their significant other? We know them to some extent, however, we can’t fully know everything that goes on in their minds. Some people feel so comfortable knowing that their relationship is invincible- that nothing in the world can tear them apart. I still don't know everything about my partner- I'm still learning each day about her. Some people feel as though they're “safe” and secure, knowing their partner would never, ever leave them. That safety net is good, because it means you fully trust that person, but is it wise? Is it safe to say that we all need some sort of awareness of the reality of a possible separation? “Oh that’ll never happen to us.” I hear it all the time. I sometimes felt that. Sometimes, when you feel too safe, that’s when you lose sight of what’s truly going on around you.

There’s a difference between “needing”, “wanting”, “loving”, and being “in love”. You may disagree, or simply give it the benefit of the doubt that all of these ingredients should be included in a relationship. But what if your significant other says that he or she doesn’t “need” you anymore? We all want to feel needed, whether it be our other half needing us, a boss or job needing us, which makes us feel valuable in a sense, or family relying on us. It gives us a sense of value; a sense of worth.

What are we worth? Do you think someone else’s opinion matters what we’re worth? It surely doesn’t help if someone says, “Hey, I don’t need you anymore.” I remember hearing that from an old employer once. “We’re letting you go because our department is downsizing and we don’t ‘need’ you any longer…” Even if it is with the deepest sincerity- it still hurts. It hurts our self-esteem. I sat there thinking, ‘I did so much for you and this is what I get for all my hard work?’ Instead, I shook my boss’s hand and said, “Thank you so much for having me on for this long. I truly enjoyed working with you and your department. If you ever need anything, please don’t hesitate to call.” Why was I so fricken nice? Why didn’t I just say, feck off you loser! You can’t find better than me! You can’t find someone who’s going to clean up your mess anymore! Why? Because I didn’t want to burn bridges in my business relationships. Does the same apply to personal relationships? For me, it’s always been the case. I have a trail of ex-girlfriends who are close friends of mine till this day. Maybe it’s a bad habit. Maybe it’s just a lack of self-esteem, or maybe, forgiveness took a major role in my life after seeing the bigger picture. Or have I seen the bigger picture? I'd rather say that I'm still learning as I go.

A close friend of mine had his heart broken recently. He and his girlfriend were the perfect couple. They were funny together, sociable and friendly. They looked beautiful together, too. I personally would have thought those two would have married. Sometimes that perfect picture on the outside isn’t what it seems to be. But, I don’t think my friend had seen it coming, from what he has told me. “She doesn’t need me anymore, Deb.” But my question is, does she still love him? Is she still “in love” with him? Okay, she doesn’t need him anymore, but does she feel an emotional connection still? Subtracting him out of her life is going to be a huge loss. (This is the bias part speaking now.) He’s so damn colorful and full of life. There’s never a dull moment with him. I told him she’s going to feel the pangs after she realizes what she just gave up.

Now, to be honest, I don’t know the true story of what really happened, but my friend is going through major heartache right now. I’ve never seen this guy sad---ever. I have never seen this guy in a bad mood or funk. I’m worried. I don’t know how else to help other than be there for him, if he does need someone to talk to, or just a gal’s point of view on things- even if I am gay. Relationships are relationships, right?

If you have any words of encouragement or stories of your own about a heartache you went through, would you please share them so he can read how others handled their break up or divorce? Share yourself so that he can see he’s not alone. I’m giving him the book I wrote, so he can see what I went through and how I handled things. Please pray for his quick recovery in repairing his broken heart.

He heals the brokenhearted, binding up their wounds. ~Psalm 147:3