God's Timing is Always Perfect
Looking Back 7 Years
I honestly never thought I'd see a life without both my parents in it. I never thought for one second that I would see my mother suffer, or even die for that matter. She was my 'go-to' therapist, my early bird dinner date, my best friend, my comforter, my martini with extra olives teammate. We would go to the bar to have dinner and drinks, and they'd even set up a footstool in order to get her onto the bar stool. It was so cute. All the bartenders loved her. Some of the older gentlemen did too. She kept calling this one man, "Norm" all the time, when in fact his name was Bruce. He was okay with it though. We would laugh until we cried. She would tell me stories of her past, and even if I heard it a million and one times, I wanted to hear it again. I never said, "Ma, you already told me this!" Because I really didn't know if she was forgetting, or if she just wanted to reminisce again. Any of it was okay by me. Sometimes, I'd ask her to repeat a story, just so it would stimulate her long-term memory---and she was overjoyed whenever you asked her about her childhood living in Brooklyn, NY. She loved talking about herself and her past, and besides, if you have ever listened to an elderly person talk about the 'good ol' days' ---trust me, it's much better than hearing a millennial talk about theirs.
What Happens Inside the Cocoon?
A transitional period can be very exciting, traumatic, and sad all at the same time. It depends on what it is. For me, my transitional period can only be described as a complete metamorphosis. Much like the caterpillar cocooning for its final transition, it may look like nothing is going on, but big changes are happening inside. Special cells that were present in the larva are now growing rapidly. But if you were to remove the caterpillar before this huge transitional period, it would fall out and die. So the pressing and waiting needs to happen before God can present a new life---a new chapter. For the two years following my mom's passing, I was that cocoon, praying for God to remove me from this situation, to take away my loneliness and isolation. In my "prayer and answer" book, He gave me a message that said, "Just endure a little while longer." His timing is always perfect, but my patience however was not. This period of time, I dedicated to God. I would spend two or more hours praying and meditating, studying the Bible and memorizing passages from Psalms, as well as learning more about Jesus and all of His promises. If it wasn't for this transitional period of isolation, I wouldn't be here right now. I used to be sick all the time with bronchitis and asthma, taking tons of stimulants like albuterol inhalers, steroids and nebulizers. Even my voice shut down when I got that sick---(I think many people were thankful for that part.) And today, He has blessed me with health, to the point where I never need my inhaler or need to grab the nebulizer because I'm wheezing up a storm. It's as if He took my asthma away. He gave me new lungs. I give Him all the credit.
Would you want to be where you were 7 years ago? Or are you grateful for where you are right now? Each stage of life isn't going to be perfect. But it's learning to thank God in the midst of chaos. It's learning to praise Him in the storms. I always say, I'm not where I wanna be, but thank God I'm not where I used to be. And it doesn't mean that I still don't wish my parents were back here with me, it just means the agony and pain that my family and I suffered is leveling out somewhat. The waves of grief come and go, and that's a normal process of grief in itself. As humans, we are never going to have the "perfect life." It's accepting all of the imperfections that come with life. It's testing your strength and endurance to push through the fog---praying for the mighty inner strength of God to help you through it all.
Are You Dependent Enough?
"For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end—it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay." --Habakkuk 2:3
"But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint." --Isaiah 40:31
"Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!" --Psalm 27:14
"He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man's heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end." --Ecclesiastes 3:11
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