Wednesday, January 02, 2019
Hurt People Hurt People
We want to be treated right, treated fairy and respected. That's a given. But what happens when one of the people in your life is having a really crappy day? Maybe they lost a loved one, maybe they lost their job or they're going through a terrible divorce or breakup. Their "bad behavior" in your eyes may just be their way of grieving. Maybe they're a little more forgetful because they're lost in their own thoughts---lost in their own pain. Maybe they don't ask how you're doing because their pain overrides the happiness you may be displaying, or pretending to display. If you're showing more strength and joy, then maybe that's why they're coming to you with all of their problems, or not asking, "Hey, how are you?" In therapy sessions, it's customary to avoid asking the psychologist "how are you" only because they are there to help you. They have more strength, knowledge, and capability (so they display.) But they're human too. I don't care how unprofessional it is---I always ask my therapist(s) how they're doing. They chuckle at first, but after a while, they appreciate it.
I feel like I've pushed away a few people in my life due to my own issues. Mostly, I don't want to become a burden to anyone. Secondly, and selfishly, my own grief had turned my attitude towards things into a more bitter response than I had hoped for. Maybe I called you out on something you've done, which in the bigger scheme of things, was really no big deal at all, and should've been left alone. Or maybe I was disappointed by something you didn't even realize you had done, or hadn't done. It's true that hurt people hurt people, and if I've hurt you through my own hurt, then I am truly sorry.
For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog at Deb's Cucina for some of her famous recipes!
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