Wednesday, January 02, 2019

Hurt People Hurt People

Have you ever just thought to yourself, "I just wanna run away," without a clear destination in mind? Sometimes, without even a particular cause or reason? Or, perhaps you were just done with people---sick and tired of being taken advantage of, or how people disappoint you all the time...blah blah blah. Yeah, me too. But when I dig deeper---like really dig for the answers of why I'm so "sick and tired"---it usually all points out to me. If you see a pattern of you pushing everyone else away, it may not be them so much, as it is with the fact that maybe, your inability to forgive humanness as well as giving no margin error, or to actually change your response and attitude towards a particular situation. We have to love the imperfections of our imperfect friends and family----and our imperfect selves as well. We have to also first and foremost, love ourselves first before even attempting to love anybody else. Let's face it, we all have our bag of issues, but we also need to accept that other people have them as well.

We want to be treated right, treated fairy and respected. That's a given. But what happens when one of the people in your life is having a really crappy day? Maybe they lost a loved one, maybe they lost their job or they're going through a terrible divorce or breakup. Their "bad behavior" in your eyes may just be their way of grieving. Maybe they're a little more forgetful because they're lost in their own thoughts---lost in their own pain. Maybe they don't ask how you're doing because their pain overrides the happiness you may be displaying, or pretending to display. If you're showing more strength and joy, then maybe that's why they're coming to you with all of their problems, or not asking, "Hey, how are you?" In therapy sessions, it's customary to avoid asking the psychologist "how are you" only because they are there to help you. They have more strength, knowledge, and capability (so they display.) But they're human too. I don't care how unprofessional it is---I always ask my therapist(s) how they're doing. They chuckle at first, but after a while, they appreciate it.

I feel like I've pushed away a few people in my life due to my own issues. Mostly, I don't want to become a burden to anyone. Secondly, and selfishly, my own grief had turned my attitude towards things into a more bitter response than I had hoped for. Maybe I called you out on something you've done, which in the bigger scheme of things, was really no big deal at all, and should've been left alone. Or maybe I was disappointed by something you didn't even realize you had done, or hadn't done. It's true that hurt people hurt people, and if I've hurt you through my own hurt, then I am truly sorry.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog at Deb's Cucina for some of her famous recipes!

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