That's when my mom started taking me to therapy. She couldn't stand the shrink because she said he was a big "blabber mouth" -- but he was helping me, so he was okay on my end. I was 17 yrs old at the time, dating boys and trying to be like everybody else. But boy was I different Nobody ever knew how different I was. My psychiatrist would make me these tapes that would calm me. It was his voice giving me peaceful visualizations with calming music in the background that he made with his own keyboard. He was really creative -- I'll give him that. Soon enough, I started venturing out with my friends again and living life. I was finally "me" -- for now.
|At work on Halloween. The theme was, "Work of the Future." I did a "work at home" theme, and I made it come true!|
The other day, God responded to me in ways that are just unbelievable. Look for the little things. He saw me crying over my mom's death. I was grieving so hard that I could barely breathe. I said to Him, "I just give up."
As I flipped through the Bible to read some comforting words, this jumped right out at me.
I also asked Him if I prayed the right way, or if there was a right way to pray? Am I doing everything wrong? And He responded in Scripture...
"But when you pray, go away by yourself shut the door behind you, and pray to your Father secretly. Then your Father, who knows all secrets will reward you. When you pray, don't babble on and on as people of other religions do. They think their prayers are answered only by repeating their words gain and again. Don't be like them, because your Father knows exactly what you need even before you ask Him!" --Matthew 6:5-13
And that's exactly how I pray! He was saying, "Deb! You're doing everything right! Keep going!"
Listen, you don't have to believe my stories or the signs that I get, and you may even think it's nonsense, but this is why I believe in God so much. This is how I communicate with God. He answers me all the time, especially when you have the Bible in your hands -- you can get endless answers. But if you're not seeking Him, then that's different. He knows your heart and He knows when someone genuinely wants to get to know Him. You can have heaven on earth, simply by trusting Him. Even though I still suffer with anxiety, I thank Him in the storms. If I don't suffer, then I wouldn't know how to overcome certain obstacles. It's hard, and sometimes I even get mad at God -- but He can take it. Talk it out with Him. Pray. Listen. So if you want to know how I cope with anxiety and grief? My strength is not my own. It's only through God's strength that I can go on and stay here instead of thinking about "going back home" for good.
I admit, I'm a mess, but God loves me, messy and all.
He also loves you in the same way.
You don't have to be perfect, because if we were, we wouldn't need Him.