Tuesday, February 06, 2018
Just Me, God & a Bit of Wine
I'm alone in this. Nobody understands. Nobody seems to care, and if I'm wrong, then let me know. Grief can cloud my judgment, so cut me a break and just either be there or understand my lack of presence anywhere. I try to occupy my time with delving into my work or just reading and studying on things I need to brush up on. I have no desire to sit at a bar, or be around a ton of people right now -- I just want to see the people I love in a safe setting. I joined a church in the next town over and I'm hoping that this'll help me a great deal. So before the pills, the benzos, the valium, the anti-deal-with-your-life drugs, let me try God first. What did people do 50 years ago when someone they loved died? They dealt with it! They cried it out! They wailed and cried and then fell into acceptance. Let me feel this. I need to, otherwise it'll get shoved underneath all the synthetic drugs that are being thrown at me. I don't want that.
My work is important to me, and it's something I love to do thank God. I've been blessed with the ability to work from home and do what I love. I am very grateful. But right now, if you don't hear from me or see me updating my writing page, it just means I'm working and editing behind the scenes. Sometimes writing isn't the avenue to take, especially on certain days. I know that sometimes these articles can be 'doom & gloom' -- but again, my mom died. Cut me a break. I need to vent, cry, yell, scream and sometimes write it all out. I seriously don't know how to live without her yet. I'm trying to get my groove in this life without her, and all I see is her face. If I have a bad moment, forgive me. If I snap at you, please pardon it. I'm not OK...but I WILL be.
For now, I will work on myself. No drugs required. Just me, God, and a bit of wine.
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