Wednesday, October 26, 2005

House Calls

What happened to house calls? When doctors and other specialists used to come to the comforts of your own home, and service whatever needed to be taken care of? Stop—I am not referring to escort services…I mean, a few hours ago, I called my chiropractor and told him I couldn’t make it today.

“Well, why?”
“I can’t move. I can’t drive myself alone to your office, no less walk down the flight of stairs without locking up.”
“Oh.”
The doctor said in a ‘not gonna make a sale sort of tone’.

What do these doctors want? I then went to call my masseuse.

“I’m so sorry to cancel, but I can’t even get off the couch or move. I need someone to drive me in, which won’t be till the end of the week.”
“Why?”
“Because my back is out.”
errr.... ????

MORON!

Did you not hear what I said to you? Do these people literally think that if you snap your back that you can maybe jog over to their office so they can massage you for one hour? Are they smoking crack? Believe me, there would be nothing better right now than to have big strong magical hands rubbing my back, but under these circumstances, if I did go out, I’d probably make it on time to the morgue.

Whatever. They don’t care. It’s all about the dollar bill.

So what was the idea Deb got into her head today? Where is the best source to look up massage therapists, chiropractors and even EMT services (if need be) ??? Yep, I went to the message board for my local gay pride organization. Have you ever noticed that a lot of lesbians are into the massage therapy careers, chiropractic line of work, and the biggest career goal---the EMT workers. I posted a message up on their board.

From: "Deb" Date: Wed Oct 26, 2005 12:54 pm
Subject: In need of a massage therapist..................
dtimagery@hotmail.com Send Email

Hi,I know this is an odd request, but my back has been out for a whole week. I have visited the chiropractor...(nothing) And now, I can't even move out of my house in order to get some treatment. Do any of you know anyone who is a massage therapist or knows how to treat back pain-- that will venture out to other people's homes? I knew one person, but unfortunately, she has moved to FL. (quite a trip for me) I live in the town of Sasquash. If you can suggest someone, that would be great. (Please NO escort service people either!!!!) lol!
Anyway, please let me know if you can help! (212)555-1212 ...or you can e-mail me at dtimagery@hotmail.com ...
Thanks!!!
Deb

Hopefully this will bring some responses my way. I actually put up my real phone number on their board, so far---no calls. Hmm….

Okay, I’ll be around in pain, watching the message board light up with tons of massage therapists willing to rub my back.

Wish me luck!