Friday, October 21, 2005

Are We There Yet?

“Twenty-five bottles of beer on the wall, twenty-five bottles of beer….knock one down, pass it around, twenty-five bottles of beer on the wall...are we there yet? Are we there yet?”
Driving down to Rehoboth Beach, DE for a much needed vacation, I should have put sails on top of my car. It was torrential downpours with side-swiping rain making the roads literally a raging river. Overturned tractor trailers, major traffic delays and ambulances rushing on the side of the highway passing through for emergencies made me feel very uneasy about this trip. It got to the point where we had to pull over at a rest stop because it was now zero visibility. It’s supposed to be a four hour trip, and we’re used to driving much more than that—so it wasn’t a big deal to make a pit stop.

“I have to go to the bathroom anyway, let’s go inside for a little while.” I said, as I parked my car.
“Want me to get you something to eat? You hungry Deb?”
“No, I don’t want anything on this trip for the sake of stopping again, but get yourself something if you’d like…I’ll be right back.”

Okay guys…are you sick of my bathroom stories or what? Yes, I am about to explain what’s inside

"THE LADIES ROOM”… What a horror!

I walk into the little foyer. The bathroom stalls were a mile long. There must have been a hundred of them. So many to pick from!

Door #1
*It was clearly obvious someone had urinated, yet didn’t use any napkins to clean up. Totally yellow water. I wasn’t about to flush out of courtesy. Why should I? There were ninety-nine toilets left to choose from.

Door #2
*This taught me a valuable lesson: Never eat at a rest stop’s Mexican pavilion. The look of refried beans is so not appealing.

Door #3
*Mama always taught me to put down those paper towel toilet seats so your butt doesn’t get marinated in someone else’s DNA…But she also told me to flush that down too. This person only learned half the lesson. I was not about to push that in the toilet myself. No courtesy calls on my part.

Door #4
*Why do I hear the music from psycho? I hear it loud, and I hear that music damn clear with this stall. Fecal matter was all over the seat, all over the walls, and for the love of God, the amount that was still in the bowl was enough to fill up the septic tank for one year.

No more doors. I’m not going to gross you out. I did slip into door number eighty, and it was alright. Leverage and balance was all part of the ‘don’t slip and get wet game’…I was pleasantly surprised to see that the soap was that hospital foam along with clean sinks and sufficient paper towels. My OCD was happy.

“Ready?” I asked, as Madelene was waiting outside the bathroom.
“Yeah, let’s go.”

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale,a tale of a fateful trip.
That started from upstate New York,
aboard this SUV.
The mate was a mighty sailin' gal,
and Maddy was brave and sure.
Two passengers set sail that day,
for a three hour tour, a three hour tour………
The weather started getting rough,
the SUV was tossed.
If not for the courage of the fearless crew,
the Explorer would be lost; the Explorer would be lost.

Ah, finally…our destination. We got there safe and sound. Now the only obstacle was to unpack. Ugh. My back was hurting from a previous injury, and the weather was turning me into a ninety year old arthritis-stricken witch from hell. Guess who did most of the hauling up four flights of stairs with luggage?

Oh shut up! I would have done it if it weren’t for my back!

We were greeted by two charming gay men who owned the guest house. Flamboyant and excited that we were staying for a full week, they were eager to point out all the hot spots of the area and where to go, and not to go. As one gentleman was pointing out sites on the map to Maddy, the more feminine guy was making it quite obvious he was taking notes on my appearance. He first started glancing at my hair, down to my jewelry, down to my manicured nails, and of course—what else? My shoes. What gay man doesn’t look at a nice pair of shoes? I didn’t think anything of it, it’s his house, and he’s just curious of what types of people are staying there. I’d do the same thing too.

Since we made it to the guest house sort of late, we ended up eating take out and relaxing that evening. The next morning, the sun was beaming through the crescent moon shaped window, and I started jumping on the bed like a little kid waiting for Mad to get up so we can go out and play. Mad took off her satin blindfolds and started laughing.

“Come on! It’s sunny and the weather channel says it’s going to be close to 80 degrees and sunny all week! Let’s have breakfast on the deck!”

I went downstairs to pick up the food and coffee, and I see a bunch of gay men talking amongst themselves, however looking over my way as well.
“Oh yeah, total Fran Drescher. Has anyone ever told you that before sweetie?”
“Uhh, yeah…a few times…”
I said, as I laughed over the nicknames my ex and I had. People used to call us Fran Drescher and Winona Rider.
“Well, sh*t—I wish I had her body!” I said, chuckling as I was pouring my coffee.
“Don’t we all hunnay, don’t we all…” The guy said, in this drag queen-like voice.
I gave them a huge “Fran laugh” as I walked back upstairs…then I heard them cackling like a bunch of wild hens in heat.

The rest of the vacation, I have to put in another post, because I haven’t yet developed my film yet. Yes…MY FILM! I forgot my digital camera! I had to use a pharmacy disposable camera. I will pick up my disc later so I can explain every single funny detail of this trip. Believe me, to much of my surprise, I have too much to blog about with this lovely vacation.

Did I have fun? I absolutely enjoyed myself immensely. Madelene and I laughed so much on this trip- it was all worth it. Photos are coming up either later tonight, or tomorrow. You gotta see some of these pictures. I hope they came out alright. I hate the fact that I forgot my digital camera.

To be continued…


midwest_hick said...

Welcome back......glad ya had a good time......have a great weekend!

~Deb said...

Thanks midwest! :)

gigi said...

Can't wait to see the photo's!

~Deb said...

I hope they come out okay. Digital is so nice when you can just delete the bad pictures and 'redo' them over. One hour photos suck, because they usually mess them up. Fricken 15 yr old employees lurking at your pictures. Ugh, the thought!

Jon said...

Was there anything racey in these photos to make you uncomfortable?

Welcome back. I'm glad you had a good break.

~Deb said...

Well, I did earn my beads, but that's for another time...;) No, nothing racey, just waiting on old fashioned film to develop. *sigh*

Doublebogie said...

Glad to see you back Deb. I trust it was a GREAT time. I kept thinking of how nice it must have been not having to worry about running into the "ex" while you were there. Sounds like a lovely place for a special get-away.

~Deb said...

Thanks double, it was a really nice time... My ex is a really wonderful person, however this was a vacation, and not a reunion. I feel that maybe she didn't look into how her partner and my partner would have felt about that situation. Awkward for all, if we were to be at the same spot, at the same know? I would have loved to see her, but in different circumstances and venues. Just more appropriate...

Chrissie said...

*tackles ya* Your BAACCK!! Yaaay! *smooch* I have to get my ass back to work... but i'll see ya later sexy! Happy your back safe n sound!

Oh ps.. i LOVE my link there to the right lol You are TOO damn cute!

~Deb said...

Wooo! *brushes self off ~ cheeks all red*

What a welcome back!!! I should go away more often if you're going to tackle me like that! :)

Go to work- I need a sugamama! ;)

kathi said...

Ditto Chrissie, our girl is back! I'm thrilled you had and Maddy had a great time. Looking forward to those pics too. That SUCKS about the camera. Remember that last trip I took? I went to TAKE pics and my camera broke before we got outta town! Every time I saw something and think, cool pic, I'd want to cry. Oh well, long winded...sorry.

~Deb said...

Awe Kath, I love you too girlie!!!!!!!! {{{{hugs}}}}

You're the best!

Chrissie said...

Only go away again if your comin here! :oD
Then i'll show you a tackle!

Scarlett O'Hara said...

Deb is back! Deb is back!!! whoo~hoo! I'm soooo glad you girls had an awesome time!! Can't wait to see pics! and more story!! hehe.... you're like the best story teller!! :-)

becca said...

man you gave me a heart attack cuz u said you wun be posting before 24? haha, but nice to see you are enjoying urself!

LisaBinDaCity said...

Harumph, blogger ate my welcome back comment yesterday!

Welcome back Deb! You were missed :-)

I'm looking forward to more fun posts!

~Deb said...

Chrissie: I await your tackle.........................

Scarlett: Thanks sweetie!!! Nice of you to say. I will be developing the pictures today, so hopefully new updated post. Can't blog more without them. Really bad pics...(all the more fun to post)

Becca: Yeah, I thought I was staying for the two weekends, but it was the Thursday thru my hopes up. I told Madelene, "Oh well we have next weekend too!" She's like, "Umm, Deb, we're only staying till Thursday." Ah well, it was a nice full week. :)

LisaB: Those damn bloggers!!! Thank you for your welcome back- it's always comforting to know my blog is being lurked. ;)

Romeo Jensen said...

okay first

I've been flirting with women... no really... it's true

okay... again wid da public bathroom postings... ack just pee in the sink

hearted the giligan's isle parody

you do know Im a republican right?
just teasing bout the Hillary in '08

lastly ((((((deb))))) *tear*
dont leave me like dat again
*way sad look wid big puppy dawg eyes*

Note spelling of dawg

~Deb said...

Absolutely precious Romey.

I was also kidding about Condoleezza Rice and her future career as president----(along with the cigar joke)

Can you imagine me popping a squat on a sink? Come on Romey!!!

And as far as your flirting----a dawgette knows another dawg very it's allowed. How's Heather? *wink wink*

P.S. And don't you worry, big sister's watching you at all times. ~..~

Jillian said...

Sounds like a wonderful trip! Can't wait to see the pictures. Thank you for visiting my site!!

Jillian said...

Sounds like a wonderful trip! Can't wait to see the pictures. Thank you for visiting my site!!

~Deb said...

Why thank you...

Why thank you...

Video X said...

oh my gosh. i have the worst time with those bathrooms. if the stalls arent big enough i'm screwed...cant squat cuz then my face gets to be smashed up against the ever so clean door....i'm too tall sometimes. glad you got out of there w/out too much trauma!

sounds like a great vacation!

~Deb said...

Video---it never fails, every time I go into the ladies public restrooms, it's just a horrific dilemma for me. It's a fricken balancing act on the bowl, I swear. Makes me have penis envy sometimes... "sometimes"...

Romeo Jensen said...

~Deb said...
I got it! What about Full Frontal Fridays? FFF???????????

Good idea? Bad idea? Hmm......

12:52 PM

Romey Retorts:
I'll show you mine if you show me yours

~Deb said...

Okay, now you made me look like a total pervert! You've exposed me! The nerve!!!!! hehehehee!

Well, I do have my HNT shots---HOWEVER, .......(on a different blog) ;) I'm afraid you'll give that secret info on my site. I used to have the FFF, but they banned me for good. (ha)

VERY scary!

Dan said...

My good God!

I can't believe I just discovered you! If you hadn't commented on my BILF blog about Chrissie I would have had to put someone else up next week!

I need to stop using exclamation points!

Anyway, if you have a pic you would like me to use please visit the BILF blog again and email me one, otherwise I'll pick my own.

(picture, not nose)

piu piu said...

hello! u didnt miss me in NY.i'm not going there til jan....

Chrissie said...

HEY lol where are the piiics...?
We are waaaiting?

~Deb said...

Chrissie: See me in person.......

Chrissie said...

Ooh i've seen you... ohh yesss... mm have i seen lol

Oh in PERSON... as soon as i can get on a plane i will! ;)

The Seeker said...

Welcome back... I want to see the pix... uh, all of them. lol

~Deb said...

First of all, I just found out what a "BILF" is...

Dan---my girlfriend knew what a MILF was. I feel so dumb!!!!


Oh Lord I am SOOOOO slow!

By the way, the one hour photo turned into a 48 hour photo. That's for another blog. Very upset, and my back is out. Will blog more later or tomorrow.......

Chrissie: Get your nurse's outfit on and come to NY...