Top 12 Things Unhealed People Will NOT Do
What's your reaction when someone hurts you or offends you? What is your initial thought process when your brain (your ego) is triggered? I used to rattle off my mouth with knee-jerk reactions---without even thinking for a second what the repercussions would be. Before I make an initial response, I talk it out calmly. If talking it out calmly doesn't work, it can go one or two ways with me. I either let my emotions get the best of me, or I become distant and indifferent. Sometimes both. But as I go through life, I have become much more non-responsive, or at least, have thrown an attempt to talk it out. I'm not perfect---believe you me, but I'm at that point where I don't have time to deal with petty arguments, unnecessary drama or conflict. I won't allow it near me or around my home. I believe in forgiveness as well as forgetting---where I will never bring up the topic again, however, I also believe you do not need to reconcile with an unhealed person if that means destroying your peace again. And what I mean by an "unhealed person" --- it's describing a person who is called a "toxic" --- a person who is extremely negative, who constantly gossips about other people or complains 24/7, especially those who love to drum up drama. The term is used loosely, that's why I'd rather call it an "unhealed person." Pray for them, but at a distance. God doesn't mention one word about continuing a friendship or relationship with someone who is emotionally abusive or manipulative. He says, "Do not be unequally yoked together with them." He also states do not let your light be next to darkness, if that person causes you to stumble in your faith (or act out or tempt your knee-jerk reactions.) It is not healthy, spiritually. emotionally or mentally.
Spiritual and emotional maturity is realizing that half of what you need to say does not need to be said. There is strength in your presence alone. You wouldn't have to say a word and people will sense your strength. The wind that you create when you walk by shows them your strength. You have silent strength--you don't have to be the loudest one in the room, you don't have to be the one getting attention---they see it, they know it. If you have been through emotional, spiritual or even physical turmoil, you possess the strength that exceeds beyond the norm---and that kind of strength intimidates people. You've been through it all---you've seen it all before. No one can affect you anymore. And this doesn't mean that you become insensitive to others---it simply means you can see right through the horse crap. You have God's discernment. And God's discernment never lies. Trust your gut instinct which is from the conscience of God.
Being able to see the difference between ego reactions and helpful points that can uplift harmony, or reaffirm your values makes a real difference. 'Speak your truth' does not mean 'speak your ego.' Be mindful and extremely selective, as well as very intentional about the people you allow in your life. Not enough people talk about how life altering this is. When someone does you wrong, don't get angry---get distant, because their defense is going to be just as draining as the original action that violated you in the first place. You're better off walking away rather than being manipulated by an apology that doesn't come with changed behavior. Confidence comes from the ability to self regulate. Self-regulation is the ability to process life around you and responding to it rather than reacting to your emotions. Reacting to your own emotions is exhausting and feels like a never-ending cycle of stress.
Top 11 Things Unhealed People Will Not Do
- They will not absorb wisdom or advice from anyone.
- They will not admit their wrongdoings or their participation to problems.
- They will not acknowledge they caused another person's stress or emotional pain.
- They will not allow themselves to be truly accountable.
- They will not accept someone else's individuality or varying perspective.
- They will not affirm others without a manipulative intent.
- They will not adapt to meet the demands of a relationship/friendship or circumstance.
- They will not applaud other people's successes because they burn with envy and hate when others experience something they believe they are entitled to.
- They will not appreciate others efforts.
- They will not articulate their true inner feelings so can't trust what they're saying is truth.
- They will not attune to others and their needs without it being for the purpose of objectifying or exploiting people.
- They will never, ever apologize.