Wednesday, September 12, 2018

How Do You Cope With a Toxic Person in Your Life?

So many of us have been judged, or have even judged others. We've been taught that "judging" someone is a bad thing to do, but realistically, it's our innate nature to automatically form an opinion---to judge, whether it's good or bad. If I hear someone talking badly about someone or wishing ill will on another person, I automatically "judge" them to be someone who hates themselves. People who hate themselves usually ramble on about other people, or wish bad things to happen to them. That's just psychology 101---not to mention that's also some bad juju. Even gossip itself is a form of judgment. In Judaism, there's a saying that gossip kills three: the speaker, the listener and the one being spoken of. Anyone who gossips about someone else to you, will most likely be gossiping about you as well. I'm not perfect and from time to time, I like hearing about how a friend is doing or what's going on in their lives through someone else, but there's a huge difference between tearing somebody apart while they're not there and just asking how someone else is doing.

Bad energy exudes bad energy. And recently I have experienced this for myself. I was having lunch with old friends a few months ago. Every word out of one of our friend's mouth was a complaint about her life or about someone in her life. I mean, I get it---we can all complain about something, but this was every. single. word. out. of. her. mouth. I started to feel tense and ordered another drink or three, (you can judge me there.) The words out of her mouth were so toxic, that the atmosphere felt poisoned. She even wished death on one of her exes. Eventually, she tarted subtly attacking a few of us at the table. She ultimately ruined a good evening. I then began to realize that this woman absolutely hates everything about herself. There was absolutely no self-love ---no self acceptance or inner peace. She verbally vomited at the table. That's exactly what it felt like. And then I remembered why I rarely hung out with this person. She never changed. I'm not sure if someone like that can change or not. It must be a mind pattern of just constant judgments on people, or maybe, she just needs to learn how to accept herself more. I'm no psychologist, but this was just crazy.

When you're in the company of a very toxic person, or someone who is just verbally vomiting all over your good time----what do you do?

Do you excuse yourself and leave?

Do you wait it out and then never call them again?

Or do you ask them to stop?

I can never have a good time with this person only because it's all fire coming out of her mouth. She's always angry at someone or something. So sadly, I try to keep my distance because it makes me feel anxious. For one, I don't want to be apart of a hate fest. Like they say, misery loves company. And two, I don't want to absorb her energy. I truly believe you can absorb someone's good or bad energy if you're with them long enough. Have you ever left someone after a long visit and felt completely drained?

In life, especially during stressful times, I LOVE to get away with a few friends for the night and just laugh and talk about anything, other than people in a derogatory way. Laughter is the best medicine for anxiety. A bash fest or gossiping just makes me wanna hide under the table and call for help. And don't get me wrong, if a friend calls me up with a problem or needs help with a challenge in their life---I want to be there for them. This is different. I'm talking about the drama lamas and the ones who are constantly putting other people down. I can't take it anymore.

I'm sure many of you are nodding, knowing somebody in your life who does this sort of thing. What do you do? (Asking for a friend.)


For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog for some of her famous recipes!