Friday, March 16, 2012

Time Flies So Cherish Every Moment

Through tweets, song lyrics, and quotes given on every Facebook status message, they say, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” Does it? Sometimes I wonder if it applies to all people. I think, some people handle stress and grief differently. Perhaps one person dives into a deep depression after something traumatic happens in their lives and the other one pushes through with more strength the next time around. Personality types vary. One of my favorite passages from the Bible is this one: “We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they are good for us—they help us learn to endure. And endurance develops strength of character in us, and character strengthens our confident expectation of salvation. And this expectation will not disappoint us. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.” ~(Romans 5:3-5) I’ve heard many people facing an inconceivable situation state “this too shall pass” or some other cliché to either make themselves feel better, or perhaps comfort someone else going through similar trials. And while I know that “time heals” - it definitely doesn’t seem like the truth while you’re going through something so dreadful, like a breakup or even a death. As you know, for me it’s a loved one being terminally ill. Even God seems distant these days, but that’s probably my numbness to everything just to self-preserve. I don’t do stress well ---really, who does? But for me, my ways of showing stress are different. My physical symptoms land me in the hospital at times, and that’s not where I want to be right now. I want to help all I can, but sometimes, I. just. can’t. It’s difficult to even help myself when I reach these levels of anxiety.

My work has been suffering. In fact, my entire family’s work life and home life has been suffering. We’re all trying to do our part and make it easier for one another, but it’s just sort of a surreal time for us right now. All of these difficult choices to make for Dad and of course, facing the inevitable has all of us spinning with pre-grief, anxiety & physical symptoms due to stress. We’ve all been handling it differently. My dad’s coming home tomorrow from the facility where they provide rehabilitation and hospice. Of course he’ll have a prolonged life in the facility with medical attention, however his wish is to come home, which will lessen his days here with us. None of us are ready for this. I’m worried about my mom most of all and how she’s internalizing all of this. She’s been by his side every. single. day. My sisters and I have been driving mom back and forth to the facility where dad is. Sometimes he’s angry, sometimes he’s crying hysterically, and other times, he doesn’t even remember my name. He says things he doesn’t mean because he’s in great pain. I understand it all too well because the nut doesn’t fall too far from the tree if you get my drift. We lash out at the ones we love the most. We just have to take what he says and throw it out the window. He wants to come home. He’s angry he got this awful disease and he wants to live another ten years he said. He feels ripped off. He even blurted out to my mom while I was present, “Yeah she’s distant, always has been.” My mom said, “Who Charl?” He points to me, “Your daughter, that’s who.” ...And it’s the truth. I got the wheel chair out and said, “Get in ya rat bastard.” He started laughing and then hopped in. I took him for the ride of his life through the hallways doing mach 90. It made him laugh at least. When I left, I said, “I love you Dad” and gave him a kiss goodbye. I knew he didn’t mean any ‘bad’ by what he stated. He was telling me what he thought all along. It’s okay.

As of now, my posts may lesson (blog-wise), but I’ll be updating here and there when I can. My other freelance work, editing and promos are important now money-wise, so I’m trying to just focus on that and try to keep it together. I have many people emailing me asking about my dad and how he’s doing. Thank you for all your thoughts, prayers & comforting words during this time. It means everything. Feel free to leave a joke or two in the comment section for a good dose of laughter, which is of course the best medicine.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com

5 comments:

Xmichra said...

My thoughts are with you and yours in this time. You never know, maybe your dad will get through this better with being at home. Some people, that's all they want is to just go home, and once that stress is gone they seem to just be much better.

I don't have a joke today (i'll keep you in mind though!) but I have a virtual hug (((hugs))) :)

llduggan said...

Life is not about waiting for the Storm to Pass,
It's about learning to Dance in the rain!!

the walking man said...

A mom and dad were worried about their son not wanting to learn math at the school he was in, so they decided to send him to a Catholic school. After the first day of school, their son comes racing into the house, goes straight into his room and slams the door shut. Mom and dad are a little worried about this and go to his room to see if he is okay. They find him sitting at his desk doing his homework. The boy keeps doing that for the rest of the year. At the end of the year the son brings home his report card and gives it to his mom and dad. Looking at it they see under math an A+.

Mom and dad are very happy and ask the son, "What changed your mind about learning math?"

The son looked at mom and dad and said, "Well, on the first day when I walked into the classroom, I saw a guy nailed to the plus sign at the back of the room behind the teacher's desk and I knew they meant business."

Anonymous said...

I can be your designated driver...3 more weeks of Lent.

- Myriam

Jess said...

XOXO

So a Irish priest and a rabbi were at a red light. They looked at one another and gave the nod that says "let's race".

So the two start tearing down the street and eventually the lane goes down to just one lane, the Rabbi in front, therefore beating the priest. In the race.

In a fit of furry the Irish priest rams the back of the Rabbi's vehicle.

Soon after a cop, a good ol Irish boy, gets there, gets out of his vehicle and starts measuring skid marks and checking out the damage. After a few minutes the cop comes over and says to the priest:

"So Father, how fast was the Rabbi going when he backed into you?"