Friday, November 23, 2007

Social Morality

There are so many things that have evolved regarding social morality. Some even believe that it derives from religion itself, when in fact, man has been using the ‘evolving social morality’ to change certain things that they feel to be inappropriate, and/or to make “new laws”. People want ‘what’s best’ for their children and family. They want to stop human nature and become more reserved, self-disciplined and robotic. The stigma on “human nature” seems to correlate with “animalistic behaviors”. But, what was man really like 2,000 years ago?

People back then, with various cultures practiced rituals on their children to become “men” or “women”, when hitting puberty. At the age of 13 years old, a lot of cultures would cast their children off after their rituals to become men- to provide for their new wives. Isn’t that sort of young? To us, it seems very young and senseless to put a child out there to provide for his wife and produce babies. But if you really think about it, God made our bodies in such a way, that at the age of 12 or 13, we hit “puberty”, which means we can reproduce, therefore, marrying and having children. It was sociably acceptable. They started very early.

Now, we call it, “babies having babies”, and people aren’t allowed to get married unless they are 18 and over. Kids aren’t allowed to even vote until after the age of 18—and there are highly intelligent kids out there who know their political b/s. Then again, most kids would probably vote for whoever’s the “coolest” candidate or who had a nicer cleavage… You get my drift.

Let me get into this a bit further. Personally, when I was younger, I dated people 10 years or older, above my age. I never, ever dated anyone that was younger than me. Back then, I was still “in the closet” as a homosexual and dated guys who were more mature than myself…or on the same level. My mother was sick of the 'heavy metal head bangers' that were closer to my age knocking on my door. I dated a couple of them, but they were more like my ‘buddies’ than anything else. I went for the more mature man----I’m talking being 15 years old with a 25 year old. I had so many relationships with that similar age range. Let me first explain this: I was not your average “15 years old”. I had the mentality of a 25 year old and carried myself in a mature manner. (Don’t ask that happened to me in my later years—that’s a whole other story in itself!) I had a lot of friends, but very few close ones, because the ones that were in my grade didn’t intellectually stimulate me. Of course, they stimulated me in other ways, but we won’t get into that now. They were just “crushes”. My close friends were also mature and well mannered, beyond what a 15 year old could manage.

A lot has to do with the fact that I am 7 years younger from my next sibling. I have 3 older sisters who I basically “mimicked” all my life. (In the sense of growing up.) So, when they got older, so did I, unwillingly. At the age of 15, my friends became the same circle as my next older sister’s friends. She didn’t take too well with that, and I began dating someone who was even older than her. He was 25 years old. This actually brought my sister and I closer together as friends- because most of the time we were busy fighting and wrestling over the Nintendo. Now, instead, we were hanging out and smoking up in her room gossiping…

Here’s the kicker that most people gasp at. My mother wanted what was best for me. When my mother and I would go shopping or just go out somewhere, she would stop at this local gas station & mechanic’s shop. My dad was friends with this guy named Nick who owned this shop. He was also an aspiring musician for a famous orchestra in New York City. He had light blonde hair, gorgeous blue eyes and seemed to take pretty good care of himself. He must have been in his mid-twenties- so I thought... He always glanced over at me while I sat in the passenger’s seat of my mother's car. I gawked at him, because he was so cute and friendly. He didn’t know my age either. It was very hard to tell with me. When he went to grab the cash from my mom’s hand for the gas, he looked over and asked my mother if he could take ‘her beautiful daughter out to dinner’. My mother, knowing Nick, said, “That’s up to my Debs. That sounds nice, doesn’t it?” I looked over, smiled, and he gave me his card.

My mother informed me Nick was 30 years old. I was given the ‘maturity advice’ and told not to do anything but to go out to dinner with him only. Again, I am guessing my mother was frightened of the boys around my own age. They were reckless and only wanted one thing. That evening, Nick arrived at my door to pick me up. He sat down, spoke to my family before whisking me away to some fancy schmancy expensive French restaurant. I remember him going on about the taste of good cognac being swirled, as it warmed the glass by his hand.

I’m thinking Bud Light. I’m thinking, which pub can we play pool at?

I was able to get into bars, but if I were to get into a place, it surely wasn’t a French restaurant with a wine list. There we were, eating duck cherry with a bottle of Boudreaux that tasted like dry grape acid from God knows where. Our conversation consisted of how much cholesterol was in the buttery appetizers he ordered and what politician was doing what with who. I was already deciding if I was going to buy the Guns & Roses cassette tape. He already purchased the complete Bach collection. The owner of the restaurant came to our table and asked Nick if he could be so kind to play a piece on their grand piano for their customers, since he was ‘well known’. He played some classical piece along with…”Feelings”. Enough. Obviously this guy wasn’t “it” for me.

Soon after, I dated a 25 year old that lasted for a few years. It was a great match, except for the culture difference that tore us apart due to his mother wanting him to be set up with a woman of his own culture for marriage, since in their eyes, he was getting “old”.

At the age of 20 years old, I started dating a woman who was 30 years old. (This being my current girlfriend now.) And no, these people had nothing wrong with them, other than not knowing my real age at first, because my maturity level was equal to theirs. The people I dated who were either close to my age or just a bit older never, ever worked out worked out for me. But who’s to say who matches up and who doesn’t, basing it upon the age factor?

I want to delve into the issue of “hebephilia”. The term is used to describe adult sexual attractions to adolescents who have reached or gone beyond puberty. Due to various maturity levels, how can we ever determine who’s right and who’s wrong for them in terms of marriages and unions? Naturally “hebephilia” still exists, but it’s muffled down due to social morality. Even if actions aren’t taken, these people are looked at as “sick” or “perverted” if thought to be attracted to an adolescent that seemed to have matured faster than the rest. Personally, if I had a daughter, I wouldn’t want her to date anyone 5 years or older than her. I’d be scared, naturally. Why does this guy take such interest in her? Will she get pregnant? Will he hurt her? If I had a son, it wouldn’t be so alarming, other than, “protect yourself so she doesn’t get pregnant!!!”

What is it to be “perverted”? That’s a whole concept that’s been twisted around as social morality has evolved into this major conservative tight box. If you think about it, people can pervert food: those who eat flowers, cow’s tongue, head cheese and chicken feet. Of course, these “extra goodies” were used for when people didn’t have enough money to buy food many years ago. They went for anything---including lobster and crab (which is now too expensive). They were repressed. Now, some of us ‘desire’ these types of delicacies. God knows I don’t want to eat a flower that tastes much like my grandmother’s cheap perfume, or gnaw on a chicken's foot, but people are willing to try new things. Who am I to judge what someone else eats?

Nowadays, “perverted” means “kinky”, or used for anything that’s desired sexually in a strange way---or not the way “man and woman” produce babies missionary style. Anything beyond that is just plain perversion to some people with strict religions. Age has become one of them. I’m not advocating pedophilia or hebephilia, however, I do ask this: what if a mature 17 year old woman wants to date somebody who is 21 years old? Now, believe me, there’s more of that happening now than ever. What are your thoughts? Does this guy need to be put in jail, because he’s dating a beautiful 17 year old woman who looks and acts as if she’s 25 years old (and probably more mature than he is), or are people making a huge fuss over something that has been socially evolved? The “law” says it’s bad…but is it? It's consdered "statutory rape".

I wonder why people even bother to have a bar/bat mitzvah for their child.