Friday, March 07, 2008

Humiliation

Downright humiliating. It’s what I felt as I did these freaky squat thrusts on a little mushy dome-like half ball on the floor, while these beautiful people walked past me as I stuck my butt out in “full” display. My trainer is one of those types who don’t believe workout machines will help all that much. She made me do 30 push ups (the half ass beginner ones), weird side leaps with a resistance belt tied around my ankles, looking more like my underwear fell down, 100 sit ups – but these sit ups were different – I had to lie on my back and push my legs into the air. I said, “This’ll never work.”

How wrong I was. I got a Charlie horse in my stomach muscle. Who gets that?

I could have done all of this at my house. But would I? …She even made me use one of those “steps” – the type of step that aerobic classes used from 1982 with leg warmers. I had to carry a 5 lb medicine ball and leap from side to side rotating each foot swinging the ball high in the air. I looked like some giddy gay man from a bad musical. It was just so humiliating.

Here’s the thing, I’m trying to lose weight. The last thing I want to see is a huge ass mirror covering the entire wall from top to bottom and from side to side, unless I’ve already reached my goal weight. I’m not sure what people’s motives are as far as installing mirrors, but have you ever noticed, that in retail stores, the mirrors make you look MUCH thinner? Of course. They want you to think your ass looks really nice in those jeans. When you get home, reality slaps you in the face and you’ve just realized you’ve been followed by a huge monstrosity that seemed to look a lot smaller in the department store’s mirror. Well, think of this: the gym mirror is “shortened” to make you look like a circus sideshow. It’ll make you appear fatter so that you’ll work out harder, leaving you to do only one thing: renew that horribly expensive membership.

It’s all a business.

As a personal trainer, I realize that you’re training the other person in need of help, therefore, you don’t have to do anything but demonstrate the workout, and then have your client/patient or victim (whatever you want to call them) do the hard stuff. I understand that, because they’re monitoring your form and if you’re doing everything correctly. I don’t mind that. What gets me is after the entire hour spent with this personal trainer, then they say, “Get on an elliptical for an hour to cool down.”

To cool down? For the love of God I’ll be screaming “911”!!! So, I did it. I didn’t want to look “weak” or flake out. Amazingly enough, I did the full hour on a very high level. When I got off the elliptical, my legs were so wobbly, that I needed to sit and stretch for another half hour.

Who the hell spends 2 ½ hours at the gym? Today, I’m going to bring my bed with me so I can just sleep there.

This better work.

21 comments:

GW Mush said...

Hi Deb!


I must congratulate you on your motivation & effort.

2 1/2 hours at the gym is a heck of a work out. I wouldnt feel humiliated it I was you though because if I was at the gym and noticed you working out, I would be thinking to myself....

Wow... that is one fine woman, and I admire her discipline & motivation to try to try to stay on top of her game.

Hope you arent tooooo sore.. hehehehehe

Have a nice weekend Deb!

Art said...

Good for you for trying. I wish you much sucess!

Liquid said...

Crackin' up!

Michael said...

In my experience, after the first two weeks you become addicted to the feeling after going to the gym. It will get better :)

Angel... said...

Deb,

Hhaha keep trying.. have a good luck

Angel

グラント said...

I could be your personal trainer for far less. I'll just lay around munching on a cheeseburger telling you what to do. "Okay, now run around for awhile." And I don't think it's actually cooling down if you do it for an hour and push yourself to the brink of exhaustion. You should ask that guy if he has a certification, or if he's just one of the typical muscleheads gyms hire even though they have no training and could potentially harm you with the things they want you to do.

Also, sex is supposed to burn a lot of calories, so get to it.

Leah said...

I met with a trainer once. He was built exactly like FAT ALBERT. Not very motivating at all.

Good luck & keep up the good work!

kathi said...

2 1/2 hours?? Girl, I'm so proud of you. Nearly motivate me enough to...I dunno, bend down to tie my shoes maybe. I'll let you know, don't want to make promises I can't keep, LOL. Love ya, good for you sweetie!

Tim said...

The fact that you are working out 2.5 hours a day means you are dead serious about this program. Either that or you are just waiting for the best opportunity to drop some weights on her head....
The stories are sooo funny. Thanks for letting us smile at your pain. I think you are doing great.
I have a female trainer who is so nice until we walk through the door of the gym. Then she goes through some strange transformation. I even have to call he by a different name! Pretty scary.. ha ha
Have a great weekend.

Pittchick said...

I have been known to spend 2 1/2 hours in a gym, but it's not a regular occurance. I can fit lifting and cardio into an hour or an hour and a half now.
Good for you for starting a program! It'll get easier.

Big Mama said...

Wow Deb~ I am so very proud of you!

Just know that you are perfect just the way you are.

Jeff B said...

2 1/2 hours in the gym. Isn't that like 27 years in dog years. Yikes!

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

I’m proud of ya, Deb—you, I hope, are proud of yourself!

Blu Jewel said...

You're a better woman than me. I could not possibly spend 21/2 hours in the gym, I like the outdoors too much. But good for you for having the discipline to take on such an endeavor.

Love!

Leesa said...

One day per week I do 2-1/2 hours at the gym. Well, there is an hour of work out, a shower, a soak, another shower, and then a light meal at the in-gym deli. That counts, huh?

Tai said...

Wow, well, at least your getting your money's worth...right?!?

Nancy said...

The thing I love most about my daily workout is the feeling I get when I STOP. Ahhhh.

Congratulations on your efforts! Don't forget that the secret is doing something (eventually) that you enjoy and can maintain. That's what ended up working for me. I would have probably killed a personal trainer. LOL

Saur♥Kraut said...

Yeah, I'm totally with you! I work out 3x a week and hate it... and don't feel like it's doing much at all.

Dancing at a nightclub burns more calories, IMHO...

Deb said...

I don't get the whole gym thing.

Michelle (artscapes) said...

Me neither. If it's not fun, I can't keep it up.... That's why if I can't do it outside, it doesn't happen.... But then I live in cottage country.... My fat butt has no excuse! LOL!

J R Estelle said...

Um....I spend 2.5 hours in the gym and I hired a personal trainer too. We work 1.5 hours together (45 minutes - twice a week), but I'm there 6 days a week too.

Hard work but it'll pay off. Oh and those reverse sit-ups? Try that on an incline board with 10 pounds across your chest.