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Showing posts from September, 2017

Trying to Get My Heart to Beat Again

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All I could do was cry out to God asking him why he had to take such an amazing person away from me. Clichés of, "He only takes the best," doesn't explain why some murderers, rapists & terrorists die too. It just kinda makes it feel worse. Sometimes I wonder if I'm being tested like Job was in the Bible. First you take away my dad, and now my mom, leaving me with some financial issues that need to be resolved. All of these "tests" -- or are they tests? Most Christians say, "Well, God would never test you." Sure He would. Satan tried to test Job by taking his family and his wealth. He was ok. The one thing that almost got him was when he took away his health. And even then, Job still remained faithful. Is it for me to stay in faith? I mean, ever since mom died, my faith has been stronger than ever. You would think I would lose all faith. But now that He sees how strong I am, or "could be" -- then maybe He's gonna do something wors

When Anxiety & Panic Takes Over

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Do you feel alone because you suffer from anxiety? Anxiety can make you feel like you’re the only one experiencing it, when actually, anxiety is the most common thing in the world. Some people smile through it, while others choose to use avoidance to cope. The one thing I noticed about dealing with severe anxiety is that once I focus on God completely — entirely focused on God Himself — I find myself less anxious. As soon as I feel it coming on, I sit down and take about 15 deep breaths. I had to work my way from 5 to now, 15. Mindful breathing is like throwing water onto the fire. And even though I may feel a bit calmer, I need MORE. I need to meditate and focus on God — even if my prayer is just saying His name, the meditation on Him changes the atmosphere in my home. I no longer feel the dread, the highly alert mania that somehow creeps in — all I feel is like someone is sitting there with me helping me through. I go through the promises of God if I don’t feel that euphoric sens

My Struggle as a Gay Christian

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"Well what do other Christians say about the Bible?"  "Oh, you mean 'other people' and their book of rules?"  At the age of 19, I walked into a confessional booth, guilt-ridden and ashamed that I was dating another person of the same gender. The palm of my hands were sweaty as I entered into the small confessional booth, which had a tiny bench and a black mesh in between the priest and myself. I knelt down before the mesh and told him how long it had been since my last confessional (eek) and then poured out my heart, especially now that I was dating girls. "What do you mean you are dating girls?" "Well, I'm dating 'a' girl." "What do you do with her," he asked as silence followed. I didn't know what to say, other than tell him it was no different than dating a man, in some sort of innocent 'dating' way. I didn't want to describe my sex life with the priest, but he kept on asking me detail

The Greater Good

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Have you ever had a time in your life when it just seems so awful, that nothing worse could ever happen? You don't even look at the worst case scenarios because you're suffering so badly. You even start resenting people who are enjoying life, laughing and having a good time. It consumes you. Whether you're going through the worst breakup of your life or you have recently lost a loved one by death, the world seems like a very cruel place. It also can feel like a very lonely place, even if there are people who are there for you. "They couldn't possibly understand--they've never experienced this before--it's not the same--how dare they have a good time," runs through your mind. There will be people who will try to give you some comforting words, and it just comes off as insincere and cold -- but it's not. Some people are very uncomfortable trying to comfort someone else going through a turbulent time. They're doing their best. Forgive them. You

Psychological Projection

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How to handle a buncha' nuts... Years ago, we had a seminar at my place of work. My company hired two motivational speakers who came in and completely enlightened us on techniques about dealing with customers, especially difficult ones. I didn't think much of it because I immediately judged it to be this 'over-the-top' non-religious sermon on "YES-YOU-CAN-DO-IT" kinda jibber-jabber. But not even an hour into their spiel, I started to learn much more than I expected to. Keep in mind, this was a two week motivational course. They showed us how some people respond when dealing with circumstances that didn't please them, or didn't meet their needs -- or just crap they didn't want to hear or deal with. They taught you how to react if you received a call from an irate customer, or if you were dealing with an irrational or abusive jerk from hell. We were taught to never say, "I understand," because before you even say the second syllable of