Living Proof

The Courage to Change It's not about fear dissipating in order to feel better. It's overriding the fear itself with courage. Why didn't anyone tell me this for the past 30 years? I always thought that it was "courageous" to not feel the sensations of fear. If you were diagnosed with anxiety disorder, you know that the "disorder" is fearing the fear itself---a vicious cycle of feeling sensations in our involuntary functions that make us think that something is wrong. For instance, whenever we feel bodily sensations from anxiety, like palpitations or breathlessness, we think "heart attack." That one thought snowballs into panic mode, straight into feeling the need to call for medical help---'usually' in order to ease our minds. Once we get that clean bill of health, we may start more of a positive start for the first couple of weeks, until that "disorder" kicks in again with that one initial thought when a bodily sensation arise...

Anxiety & Derealization Panic attacks can often feel like you're losing control, or perhaps going to lose it and go crazy. Some experience derealization---a sense of a surreal world---as if you're in your own home, but it's a different place somehow. Many people are experiencing this derealization these days ever since the pandemic has come to a low simmer. I'm sure you know many people who don't go out as much---or at all. And once we step outside, it feels different---surreal---weird---foggy, right? It's not the same world, we think to ourselves. It doesn't feel like the same place. That's how people who suffer with agoraphobia feel. Long periods inside their home, or long periods avoiding places can make some feel as though they're in a different world altogether. I sometimes chuckle, because a lot of these 'spiritualists' on TikTok claim that the world ended in 2012 and that we are living in a different universe, which is why we feel ...

Identities  Successfully divided, whether you believe so or not. More and more people are only at the surfaced level---no God in their lives, no passions for anything in life and no pursuit for anything bigger than themselves. Many are okay with merely existing. And that's okay. We are here to exist, and that's our personal choice. Many of us are feeling hopeless about this world, but not realizing that we are not of this world. We are spirit beings---energy---that cannot be distinguished---even after we die. We have so much beyond this world. This world will fade away, but remember, heaven is forever.  "Heaven and earth will pass away, but My words will not pass away." --Matthew 24:35 So many people set their identities on what they do for a living, what kind of house they have or cars they own and who they choose to spend their life with. Your life is much more than these things. What if you have a "Job" moment---where God removes every single thing you ...

Now that the pandemic is over---and it is---(minus the fight against mandates and human rights) there are many people like myself, who are so worn out and disinterested in ever visiting your restaurant or establishment for fun. It would have to be more of a necessity---my car broke down and I was starving. "Oh look, there's a diner up ahead!" I've become indifferent to invitations to parties, events and even weddings and family holiday dinners. I've gotten so accustomed to eliminating people in my life, because the government told me so. The government told me to stay far, far away from people and places and things and....well, life. Zoom calls take place of my in person meetings. FaceTime with family and friends was fun at first, but offered a virtual sense of what it might be like if I were sitting in the same room with them.  Not the same. Every single weekend, we used to hold dinner parties, or go to a friend's dinner party. Sometimes we'd venture out...

"I'm Sorry." After the last couple of years, and whatever it is that you may be personally going through, it's especially important to use the word "no" more often. I love the expression, "you do you"----because it's true. You need to make yourself feel at peace, and comfortable with each choice you make. This goes for absolutely anything. If you don't want to attend a holiday party, then don't go. Graciously decline. If you're asked to do something that is out of your comfort zone, there is nothing wrong with the word, "no," followed by a thank you of course. Don't apologize either. I have a bad habit of saying, "I'm sorry, but I can't." I also say to a person who is waiting on us in a restaurant, "I'm sorry, but can I bother you for another cup of coffee?" That entire sentence speaks volumes about yourself (or myself in this case.) I was always made to feel bad about asking for help,...

There was a time when I thought, "Why are all these bad things happening to me all at once?" They heavy depression, the fierce anxiety that struck out of nowhere and wouldn't let up. I even had intense anger over things that were so minuscule---I couldn't figure it out. It was only a few months after I had lost my mom. I even remember it was the end of September. I was so desperate to connect with my mom. I wanted to know if she was okay. I knew in my heart that seeing a medium was a sin. Ok ok, well God will forgive me just this once... I used to live stream and do cooking shows, and also talk about mental health. We had a nice group in there. People could call in and talk about what they were going through and I would try to relate by sharing my experiences. Well, one night while on the live stream, someone said, "Why is someone calling Lola in the background?" (That's my dog.) I chuckled and said nervously, I have no clue. Then minutes later, another...

As much as I would love to be an optimistic person, grief never fully leaves. It may take a break here and there, but eventually, it'll show up at your door unannounced to remind you of the empty chair that'll be there during Thanksgiving. It'll remind you of that gnawing void inside you when Christmas Eve and New Year's comes rolling around. Don't even get me started on anniversaries and birthdays. New losses require a whole lotta' TLC. I remember my first everything without my mom and dad. Does it get better? I don't know. I just know it gets a bit different. Same pain, different game. I'm able to let my mom's legacy live on by making her famous recipes, or maybe just going to the same familiar places we used to go to.  Especially with the longer nights and shorter days upon us, we can start to feel much more heavy hearted. We turn to food, alcohol, and maybe even drugs. Many of us try to self-soothe ourselves with various vices. I have no advice f...