Living Proof

Have you ever felt that intense heaviness on your heart -- the type of pain that only exists when you lose a loved one or when the love of your life parts ways with you? Some say that a breakup is very similar to a death, except the other person is still out there choosing not to be apart of your life. For some, that can be the most painful thing in the world. I wrote about the broken heart syndrome before in this post . It's similar to what I feel happened to Debbie Reynolds and Carrie Fisher. The pain was too much for Debbie Reynolds to bear -- to see her daughter go before her. No parent should ever see their child go first. In that article, I also had spoken about my dad's passing and how I reacted to it. I kept getting severe chest pains. I finally had to be hauled away by the ambulance because I passed out. The EMT said, "I was the one who helped your father in his last days, you're going through the broken heart syndrome." And that was the first I have ...

One day you're here and the next day, you're not. You wouldn't know it because you've never experienced it, only people you once knew or loved have. Do you think life plays out like a movie and we're all the actors trying to fulfill our part? What makes a 15 year old kid decide to commit suicide by running into the wrong lane, ending up killing two healthy men who each had their own family at home? What explains a kid getting killed playing baseball in the park all because the pitcher threw the ball right into the middle of his chest giving him cardiac arrest? What explains a mother's loss of her child for no apparent reason whatsoever while taking a nap in his crib? What explains woman losing her husband to a heart attack at the age of 35? Is life one big test? What explains cancer? What explains suffering? What can explain the horrible things that go on in this world? Perhaps scientifically and medically we can explain it all, but our spirits are still ago...

On many occasions, I've heard that adapting to change is a sign of maturity, or perhaps becoming "wiser" in some aspects. The types of changes, such as a new job or a new relationship can seem exciting and fun, and for the most part it is. Changes such as moving from one home to a lesser home, divorce or even a death in the family are seen as the most stressful events in our lives. Those are huge changes. We have to adapt, or at least try. We have to learn to ride the storm out grudgingly. I call those the "downgrade changes". I remember when Madelene and I had to rent an apartment downtown. We had no backyard, old twisted up plumbing and a furnace older than the hills that kept spilling out carbon monoxide to which the utility company had to fine my landlord. That wasn't fun because the landlord used to get pissed off at me for reporting it. Well, it was either report it or die in my bed. Although there were a lot of frustrations with that place, there ...

Can you just imagine being a pregnant woman and deciding to take a beautiful stroll into the park because it was absolutely gorgeous outside? You decide to sit on a bench to rest and daydream about your future - to daydream about what your son or daughter will grow up to be or how you will raise him or her. Your thoughts are endless as the sun glistens down, shining through the trees making little golden circles around your feet. It's the perfect day. Perfect, until the 200 year old oak tree falls on top of you, crushing every bit of life you have left. This is what happened to a Queens woman the other day. The first 'fall-like' day and she decided to sit on a bench in the park. What makes someone come at the right place at the right time like that? Is it "right"? Is it God's plan? Stuff like that makes me wonder if it was all meant to be --- as if it was planned by God Himself. "Well, why would God do such a terrible thing like that?" Was it ...

This weekend was just incredible. I got to spend time with my family (on my wife's side) and celebrated a couple of birthdays. It was nice to see everyone, and many times, it was like, "How come we haven't gotten together more?" It was said more than enough times. We're too busy, we're doing 'this' and 'that' and then, something happens that brings it to a different level - a different perspective. I realized I've been missing out on a lot. With recent events that had taken place in my life, especially with Dad passing, I just sort of went into my shell and only let a select few people in if need be. I should have done the exact opposite - would have been healthier, but shoulda' woulda' coulda'. It's strange how things happen. Last night I was lying in bed wide awake with my mind racing. I had so many questions for God - like how did He let the bombing happen in Boston? Why did "He" have to take away a couple of ...

At times it's hard to decipher what's real and what's not. It's said that we only use 10% of our brain, which to me tells me there's so much power held in our little noggins that we haven't even tapped into yet. Is that the place that God lounges out in - our conscience - where our little angel and feisty devil sits together making all of our decisions for us?  Are dreams real? Do you believe we step out of our bodies and reach another world, or do you believe that it's just our subconscious telling us more than enough about ourselves in indirect ways? Another question: do you believe that deceased loved ones can talk to us in our dreams - like an actual visit? Or is that just our mind's way of mourning still? What about those psychic mediums on TV and others who claim to hear "dead people"? Some are right on target, but on TV, I usually suspect a little research about their victim is being done. Yes, I'm a skeptic, but not skeptical t...

Lately, I've been getting random anonymous comments on a blog post entitled, " Is Homosexuality a Perversion ". It happens late at night where I get a notification of someone leaving a comment on my blog. I have a tracker that tells me where they found my website. This person in particular Googled "is homosexuality a perversion" and found my site. It's the same person because they are all from the same town in Missouri. Anonymous writes: "You can't reconcile a Christian lifestyle and a homosexual one. Homosexuals choose to practice perversion. The confusion lies in the distinction between a good friend with whom you have an emotional bond and someone you have sex with. People are confused and perverted. I know that a lot of people accept this lifestyle in this day and age, but that does not make it right. The vast majority of Germans agreed with Adolf Hitler in the 30s, and we all know how that ended up. I'm not comparing homosexuality to H...

Are you one of those people who absolutely hates the thought of change - even miniscule things, like a simple routine altered, new furniture, or even Facebook’s new timeline? I’ve never seen so many people say, “I hate this” when anything changes - and then weeks or months later, they’re used to it (accepted it) and cultivated to the new way. Isn’t that much like life itself? I’ve been thinking a lot about it lately and how life has changed so drastically from just a few years ago. For a while, I was in denial, trying to hold onto something that has already passed me by. When we hold on too tightly, the more it slips out through your fingers. I received an email the other day from this full moon website. It tells you the phases of the moon and other interesting info regarding it. The email read, “A short thought on the subject of 'forgetting'. Normally, it is looked at as being negative – you suppress, you lose, you miss … At the same time, there has to be something salutary ...

Within the past couple of weeks, I’ve been learning a lot about myself in terms of spiritually, emotionally and even physically. First, I realized my spirituality was pretty much numbed after finding out how terminally ill my dad was. It was almost like a rebellious thing - “how can you do this God” type of mindset, but thankfully I got past that. I even cursed God and thinking in the back of my mind, “Wow, that’s really gonna screw my chances of getting inside those pearly gates.” But like a child (which God wants us all do to) I begged for forgiveness and received mercy. I started diligently being persistent in my prayer and meditation - and overall, just talking to God as if He was standing right next to me. I started to notice changes taking place in me. For one, I had no fear of anything. I lived in the “now” and forgot about my past and didn’t think too much about my future. Each time I focused on my past or future, it screwed up my “today”. My ‘quick fixes’ and adrenaline jun...

It’s hard for some people to show their faith in God. Some feel it’s a sign of weakness or that they’ll think others will assume they’ve gone mad, especially those who truly believe in God, but are ashamed to show it -- even to God Himself. These past few weeks have been especially difficult for my dad. He’s lost all hope. His demeanor went from somewhat hopeful to doom & gloom from to his pain, fatigue and constant battle with his illness. My mom keeps saying, “Pray to God” , but the emptiness in his eyes glazes over her suggestion and his head goes back down, staring at the floor again. He’s also been battling with his faith in God. He asked, “How can God do this to me?” Yesterday while he was pacing back and forth with anxiety, my mother said, “Go inside your room and pray!” And to my surprise, he said, “I’m gonna try, Ro...I’m really gonna try.” About an hour later, he came outside where we were sitting and my mother asked, “Did you pray?” He put his head down and then ...