Living Proof

Years ago, I suffered from chronic pain. Some doctors called it "degenerative disc disease" while other physicians referred it to "fibromyalgia." They couldn't quite pinpoint what was wrong with me and why I was experiencing such excruciating pain. They admitted me to the hospital for a week to do some testing for autoimmune diseases and other possible diagnoses, to only come up with "myalgia." I guess it's another word for, "We don't know, but we're gonna slap a label on it." During that time, I also developed an ulcer due to all of the NSAIDS (ibuprofen) I was taking to relieve some of the pain. They also gave me Percocet, but it didn't work quite as well as the anti-inflammatories. I had no choice because my stomach would suffer. When I realized I was developing a dependency on the pills, I weaned off and tried smoking weed, which did nothing except make me high and hungry. I never understood why people used it for pain. ...

Too much for the mind... Some say that when you reach your 40's, you're wiser and more spiritually in tune. Some believe you need to reach the age of 40 in order to read the Torah, otherwise the words will never be fully understood. They say it would be too much for the mind to handle. For me, I believe it's more of a spiritual sense whether you've developed it like a muscle or if you were truly blessed to reach that level of understanding. I guess for years I was more of a closet spiritual person, more of a closet Christian. Not to say that I was ashamed of my religion, but I didn't want to bump heads with anyone who believed differently than I did until I was well into my adulthood. At that point, I didn't care. I didn't care if people thought I was a "crazy Christian" or some kook who just had hallucinations of God Himself. It's funny, because I have friends that ask me a million questions about my beliefs and how to read the bible to wh...

Ever see one of those posts people plop onto Facebook where it says someone you may know may have an invisible disability of some sort? Most of it is like, anxiety, depression, fibromyalgia or other chronic and sometimes debilitating ailments. As I've written many times before about my dysmenorrhea, I've gotten to the point where I can no longer live with it any longer. These days, it's not only the pain from dysmenorrhea, it triggers my sciatica pain as well. Double whammy. I am not willing to give up 2-3 days of my life per month (which is when the pain is excruciating) in order to nurse this condition or end up in the hospital with Dilaudid -- a medicine ten times stronger than morphine. The main side effect: death from respiratory depression. At that point of pain, you're begging for death. The other night, I watched the clock slip hour by hour as I screamed in pain. 10 o'clock...11 o'clock...1 o'clock...4 o'clock. Madelene finally said, "Let...

Every fall it feels like a new start. Maybe it has to do with imprints of my past childhood when I started school every September, but this year it feels a bit different. This past summer was absolutely torturous, being in and out of the hospital with stomach bleeding and excruciating back pain. Finally, I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. My pain is very minimal, manageable and sometimes, not even present. My stomach feels as though it has healed nicely since I quit NSAIDs and had a therapy of stomach medications and antibiotics. I feel back to "me" again and I thank GOD for it. I even went out dancing the other night in three inch heels. (I know I know, that's pushing it, but damn it felt good!) I even ventured out to my friend's' BBQ, where all of our buddies from high school gathered around and had a blast. One friend commented, "Damn Deb! We haven't seen you since before the summer, glad you're finally here and not in your assign...

The little things in life are sometimes the biggest things we should be grateful for.  And I am, (however), I seem to lack my gratitude when my pain kicks into high gear -- any type of pain whether it be physical or emotional. I'm only human. In my deepest agony, I fail to see the joys in life, like watching my puppy swim and play in her little pool to cool off, appreciating a phone call from an old friend, a gorgeous sunrise God gives to me every morning, watching thunderstorms rumble through the valley and long conversations over coffee with my wife. I've been focusing on the negatives, noticing what's not there instead, like a new updated oven (it's like the Shoemaker without any shoes if you ask me), a bathroom that needs to be redone entirely, unfinished projects that have stopped due to 'busyness' and of course, my inability to be proactive because of my chronic pain. There are mornings where I can't even wash dishes, cook breakfast for Mad or ...

What a waste of $$$.  On and off, it seems to come in waves and then leaves as quickly as it came. I've never experienced this sort of chronic pain in all my life. Thankfully, this morning I woke up with "tolerable" pain, but was able to walk and do my daily routine. When speaking to my doctor, the only answer was Percocet. He even advised that I double up on the stuff, leaving me zoned out like some zombie - a lifeless lump of wasted space on the sofa. Madelene asked if I wanted to go to the hospital and stay there for pain management. What's the point? I can do that here now with all the oxycodone, oxycontin, oxy-whatevers that the hospital threw at me, hoping to get me out of their room for the next patient. I tried the "holistic" path, medicinal marijuana. At first, it seemed to have taken the pain away momentarily, and it helped me sleep, but that paranoid-I'm-gonna-freak-the-hell-out side effect started to kick in. Not only did it start to give...

The theme of this month has been brought to you by PAIN. And with its unknown or 'guessed' diagnosis', I'm officially calling it bullshit. Lower back pain. Keepin' it simple. It's slowly fading off into a tolerable type of pain, but nonetheless. The only thing that makes me tolerable, is the good ol' herb I've been counting on for when the ibuprofen doesn't quite cut it. This is my nightstand. It holds two or three essential needs for my evening and morning 'lockups'. I think it should be prescribed as an antidepressant, pain reliever, and medication for sleeping disorders. Maybe it already has in other states.   In other news, I have a lot of work to do on my cooking blog, trying to reduce inflammation and pain (as well as trying to lose weight) with the Paleo diet. I was unable to maintain the diet while I was plastered to my bed with a locked up back, but I'm back baby. I've been buying grass fed USDA organic beef and making thes...

As I sit here and type, every joint in my fingers, hands, arms are going 'clickity-click-click'. I've been having joint pain really bad lately. It then progressed into my elbows, spine, legs, knees, ankles, toes - you get my drift. I found myself literally stuck in my bed screaming for help one morning. But let me just backtrack to last Friday. My sister came over with her two adorable dogs, which Lola goes nuts for. They're now a little 'pack'. My sis (being the little athlete she is) runs all three dogs up our incredibly hilly driveway and into the woods. Lola. loves. it. Anytime I say, "Is Aunt Carla coming over?" She'll immediately jump up and look for her out on the deck. As we were watching the dogs play together, we decided to take the little party over back to my sister's house. After a few cocktails, I found myself having the guts to walk the trails with my sister and the three dogs. Not only did I overexert myself because I haven...