Living Proof

Some people believe that forgiveness is just a verbal confirmation of "we're okay"---"we're good," until later down the road, the offense has been brought up again by the person who was hurt. Most likely, the person who holds all the resentment and bitterness will usually regurgitate the offense over and over throughout the relationship. They truly believe they have forgiven that person, yet they keep reminding them about what they've done in the past. That's not forgiveness. Remember the saying, "forgive and forget?" The forgetting part is hard, I know---but the concept of "forgetting" is about never bringing up the one thing that hurt you to the person who begged for forgiveness. See, when we bring up the offense, that's bitterness coming out. Imagine eating something bitter. That's the face you'll make when you bring up a past offense. Think about it. Truth is, you'll probably never forget that 'offens...

Do things from the heart. Try not to remind people what you've done for them or what you expect out of them because you went out of your way. Giving without expectation is a mindset, and for some, it just comes naturally. The more you expect, the more disappointment will come into your life. Not everyone is a "giver" and not everyone needs to hear all of your good deeds, even if they were done with good intentions. In the book of Proverbs, it says, "Let someone else praise you, not your own mouth -- a stranger, not your own lips." Fact remains, nobody is obligated to do anything, or do anything in return for something that wasn't asked for. When you give -- give with all of your heart. Many people try seeking approval by doing good things for other people, but it's only revealed once that person is angry over "doing this" or "doing that" for "so-and-so".  The "good deed" has now become a burden and the person is...

How sad is this message above?  It's not the first time I have seen the above message or something similar posted onto someone's social media account. I remember being this person. I remember the fear of trusting again, or at least, being vulnerable enough to let someone back into my life. And like it says, "behind every fake smile is a backstabber" -- that alone, when you truly believe that with every person you come across, you automatically limit your life experiences. I love that old saying, "Bitterness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." Holding resentment blocks every energy channel you have. It prevents you from living a fulfilling life. I'm not just saying this to 'seem wise' or to pretend I'm some sort of spiritual guru because I'm not -- I can only speak from experience. I once shut the doors, the windows, the blinds on every. single. person. in. my. life. for a very long time. I went through terr...

Have you ever spent time with someone who's just incredibly bitter at the world, that once you've separated from them, you kind of feel that same bitterness yourself? It definitely rubs off sometimes. There's a huge difference between someone who is going through terrible circumstances in life and someone who is just a chronic complainer of life in general. Everyone is to blame and they take no accountability for their actions whatsoever. And don't get me wrong, I'm no stranger when it comes to bitching about something or someone -- I just can't imagine doing this for no other reason than to start up a conversation about something... anything . For the most part, many people feel it's a funny thing to be bitter, especially those who twist it into a 'joking around' type of thing. And sometimes it is. But when does it come to the point when you realize that all you do is complain about other people? Or do you even notice it? I'm friends with ...

We weren't your typical everyday Italian/Catholic family. We held all the traditions of a typical New York Italian family, like the smells of dinner being prepared at 8am and dinner served by 2pm on a Sunday afternoon. We went through the motions of ceremonial rituals of a typical Catholic family: CCD, communions and confirmations, but rarely attended mass because those Sunday dinners were started way too early. We were always taught about God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit, but we weren't bashed over the heads with bibles. We were taught right from wrong, but like any normal kid, two wrongs always equaled a "right". Kinda still does till this day. I remember grandma giving the "evil eye", and then telling us to always forgive one another. Sometimes Mom and Dad would fight about something. Dad would throw something against the wall and then Mom would be in another room in complete silence pretending to sleep. He never hurt her or any one of us, but he had outb...

Life. Strange. Mysterious. Complicated. Surreal. Some people have all the "luck" in the world, while others suffer so terribly. I always think of that song, " Only the Good Die Young"  by Billy Joel and I have to wonder, is it true? Even with fairness overall -- (to which I just had this conversation with Mark , a fellow blogger), why is it that there are people who work 12 hr shifts 8 days a week, while some wealthy guy sits back and collects inherited millions? Hard work. What is hard work? There are some people who have quit school and gone to work making more than the person who went to college for over 4 years with the desired career of choice. It's not about "fairness" -- it's all about our choices. We make our choice and yes, you can say, "Well I didn't choose to be poor, no one will hire me!" And of course, the wealthy man collecting inheritance money could say, "Well I didn't choose this either, but I'm sure as ...

If there is one thing I have learned in all of my, umm, 29 years is this: never expect anything from anyone. I don't mean to think less of someone else's abilities to do something for you, but never expect what may seem "appropriate" or what someone "should do" ---- they're not you. They can't read minds and if you don't tell them what you need, they may never know. "Well, he/she should know." --Not acceptable. People have these high expectations for others, which sometimes can be seen as unreachable or unobtainable, and it's not fair because that one person being mentally battered hasn't got a clue of what's brewing. For instance, and this one is not a huge deal, but my dad had a long time friend for years who had stopped calling once he passed away. Mom piped in, "Well he should have called by now."  But if you look at it in a different view, maybe he's taking it much harder than we realize. Granted, yes,...

"Well it can't be all that bad since you've gone out a couple of times this week," she texted, while trying to prove a point that I was miraculously and emotionally healed just by going out for a bite to eat (and drink) with either my mom or my wife at the local bar and grill. Did she just expect me to sit home and cry for another six months or so? Would that prove to her that my love for my father was genuine? My friend was very angry, bitter and very sad over a few things. She's going through a horrible divorce after an abusive marriage and her dog just got hit by a car and didn't make it. She is self-medicating heavily, and dangerously I might add. She continued on with her rant... "I've been drinking and popping xanax from morning till night not getting out of bed for nearly a week because of my sadness between my divorce and my dog. My dog wasn't just a pet, he was my world." My response was, "I'm so sorry you're feeling...

The other day, someone called me a “pushover” just because I forgave someone too quickly. Without getting into much detail about it, if I hadn’t had the ability to forgive that person, or to let it go, then I’d be the one with the problem. For instance, I truly believe this person did not realize what they had said - or it was just something that normally flew out of their mouth from time to time. If you look at it like this - say I don’t forgive this person - this person walks away and never thinks about the “offense”, while I sit there brewing maybe for days, weeks or even months. Maybe I’ll have it in the back of my head for life. You never know. For me, once I forgive someone, it’s forgotten. This same person who called me a “pushover” also brought up an argument I had with a mutual friend. She asked, “What happened that time when ‘so & so’ started in with you?” I sat there...thinking...thinking and thinking. I truly had forgotten. Don’t get me wrong, forgiveness doesn’t nec...

There’s always going to be people who hate you for whatever reason, critics who tear you apart, bone by bone and those who simply judge you without taking a second glance at their own life. It’s especially difficult to ignore it if it’s somebody you care about or love. It’s easy to brush aside the ones who are just in a mediocre standing in your life. Depending on your mind’s ability to flush out the toxins, it can either make you or break you. To be honest, I haven’t quite learned a perfect way of flushing these evil spirits, but at times, God gives me the understanding and discernment to realize their motives and reasonings for it all. Sometimes it’s rational and other times, it’s just erratic and uncalled for. The one common denominator: it’s out of “my” control. If you don’t like the way I do A. B. or C. - I can’t convince you that I’m doing it to the best of my ability. If you think my “X” looks bad today, I’m not going to make excuses or tell you that you’re wrong for thinking so...

It wasn’t too long ago when all I wanted to do was hide from the world. I wanted to disappear where nobody could find me. I did it because too many people disappointed me. I developed this irrational, unhealthy fear of people, more so because of their actions and most of all , because of their possible rejection. It didn’t matter if it was work related or in my social life - I feared people. As I've said in previous posts, I pushed people away. I kept friends at arm’s length. I didn’t trust anyone. Then one day I finally realized that there are way too many people to hide from. Just because a select few had disappointed me, insulted me, or perhaps rejected me - I felt the same thing would run its course again, and I would get hurt as a result. I then brushed myself off and started to let people in again, this time fully acknowledging that “this person” may do the same thing to me as “that person”. But, most importantly: they’re not the same people. The circumstances, the situatio...

Isn’t it funny how some people view us? Have you ever thought what someone thought of you, whether it be a friend, acquaintance or merely just someone who knew who you were? It’s amazing to see the truth seep out by the words they say to others. I think everything-- every wall, every room, every source of information on the internet all have “ears”. And what I mean by that is: whatever you say to someone about somebody else, will eventually trickle into the ear of the person you have spoken about. It never fails. During the past couple of years, I have heard so many stories about “who I was” or “how poor or rich” they assumed me to be, as well as other well fabricated stories that went through mouths-to-ears and back around again a million and one times. Some of the stories are downright hysterical. Hey, let em’ think what they want. At first, I was bothered by what others thought about me, but now, I am highly entertained because each story is so different from another. Where do ...

There comes a time in our lives when we truly have to take a little bitterness overload inventory check and realize that all of these emotions are just plain useless. Just to be more clear and not so full of ‘deep hidden messages’, a close friend of mine is going ---wait---- has been through a breakup. Haven’t we all? The thing is, this breakup occurred two whole years ago. She is still going through it - --by herself. And what I mean by that is, she continually speaks badly about this person as though he was still in her life. He’s gone. He has not been in her life for two. whole. years. I listen and I try to help the best I can, but why waste all of your energy referring to him anytime a negative topic comes up? Immediately she throws his name right into the mix. Why? Let it go. Those words, “let it go” is so easy for so many people to say to someone, isn’t it? We mourn for too long. We let our emotions linger endlessly for the average heart, which leaves us bitter and...