Living Proof

Sometimes I feel like the word "forgiveness" is overused, or perhaps misplaced at times. For instance, forgiveness not only means pardoning an offense, but it also means to pardon certain behaviors or personality types. To be completely honest, I find myself having a hard time connecting with certain people---which doesn't mean it's all their fault. I place blame on my view of them, their behavior or maybe a clash in opinions and beliefs. It all depends. In the past, I have had a couple of friends who were just bluntly honest to a flaw. I remember this one time, we were all having dinner at a local restaurant and bar. We were talking about our passions in life, mine being art, writing and music, and the other people were very passionate about exercising and going to the gym. They were in super tiptop shape! I admired their dedication to their health. For me, I've never really cared if I was 'thick' or overweight. I mean, granted I'd like to lose wei...

You can probably scroll through my entire website and find an article or two similar to this one. I guess it's something I speak about often only because it rears its ugly head again and again. At this point in my life, I just want uncomplicated and pleasant friendships with no hidden agendas, or jealousy or some sort of underlining anger. I also want to say that I'm not easily offended, unless it happens more than a dozen times. Then I'm at my boiling point, where the comebacks or even downright insults (proverbial slaps in the face) come rising up to the surface. Simple rule of mine: be nice to me and I'll be nice to you. But I keep finding people who are just...not very nice. I'm very observant to the possible causes and can empathize. But I could never randomly hurt someone, or insult them, even if I didn't particularly care for them. It's not how I work. But when someone presses my buttons more often than not, I tend to be a little more blunt, perha...

They say that if you don't like something about yourself or about your situation, then change it. Sometimes, it's easier said than done, and other times, it's just a matter of whose opinion is affecting your thought process. I can give you several examples. I love coffee, but I have insomnia. The logical answer would be to quit my caffeine intake, but it makes me happy in the morning (or afternoon if I went to bed at 5am.) Mainstream and medical opinion is "you should lose weight." Sounds healthy, right? My inside numbers: 110/70 bp, 210 cholesterol (not too shabby) and hormone levels, thyroid gland, every other organ in perfect shape. I run up and down the stairs 100 times a day, can lift fairly heavy things and still have my breath. Not too bad for 43 years old. I have no issue with my 'lumps & bumps' but sometimes other people do. So is that my problem or their problem? If I feel comfortable being "me" and being happy regardless if I...

There's a fine love between love and hate. Love can quickly turn into hate, as well as hate turning into love. Are they one in the same, or do you truly think someone can "hate" on someone without some sort of feeling of sadness, (loss of the friendship or relationship) or a deep admiration for them? And what I mean is this: when somebody falls indifferent towards you, doesn't that imply a lack of interest? Which is worse? A deep seated hatred for someone ( why ) or a true lack of interest -- an uncaring feeling toward someone else? Hatred implies that there are underlining feelings -- or unresolved issues brewing. About ten years ago, I had a falling out with a friend of mine. We were working on the same project together, so it was more work-related. She was talented, intelligent, funny and very compassionate. We disagreed on something so strongly, that one day it just tore our friendship apart. And although I had less respect for her stance in something th...

If I had to say one thing about my friends, I would definitely consider them to be my chosen family. When I bring someone into my life -- or better yet -- when someone chooses to spend their time with me, I never take it for granted. Just like a relationship, I always try to seek out a lifetime friend. Of course you're either going to get 'for a reason, a season or a lifetime' -- and that's okay. People that come into our lives are meant to either teach us a lesson, to help us in times of trouble or to simply make you laugh and smile for however long. And as we grow older, that whole "BFF" thing sort of takes a left turn to Albuquerque. It's okay to have that once a month friend (and no I'm not referring to Flo), and it's okay to pick up where you left off after 6 months of not seeing one another. I have friends that I haven't seen in almost a year, where I can talk to them this very minute and it feels like just yesterday. That's what I...

Recently, a friend had written a post entitled, " A Twelve Step " which spoke about addictive friendships/relationships and I wanted to expand on it through my own experiences. Let's use some fun clichés first: "No two people are alike", "each person is like a snowflake, unique in their own way" - true true true, blah blah blah. But there is a common denominator among unhealthy relationships, and that being the addictive part. Like in an intimate relationship, the break up to make up scenario is one I think we all have been through. We hate em', we love em', then we hate em' again. It definitely takes two to mingle and two to really brawl. I am grateful that my wife is the polar opposite of me. She defuses when I'm up in arms. After seeing her calmness, that alone calms me. I'm learning through her how to be calm. It's really not in my nature, but I try. When you have two people who are friends or in a relationship, who ha...

Yesterday morning while cleaning up and getting ready to head out, I was listening to Joel Osteen as I usually do.  I flip back to Joyce Meyer when he has nothing updated on his app - but he is my absolute favorite. Anyway, he was talking about waste in our lives and how all the crap we go through is basically "fertilizer", which will eventually bloom new flowers so to speak. The "stinky stuff" in our lives will manifest beautiful outcomes in due time. And without the fertilizer, nothing positive will grow. Makes sense. Great analogy, I thought. Every aspect of our lives has these growth periods, whether it's work related, relationship issues or family struggles - we all have these ruts we fall into that we think won't ever change. I used to throw in the towel way too soon with every single thing in my life that gave me a challenge. I didn't want to deal with it, plain and simple. But, when I stuck it out and learned that my faith alone will push me fo...

I know I wrote something similar before, but it continues to just haunt me. Just to give you an idea, I'm going to tell a little story. I remember this girl I used to work with. We'd go to lunch with a bunch of other girls from the office. It quickly turned into happy hours every Friday night. It was a lot of fun, and yes, it was sort of cliquish, but we genuinely enjoyed one another's company. The conversations were endless and the laughter, infectious, but for some reason, I could not bear to hear too much of what this girl used to ramble on about. We'll just call her, "Michelle". There was one particular evening when we went out to Friday's in northern New Jersey. We all sat at the bar to grab some dinner and I was sitting right next to her. A newbie joined us, to which I was glad because in my mind, it's the more the merrier type of thing. Apparently, I come to find out she is not liked at all by Michelle, although she smiled and said hello to ...

Friendships shouldn't be so complicated. They shouldn't have the dynamics of an intimate relationship because friendship is purely platonic, well some. Have you ever found yourself in one of those "platonic friendships" that felt too much intensity - almost feeling as though you were smack dab in a full fledge relationship? You think to yourself, "Well, something's definitely not right here…" Thing is, there are females who develop these friendships that are nothing more than platonic, but due to their insecurities as a woman, they feel the need to somehow tear down the other friend, possibly making them feel bad about themselves with the excuse of, "Well, I'm only trying to help." Some people feel that their friends reflect them, so if a "suggestion" is thrown their way, it's to only better their own needs and desires to make that friend "perfect" - making them feel, "perfect" in some warped way or anoth...