Living Proof

Have you ever heard, "You're not alone," when you're going through problems or maybe just depressed? I just think -- wow, there must be a billion-gazillion-wazillion people roaming around the earth right now and there's not one person to go to for help, or to talk to, or maybe just to vent to. I mean, realistically, there is, but how realistic is it to call up one of your friends and say, "Ugh, I am having a hard time." Generally speaking, I just imagine the other person on the phone thinking, "Umm, yeah me too. Deal with it." So, I don't call people about my bullshit because people have enough of it of their own. Nobody's life is "easy" -- 'n I don't care if you think they do diddly squat all day -- it's not. Sometimes when you're in a larger family, especially full of women like myself, telling one person is the same as blasting it out on a megaphone in Times Square. I know a few friends who sometimes blas...

They did a census that discovered that 80% of people admitted to self-medicating themselves with alcohol due to stress, and the other 20% lied. About 5 years ago, I did a 90 day "clean out" and went to AA for support. My moderated drinking had turned out to be moderation at first, but I was quite the weekend warrior and I needed it to stop. So, I shuffled into some church basement and sat amongst longtime veterans who have been sober for 20+ years, and some who only were sober for the past 12 hours or so. I remember one lady who befriended me. She was only there for a month or so. She would drink a couple of glasses of wine while she cooked dinner for her family and during dinner, she'd have 1 or 2. I'm sitting there thinking, "Okay, who forced you to come here?" To me, that just seems like nothing. Then I thought, there's approximately 3-4 glasses of wine in a bottle, so…maybe it is something? Maybe she just needs a bigger glass? She was raising 4 kid...

Ah, Wednesday morning, the birds are chirping, the kids are outside laughing and playing while waiting for the bus and the goddam neighbor is putting up drywall in the apartment next to me. I’ve been battling with chronic fatigue syndrome for the past three weeks now and it has affected my work and play a great deal. Saturday I had a nice little break from this foggy feeling and was able to mingle with my friends. Come Sunday, Monday and Tuesday, I was a total dishrag. In fact, every single muscle in my body ached and my thoughts were scrambled as if I sucked down an entire bottle of cough medicine. Some would call it depression or (SAD) Seasonal Affective Disorder, but I’m going to go with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Yes, I have officially diagnosed myself. I’ve been working on a few projects at one time and I’m not much of a multitasker. My personal diagnosis of ADD tells me this. Or could it be a mere “disinterest”? Who the hell knows - everything is so damn vague these day...