Living Proof

Friday evening I went to bed fairly early. I was tired from the week, and I needed rest. Finally, after going into a deep slumber, I woke up to loud screaming. My air conditioner was off because it was a cool night, so I could hear everything in the neighborhood. Now, I was never one to complain about a party next door. I’m becoming one of those lil' old biddies that gripe about the fun other kids are having next door. But, this scenario was quite different. In fact, I enjoy it when I hear my young neighbors next door having fun, holding huge parties and listening to their music. Geez, but my age, my music taste should have changed by now, but I find myself relating to them more than I’d like to. 12am: Party is hoppin’, kids are talking amongst themselves and laughing. I love the sound of laughter—it’s the greatest thing. 1am: The party is starting to get louder. This time, there was no music, and it sounded as though there were much more people involved. Cars packed...

Well the Trojan finally hit me. No, not that…the virus that eats up your computer. I was in my hotmail account, and opened up an email that appeared to be from a friend of mine. Then all these alert messages were flaring at me, “Your computer has a virus! Adware and Spyware have been added to your system!” Needless to say, the pop-up ads were coming up more than my heartburn. Amy has been kind enough to lend me her laptop, until mine is repaired. She uses a Mac. I’m so lost on this thing. I’m opening up things I shouldn’t, and possibly popping up on all her friend’s messenger services. I didn’t think a computer could be so much different than another. I’d like to do a little “Mac bashing” right now, but I have to be a little more grateful that I’m sitting here typing anything at all. So thank you, Amy. After trying to fix the bug myself (ha!!!) I finally brought it into the experts. They called me up today to tell me I forgot to give them the power chord to my laptop. Great...

About nine years ago, Madelene and I were on the hunt for a new condo or apartment to rent. It was slim pickings, because everything was way too small, and way too expensive. After months of rummaging through the classifieds, we saw that there was a condo for rent a bit upstate. We decided to take a look. Now don’t get me wrong, there were shopping plazas and other ‘civilization’ out there, but more farmland than anything. The owner of the complex showed us an open unit for rent. You know when you walk into a place, you immediately feel ‘home’? That’s how it was. I automatically knew that this was the one. This was the place I was going to put my feet up, have a martini or five, and get away from everything and everyone. I was ‘home’. The décor was mostly a southwestern theme. The kitchen had a beautiful island with a bar on the other side, so you can place stools there. (Of course I’d want my place to look like a pub, right?) No, this was really nice, and it let your guests talk to y...

Back in blogworld, but I’m feeling a little weak. I won’t get into the gory details, but I was living a life of bed, bath, and way beyond the bowels of limitations. Can I tell you how sick I am of water and Gatorade right now? Can I tell you how annoying it is to keep running to the loo every two minutes? Can I also tell you how scary it was for Madelene to witness my delirium while I had a high fever? I think I saw Jesus again. I have this bad habit of looking things up online to find ‘what can be the problem’ , when I’m fully aware that Madelene brought this nasty bug home from her stuffy office full of a hundred hens. Don’t even attempt to do this, without the thought of some wacky website trying to fill your mind with the possibilities of numerous diseases. This is so bad for an OCD driven hypochondriac like myself. “OH MUY GAAWD! Mad---look! Look at what this says I might have!!!” “Deb, you have a bug that I caught from work. It’ll pass…” She reminds me, in her calm, ‘everythin...

Unfortunately, Madelene and I both came down with a stomach virus. We're both very sick, which is why I haven't been posting lately. But please check out Dawn's site called, " Queercents ", as she interviewed my partner and I regarding our finances and current situation. It's a fascinating sight that deals with financial issues geared towards the GLBT communtiy. Visit Queercents here ! Back to bed. It's 4:30 am here, I woke up shaky with a fever of 101... If you're interested in being my personal nurse , please leave your crudentials in my comment section. Thanks!

I’m disturbed. Quite frankly, I’m angry at these intelligent advertisers who can get away with absolutely anything. Just like a car dealership, they advertise, “Pay no money down and drive off the lot today! Don’t bring your checkbook!” When in fact, your check book is needed. You need to pay tax as well as DMV fees on the spot—which is understandable. But don’t tell me to leave my checkbook at home…because I will. They also use, “GM Clearance Sale” , which you would normally think, “Oh, GM is a good product, let’s go!” No. It’s “general manager’s” clearance sale. On top of that, the girl advertised in the bikini straddling the car doesn’t even come with the deal… Fraud! (Sorry to the person who I know working in the dealership—but I had to let the public know about these shenanigans.) Off to more important matters. Fish. I’m a huge fan of the Chilean sea bass. I love it. Think of it as a huge scallop, but in a non-shellfish form. It’s delicious, it’s scrumptious, and it’s fricken e...

While talking to an old friend yesterday, I was reminded of all the times we shared. Stacy and I knew each other since we were thirteen years old. Back then, I had two quads and one trike. (ATVs) We used to hop on my quad and venture through the thick woods of the Appalachian trails. We were fearless; no thoughts of ‘what if we ran out of gas’ , or ‘what if we saw a bear’ . We traveled miles and miles to get to nowhere. As soon as the neighborhood kids had seen that I had all these fun toys, I noticed them getting them as well. When I was around sixteen, my adventures turned into wild parties. Summer nights, we would all gather around this big tower on top of the mountain at 8pm. We then made our way to the sandpits to build a huge bonfire. When the sun went down, it was always fascinating to drive through the woods while our bright headlights showed the way. There were always cases of beer strapped behind our quads. That was a given. We partied till hours of the night. It’s one of the...

When you’re in the spotlight like Oprah Winfrey , it’s hard to get away from paparazzi who will publish absolutely anything and everything they can get their hands on. It’s a huge business for the tabloids to receive incoming news of someone ‘coming out of the closet’ or some big star having a hot steamy affair. It not only hit tabloids and other ‘entertaining smut magazines’ , but it has also trickled into the news. They first speculated Oprah was gay just because she made an appearance on The Ellen DeGeneres Show . Come on, is that ridiculous or what? Many celebrities have appeared on Ellen, but it doesn’t mean that they are homosexuals. “Since my appearance on the Ellen show, there have been rumors circulating that I'm gay. I've addressed this on my show, but the rumor mill still churns...The latest development in the rumor saga is that I'm supposed to be doing a coming-out interview with a major news magazine. I'm not." ~Oprah Rumor has it that Oprah’s lover...

Typically I don’t do this kind of weather. I wait for the cooler temps to sweep the city so I can head out and actually breathe. Anything beyond 95 degrees, you’ll know where you find me…indoors. I don’t do ‘hot and humid’ or the three H’s---hot, humid and hazy. “Smog alert! Please drink lots of water and check on the elderly in your buildings and/or neighborhoods! Also, try not using your air conditioning so we can conserve electricity!” What? Turn OFF our a/c units? Are you out of your fricken mind? We’re sweating bullets up in our apartments, and the newscaster has the audacity to advise us to conserve electricity. Okay, let me go and shut a light off! For the love of God, it’s a sauna in here! It always makes me chuckle when the weatherman says, “We got a hot one in store for you! It’s gonna feel like pea soup out there!” Ick. Need I say more? I had to cancel all my appointments and call it a day. “But Deb, your car is air conditioned and wherever you go, it should be cool inside...

Oy. It’s been exactly one year today when I first started blogging. I even used emoticons on my first post! I started blogging after I wrote my first book, so that I could keep up with it. Either something would happen to me, and I’d bitch and moan about it, or just vent about my life…which many people do. I wrote, and I wrote, and I wrote, and not one comment. I never knew people were reading my stuff until I put a sitemeter on. I started visiting other blogs, and realized that there were many talented writers pouring their hearts out. I had to comment, because some of the material I read out there was just amazing. I always thought having a ‘personal diary’ online, was sort of juvenile; something a teeny-bopper would do. Blogging opened my eyes up to a whole new world of amateur and professional writing. I’ve met so many wonderful people through this forum, and I have read some incredible experiences that others go through. I was quite surprised of how many people shared such intimat...

A bundle of nerves piled up into a nest of static energy. That’s how I’ve been feeling lately. Left over emotions piled on top of freshly new ones have me whisked away at the bar drinking the rest of the owner’s Ketel One martinis. “I thought I put two ahead on the top shelf here…” The owner mumbles. “No, it’s that big haired girl sitting in the corner with her fifth martini, Bob.” The bartender says, as he glares over at me to see if I’m still ‘upright’ on my stool. Naw, it’s not that bad. I’m just stressed out like anybody else—but I somehow seem to manifest it in different ways. They always say never tell what your anxiety attack symptoms are like, because chances are, people who listen to you will develop the same things. So I’m not going to list any symptoms or what I go through. Let’s just say it’s the old fashioned panic attack that plagues me lately. Deb needs a solution. Deb seeks Reiki treatments. Don’t ask me why I’m writing like a nursery school book here. Reiki treatment...

It amazes me to see unhappy people butting into the lives of others who are trying to obtain their own happiness. For example, Suzy tries to tell her friend that Jessie’s new boyfriend sounds completely ‘wrong’ for her. “Well, he’s totally stuck on himself and has baggage. You just got out of a relationship like that. Why do you want to put yourself back in the same place you were?” “But Suzy, you haven’t even met him yet, and besides, everybody has their own issues to deal with. No one’s perfect.” Jessie says, as she tries to figure out why Suzy is trying to convince her that her new boyfriend has red flags sticking out of his ears. Our friends are there for us. They should be more accepting and have an opened mind when it comes to their friend finally finding someone special. It’s safe to say that Suzy probably has some concerns due to what Jessie told her about him. So he has a little baggage, an ex-girlfriend who doesn’t stop stalking him, or some sort of emotional baggage that ha...

Is it love that truly defines us? Or is it a matter of finding ourselves that truly make us who we are today? Does the past dictate the person we now know ourselves to be? Or is the ‘present’ time the main focus of our whole being? We do things for people for what? For love, right? Or we do things for people out of motives? What motives do you have when you go out of your way for someone? Things that have been debated and thought about baffle your mind. Sometimes you don’t even know if it’s out of love, or if it’s out of some motive that you’re trying to accomplish. The two get easily confused; much like love and lust. How do you decipher which is the 'true love’ aspect of it all. Does lust turn into love? Love hardly ever turns back into lust —unless some wacky sex counselor gives you some freaky advice. With love, you’re willing to take those quixotic steps to try to make your partner as happy as he/she could be. You would jump through hoops for them. The one thing that is diff...

So I figured it out. My psychiatrist has no pulse. He sits there and stares at me while I rant and rave about my life. I finally came to the conclusion that he’s not helping me. He writes out his scripts for my ativan and off I go to the next bar to enjoy a martini or five to take the edge off. Where the heck did this guy get his degree? No cognitive behavior therapy, no reverse psychology crap maneuvered and no questions asked regarding the situation at hand. During the 45 minute session, this man picked up his phone at least three times. I fell asleep during one of his drawn out conversations and he had to wake me up. “Tired?” “Yeah.” He stared at me for a good long while, and then asked, “How’s your love life?” I didn’t respond to it, after I had told him about the numerous amounts of anxiety attacks that plagued me and the depression that always seemed to follow afterwards. So to really see how good of a doctor he was, I tested him. “Doc, I don’t wanna live anymore.” As I cried ...

People hide and scour over bits and pieces of hidden treasures that aren’t supposed to be known. Intimate, delicate and personal information has become a faux pas between two people who love one another. They resort to mind reading instead, which ultimately winds up being misunderstood and misinterpreted into something ugly. Insecure people jump into conclusions and try to analyze something that’s not there; in hopes to destroy a potentially good thing. Why are they so concerned with other people’s business? They’re not happy in their own milieu, so they have to squish their nose into the lives of other’s. If one’s secure with themselves as a person, this will have no effect upon their feelings or thoughts about the one who’s getting the condemnation and attack. Just blow it off, live your life—because your life is ‘that’ interesting enough that people love to give into the drama and fiasco of trying to alter it in some way. Be strong, because your life is your own; you’re independent...

It’s Friday! Most people find themselves in a ' giddy-out of body experience' type of euphoria on this day. Some receive a nice hard earned paycheck, while others wait for their bi-weekly check that usually falls on a Thursday. Some people wait for Friday to come due to that special even that’s held in every bar across America ----happy hour! And why wouldn’t they be anticipating this all week? Having cocktails after a hard week of work and spending time with your buddies is always a wonderful thing. From what I've learned in my own experience, every ten years it gets different. For example, when I was fifteen years old, I would be working all week at the Chinese restaurant down the road in the summertime. They would paid me $4 bucks an hour off the books. That was fine. I took whatever cash they gave me on Friday and headed out to chip in for that keg of beer. We would head off with the older kids and go to a remote place to build a bonfire and drink our brew. I know I w...

Did you ever feel negative emotions that stir up within you, and suddenly see yourself taking it out on other people? You’re like a walking time bomb creating sparks that eventually flare up into a whole bunch of ugliness. You know it’s about to explode, but you fail to disengage it; instead you’re fully aware of your capability to release this bomb at any given moment. Your thoughts are racing and your heart thumps a little louder. It’s like a scene in a horror movie where the naïve girl starts walking into the basement when she hears a little bump in the night. The music starts slow, the beat sounds like a heart. Ga-thump…Ga-thump…Ga-thump! She opens the door to the basement and heads down the stairs. Ga-thump, ga-thump, ga-thump, ga-thump! The music suddenly gets louder; the thumping gets more intense and faster. Ga-thump-ga-thump-ga-thump-ga-thump!!! And then—silence... No music, no ga-thumpins’; just dead air. The room gets darker and then out of nowhere …AHHHHHHHH!!! It’s Dani...

This is the view from our deck. We over look the lake and mountains which is gorgeous--of course at night you can't see it well. The firework display was pretty neat considering we didn't have to sit on a huge lawn with tons of people. Each year we always sit on our deck with a nice bottle of wine and watch the display. They do this all week long. This actual display is one of the 'smaller' ones. But the main reason why I took this video was just for the sound -- listen to these people down below woo'ing and screaming at each little puff that goes off. It's too funny. They were like these little village people cheering on each explosion. Happy 4th of July!!!