Living Proof

There is an abundance of news and tons of discovered findings that leave us hanging with the question: why hasn’t anyone told us sooner? Of course, the answer always remains, “We didn’t know until now.” Many years ago, I was afraid to turn on the news, because I didn’t want to “catch” whatever they were speaking about if it had to do with medical situations. If Madelene turned on the Discovery Channel and they were talking about rare illnesses, I would go get a check up because I would develop symptoms of whatever it was they were speaking of. God forbid someone described in full detail of their panic attack symptoms - I would then get it immediately upon hearing it. I turned into a full-fledged hypochondriac. It was at the age of twenty when I first started seeing alarming signs of it. As I grew older and more confident in myself, the hypochondria seemed to have subsided somewhat. With extensive therapy as well as cognitive behavioral techniques, I knew that this was all in m...

It’s 4am and I have insomnia. I went to sleep at midnight but woke up at 4am bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. I believe it was because I fell off the wagon last night. I indulged in 2 beers, Michelobe Ultra Light or whatever. In other words: the weakest beer in the world. I thought I was safe. I passed my 90 days and decided, hey I’m going to have a couple of beers with dinner. I thought doing it “light” would help, especially since my tolerance was at an all time low. The verdict: I HATE DRINKING! Every sip was uneventful and the buzz was more like a zombie-like ‘bout to hit coma stage. It got me tired and nothing else. But, I did find out one thing: I’m allergic to alcohol. This is what I believe, anyway. Anytime I have more than one drink, I can never sleep a full night. And I’ve been sober for over 90 days now and each night slept like a baby. I can definitely say without a doubt that I do not enjoy the effects of alcohol any longer. I’m actually glad I fell off t...

Back and forth, you hear what’s good and what’s bad for you, but you never get a consistent answer for a very long period of time. Then you have misleading news teams that are borderline “TMZ”, where they lure you in with a shocking statement, and then when the story unfolds, it’s something entirely different. “See the link between too much calcium and the risks of cancer.” Quickly I’m fumbling for my BlackBerry like a dimwit and typing into Twitter, “Now calcium’s bad for us?” I didn’t even get the full story yet before typing that, until later on when they did the story, it was quite different. They explained that you couldn’t get enough calcium; that calcium was beneficial for you and reduces the risk of cancer. At least with certain news on the internet, they just tell it as it is, whereas on the television networks, they are so concerned about ratings, they’ll actually keep their audience stuck watching infomercials with some dorky guy demonstrating how the Shamwow works. Any...

What we did on a snowy Sunday afternoon... Sunday Fun from Debra Pasquella on Vimeo . The original post that had a Youtube video of this version was denied due to copyright infringement of using this particular song, so I had to use Vimbeo and delete the previous post. Everyone and their mother can upload songs from their favorite artists on Youtube - but mine was first muted and then rejected because of the song. It's not like I'm making money out of this deal - I just like to practice my editing. What a bummer!

Wonderful news. Indian Point is leaking radioactive water this morning, again. “AGAIN” it says, with no further information, other than an eight inch pipe that will be repaired.  The newspaper that I get, which is only the weekender, seems to lack information and is poorly written. I wanted to get the local paper so I could be on top of things in the community and whatnot, but this is ridiculous. Some stories are lacking the most important factors, while stating comments from people that were never said. Isn’t that libelous to some degree? There are so many things you can do as far as publishing, and yet have it be “legal” due to loopholes. Even with Youtube, if you consent to being filmed, that person is able to publish the footage on Youtube without your permission, because by 'smiling for the camera', that’s basically your signature for approval.    You can even film your neighbor on his or her own property, as long as you are still on your side of the fence or even ...

Warning: This video may cause an urge nausea, headaches and dizziness. Ask your doctor before clicking on play.

This morning when I woke up, I went to go make coffee and breakfast for Madelene, when something on the table stopped me in my tracks: two apples and one banana placed so perfectly together, that I seriously thought it was a joke on Madelene’s part. I chuckled and shuffled my tired self into the kitchen to prepare an egg white omelet for my sweetie. Even while I was cooking, I couldn’t get the image out of my head, which led into other thoughts that irritated me a bit. All the assumptions and stereotypes of “why” I “turned” gay from so many people in my life, as well as professional doctors. “It must be sort of a deep psychological reason for why you’re gay.”  I’ve heard this line so many times from so many different types of social workers, psychologists as well as psychiatrists; a select few mind you, nonetheless, I’ve heard it all too many times, and each with the same tone. I especially remember one psychologist who was a lesbian herself, that indicated that the reason why I w...

It all started with the personal ad, “GWF seeking SGF for friendship or more.” You responded. I was only twenty years old, you were thirty. I lied about my age and said I was twenty-one so you knew I could go out and have a few drinks with you, because I had my fake id. At the first sight of you, I honestly thought you would never go for me. “She’s too good for me - this date is so over already!” I kept saying that in my head as you kept luring me in with that beautiful smile of yours. The unspoken rule about dating is: you never call the next day. You called me 10am the next morning. I remember it clearly, as I was lying in my retro waterbed nursing a hangover, letting my answering machine pick up my morning phone calls. You said you had so much fun and would like to see me again. I couldn’t believe you were saying all of this on my answering machine! I pinched myself to see if I was dreaming. I seriously thought I would never hear back from you. We started going out e...

There are many things I like and dislike, not as though you really care, but we all have our little tweaks about stuff. I’d like to give the benefit of the doubt when it comes to people, but sometimes it’s just too much to say, “Alright alright, whatever, that’s the way you are...” and so on, and so on. I cannot tolerate catty women. (And some men for that matter.) And not that I mind a little gossip here and there, but it’s when people talk nicely in front of you and then once you leave, you are the brunt of their “juicy gossip”.  Once they’re in a huddle, and another decides to leave----they have just found a new person to “talk” about. Here’s the vicious cycle, and I believe this is derived from an old Jewish law---correct me if I’m wrong please. Gossip kills three people: the speaker, the listener and the person being spoken of. For one, you never want to be the speaker. The speaker gets the bad reputation for not being trusted. The poor listener is doomed with the tem...

Either I didn’t have enough coffee or maybe I had way too much. I feel too opinionated and possibly judgmental this morning. A lot of thoughts are flying in and out of my head coming out the wrong way, or possibly, the way I usually think them to be. There are certain people that I detest. I’ll use the word detest, for my mind wants to say hate - but, I don’t hate anything or anyone, so, let’s stick with “detest”. Liberal lesbians (or heteros) who shove their political views in your face and never shut up about recycling. I do my share of recycling every day of my life, but when it comes to inconveniencing myself at the grocery store to purchase small pathetic burlap bags that are unable to hold enough items for me, that’s when I say, “Do it yourself or come up with a better idea.” These types of people will also rattle off about how it’s better not to drink out of bottled water. Some people don’t have any other option because their water at home is like running diarrhea. If the ...

I believe the ability to create and express yourself in an artistic way is a product of your past or present, whether it be from extreme emotions such as happiness and sadness. There are some people I know who “used to” draw and paint beautiful things when they were younger, while going through tumultuous times. Now, while being ‘all grown up’, they feel it’s childish to draw again or be creative in any medium they choose. “Oh I can’t draw like that anymore” or “I don’t have it in me any longer.” Although the stressful circumstances have now changed to different types of stressors in their lives, why cut off the creative flow? Why not try it again? Why do some people cut off their creative side as they approach a certain age? “I would be so horrible at that!” I hear that all the time. Why don’t you try? Why not give it a whirl and if you don’t enjoy it, then don’t do it. You don’t have to show the world your poetry, art work, photography, or whatever it is you have a pas...

While playing with my iMovie, I put together some clips along with music and added actual lyrics from the song translated as well as biblical scriptures, relating to Revelations. I'll lighten it up tomorrow. Bear with me today.

I can’t tell you how lucky I am to have such great friends and readers who have given me such nice birthday wishes through this blog, Facebook, Myspace, as well as through personal emails. Thank you! I also want to thank my beautiful wife who has truly shown me what unconditional love really is. The night before my big day, I had fallen so hard on the floor - mostly on my left side. See, the thing is, when I’m home putzing around, I wear these chunky, platform flip flops because, well, I’m really short and I can’t reach things without them. While walking down the hallway into my bedroom to get dressed, I tripped over one of my flip flops and went tumbling down right onto my entire left side. Madelene was off that day and said all she saw were two feet lying horizontally outside of the door’s dwelling, and two flip flops flung off lying in different directions. This was the first time since I was a little kid that I cried over a slip and fall. It hurt that bad. I thought I had b...

Even though I think the age of 30-40 is still fairly “young”, there are so many things I feel I have not done yet. I feel like I haven’t travelled as much as I should have. There are so many adventures that I have simply passed up on.  The reason: fear. Fear has always held me back in some way or another, whether in relationships, traveling, pursuing my dream goals or even to just “say no” to the things I really didn't want in my life, just because I “felt bad”. I was always brought up to be polite, saying “please” and “thank you”. I say sorry way too much when there is no need for it. If someone bumps into me, I involuntarily let out an “Oh, I’m sorry.” All my life I have gone out of my way, above and beyond to make others happy, not because I feel guilty or “it’s the right thing to do” - but because I really want to. I’ve been taken advantage of a lot in my lifetime and mocked for the things I have done. I’ve been judged and criticized for my anxiety and depression wh...

(This photo was taken yesterday upstate, in Warwick, NY while doing a little Sunday driving.) It started when I had problems unraveling myself out of the covers. I then tried to attempt walking, tripped over a flip flop and almost knocked my head into a doorknob before falling flat on my face. Madelene was already in the shower and I wanted to make breakfast and coffee before she got out. I tried opening the cabinet doors to only find that there’s some sort of little person inside throwing cinnamon and nutmeg at me. They all came flying out and onto the floor. I reached out to grab the big can of coffee, only having it slip out of my fingers, crashing onto the floor making a big ol’ “CA-JUNGA-JUNGA-JUNGA” noise, as it rolled from one side of the kitchen to the other so that my neighbors downstairs could know it’s morning too. I’m polite that way. While waiting for the eggs to finish cooking, I checked my blog and realized my last post had been frig’d up. The video wouldn’t pl...