Living Proof

What happens when everything you knew comes crashing down as one big, elaborate facade? It's like your mind completely stops -- relinquishing all thoughts, dreams and hopes of a future once planned out so thoroughly and so carefully. It can be anything sudden, like a death of a loved one or finding out that the one person you were about to marry has decided not to go through with it. Maybe you were served divorce papers. Whatever the situation is, it's all relative. They all just seem to smack you with a dose of reality that there is nothing can be untouchable. Our future is not secure. Our future is actually an illusion if you want to even take it a step further. Nothing is set in stone -- ever. Maybe that's why we get so disappointed in certain situations. I mean, I always thought my dad would live forever and that my mom would never get cancer. I just 'thought'. I also thought my life would turn out differently, at least to the point of having a general idea of...

Sometimes I look over at my dog and wonder what she's thinking. Does she even think at all? Does she have a thought process? Is she plotting against the squirrel out on the lawn? When it rains, she looks melancholy -  as if she's wishing her sunny days back, lying in some random sunbeam. Occasionally, she'll run up and jump on me, indicating she wants something. I have to walk and follow her in order to know what she needs. If she heads to the kitchen, she wants a treat. If she heads near the door, she needs to go out. Sometimes, it could be that she just wants to cuddle on the couch, so she'll pull my pant leg and steer me over to the sofa. Our communication isn't the best, we mess up and well, I have to clean up the occasional 'mess', but overall, it's pretty damn good. But this isn't about my dog, oddly enough. Have you ever wondered what someone in your life was thinking? It amazes me we have this precise language that we can tell others exactl...

I don't care if you're a hard-headed, unforgiving, bitter ol' sonnovabitch, but most everyone holds onto old wounds, or at least remembers them. New wounds always need time of course. You don't have to be the "nice guy" or the sensitive soul that absorbs way too much. While we're all wired so differently and beautifully, we all have egos and hearts that break and shatter. I'm guessing about 80% + people are in therapy trying to 'figure it all out', while the rest are out there seeking some sort of outlet (and relief) to distract them from the chaos that lives inside their minds. You've heard the saying, "Idle time is the devil's playground", and while that may ring true, we may also find ourselves running away from what hurt us instead of facing it head on. The fact remains, wherever you go, for however long 'something' distracts you, there is going to be a time when your moments are idle and your thoughts come flutt...

Yes and no. The holidays seem to be passing us by very quickly as usual, perhaps a bit slower for those who have just recently had a breakup or divorce. We got through Christmas, but then there’s New Year’s Eve, the one night of the year where you actually stay up past 12 midnight and spend time with your closest friends and family, and of course, hopefully the love of your life. If you’re not with the one you love, the entire night (and I speak for most people having been through it) is that you constantly wonder what he or she is doing that very minute. When New Year’s Day and a nice ripe hangover arrives, you’ll be much better off watching marathon episodes of The Honeymooners and popping Advil. It’s done and over with...or is it? You get only one month to rest and BAM -- Valentine’s Day will be creeping up before you know it. I don’t care if you spend that evening with a bunch of single women -- you’re. going. to. think. about. him/her. What a bullshit holiday designed to boost flo...

If I can give any advice at all, it would be to learn from my mistakes, as I certainly have. In any form of relationship, be it platonic or romantic, arguments can get out of control. I can only take so much, until I pop my cork. I’m known to say it like it is - to the point where it’s so blunt, that it’s hurtful sometimes. Self-defense is no excuse when giving in to an intense argument where it comes to low blows and personal insults. I’ve learned a lot though. I learned that when someone blows up at you for whatever reason, or hurts you verbally, it’s best to just walk away and say nothing at all. Silence is the best communicator. The person who is trying to fight with you has nobody to fight with. When you ‘give it back to them’ -- that’s exactly what they want. For instance, if someone is hurting you with the most personal insults of your character, or perhaps bringing up things you’ve done in the past to torture you in some twisted way -- they want you to do the same to them. The...

A long time ago, a friend stated that she couldn’t possibly go to this restaurant I suggested because it reminded her of her ex. It was a bar & grill that I’ve been going to for years. I said to her, “I have had around five exes that I took here, and hell if that’s gonna keep me away.” She just shook her head and said, “I can’t do that. It hurts too much.” Although I completely understand what she meant, I tried sharing how I felt about associating places, people and things. For me, it’s more about associating songs. Maybe I danced to a particular song with an ex or just attached a song reminding me of her. “Places” never did that for me. Any time I visit a place, I disassociate immediately - nothing attached, making it completely new. Some people, after a divorce or live-in situation, throw away all of their furniture (even if it’s pretty new), pictures, or objects in the home that was once shared by them. For me, yes, some of that must go, but if I really like an “object” - I m...

There came a time in my life when I realized that some of the people I trusted with all my heart were absolute frauds. I turned bitter and skeptic of everyone who had entered my life thereafter. Within that period of skepticism and doubt, I then realized something else: people are only human. We all are human, we make mistakes, we say things that sometimes don’t line up with our actions. We’re not perfect. The higher my expectations were for the people who were in my life, the more disappointments came flying my way. I would isolate myself and basically befriend those who were “safe” -- like people from across the nation or I would hang around my family more (which is never a bad thing). My circle of friends became less and less and when I delved in deeper into understanding human behavior as well as understanding my own flaws, I took into consideration that yes -- maybe every single person in my life will betray me, hurt me or disappoint me at some point, but in life, that’s the ris...

Have you ever had “moments” where you just take a few steps back from emotionally healing through whatever, and it hits you like a ton of bricks as if you’re at day one? You can go weeks, months without thinking about anything, but just one incident or something that reminds you of your past just springs right back up to haunt you. A good friend of mine goes through the same thing, in fact, we’re so alike in this regard that we usually go through it at the same time. I’ll receive a text asking, “You ok?” She knows. I’m not sure if it’s because of my melancholy state or just an intuition, but it seems as though whenever she goes through it, I do too and vise/versa. What makes our minds take three steps back when they were five steps forward? Is it simply because we feel too much? Do we think too much? Or does everyone maintain this ' keep moving forward don’t look back'  type of thinking? Whether it’s due to a breakup, end of a friendship or a death of a loved one, does your...

There are fierce demons lurking inside all of us. As humans, we're familiar with their names: love, hate, passion, lust, emotional and physical pain as well as the aches of self-loathing. From time to time, these demons may rear their ugly heads and make us literally insane. Whatever the triggers are, we must acknowledge that it’s temporary. ... Or is it? There’s a fine line between love and hate. There are cases where you love someone so much, but when they constantly hurt and torture you, (either emotionally or physically) those feelings of love can turn into hate. On the flipside, you can detest somebody so much that you end up falling completely in love with them. It’s an oddity, but nevertheless, it’s out there. In cases such as a divorce or breakup, you can find yourself omitting factitious behaviors to deter your ex from finding out the underlying truth of your real feelings: complete love. This is always the case: the brain says no, no, no, but the heart says yes yes ye...

Do you have a mark on your heart? Each and every one of us has a story to tell. Some even have a few. Many keep it bottled up and suffer in silence. “Talk about it, get it out in the open.” A lot of us wonder, “to who though”? A therapist or a good friend are both great options, but for some people, it’s no option at all. Have you ever felt that if you let those bottled up emotions out to somebody, that it would devalue them in some way? Inside, those stories, those special past relationships or whatever it is that you keep inside so tightly are treasures. Memories and thoughts of past people, things and relationships are stored up in a safe place in your heart. Some still sting. Regardless, they’re invaluable. …Until you let it all out. It becomes everyone else’s story. “Oh, you’re not the only one.” I’m sure you’ve heard that one before. “Everybody goes through that from time to time.” But nobody goes through your story. Your story is unique. Your story is the one that’s invalua...

What gives anybody the right to think they know someone- especially when it’s their significant other? We know them to some extent, however, we can’t fully know everything that goes on in their minds. Some people feel so comfortable knowing that their relationship is invincible- that nothing in the world can tear them apart. I still don't know everything about my partner- I'm still learning each day about her. Some people feel as though they're “safe” and secure, knowing their partner would never, ever leave them. That safety net is good, because it means you fully trust that person, but is it wise? Is it safe to say that we all need some sort of awareness of the reality of a possible separation? “Oh that’ll never happen to us.” I hear it all the time. I sometimes felt that. Sometimes, when you feel too safe, that’s when you lose sight of what’s truly going on around you. There’s a difference between “needing”, “wanting”, “loving”, and being “in love”. You may disagree, o...