Living Proof

What's it been, a 5 day break? Not bad. Every time I jot stuff down in this blog, things seem to 'move' mysteriously. My pain has lessened, from a level 10 on the pain scale to a nice solid 5. I can definitely deal with that. Anyone who says that laughter is the best medicine has never had sciatica pain. I had a couple of friends over last night who nearly put me right back into the hospital because they made me laugh till I literally HURT. So, it flared up a tad and I was able to maintain without the drugs. This entire summer was just horrible, horrible, horrible. Pain, drugs, hospitals, ER nightmares, doctor appointments, blah! I went shopping yesterday and grabbed a shirt that says, "LOVE LIFE". Yeah, me. I truly believe there's some truth to the saying, "Gotta fake it till you make it" -- so I'm sticking to that. Here I am sitting in my beautiful office complaining about sciatica pain and how scared I am about taking pain meds, while there ...

The little things in life are sometimes the biggest things we should be grateful for.  And I am, (however), I seem to lack my gratitude when my pain kicks into high gear -- any type of pain whether it be physical or emotional. I'm only human. In my deepest agony, I fail to see the joys in life, like watching my puppy swim and play in her little pool to cool off, appreciating a phone call from an old friend, a gorgeous sunrise God gives to me every morning, watching thunderstorms rumble through the valley and long conversations over coffee with my wife. I've been focusing on the negatives, noticing what's not there instead, like a new updated oven (it's like the Shoemaker without any shoes if you ask me), a bathroom that needs to be redone entirely, unfinished projects that have stopped due to 'busyness' and of course, my inability to be proactive because of my chronic pain. There are mornings where I can't even wash dishes, cook breakfast for Mad or ...

It never ever ends...so it seems. At this point, it's no longer an embarrassment so much as it is a joke now -- a very painful joke. Let me just start out by explaining my evening last Saturday night. My entire family got together for a BBQ. Everyone was having fun, I was limping around, but enjoying myself for once. I thought to myself, even with all the pain I'm in, life is still worth living if I can still spend time with my family, laugh, talk, share some wine with the people I love the most. Well, it was like God giving me a test. Later that night, I was getting ready to go to bed. As I was getting changed, I noticed something odd on my chest -- like an opened wound. I honestly did not feel anything. As I walked up closer to the mirror, I realized that the wound wasn't only huge, but it was severely infected with a red line traveling upward. I'm used to seeing a red line when my mother gets cellulitis. It's nothing to mess around with. So, off to the ER I go....

I gave Madelene a blanket and pillow and threw her on the couch last night. I didn't want her to go through a night of horrific blood curdling screams from all the pain I'm experiencing, especially that I can no longer take pain meds. I would have taken the couch myself, but I lock up every time I lay down on it.  She's been having a rough go of it at work and super stressed out, so she needed her sleep more than I did at this point. Why torture her by letting her sleep in the same bed with me? My dog had no problem taking up the rest of the unused portion of the bed. With each scream of pain, Lola looked up at me, sniffed my face and then gave me a lick. It was like I had a K9 nurse taking care of me, well, a very short legged, long-bodied one with chronic halitosis, but nonetheless. I woke up this morning, enjoyed a cup of coffee out on the deck and finally had some relief from the night's agonizing pain. I went to physical therapy last night and it helped a lot, bu...

My work station today. It looks like I can't "wine" anymore since Facebook rejected one of my posts that included the "promotion" of alcohol due to a photo of a glass of wine. They said that it would encourage kids under the age of eighteen to drink. Isn't there a rule that sets the age limit for eighteen and over on Facebook? And why would one of my posts send some teenage kid on a drinking binge? Eh well, I guess I'm just a bad example. So yesterday I decided to take a ride with Madelene to bring Lola to the vet for her booster shots. I hobbled around a bit, but did quite well. As soon as we were done with dinner later that evening, my back locked up again while I was sitting down on the recliner. I could not get up and even when Mad helped me, it felt like she was removing my entire spinal cord out. It's been almost two weeks and I feel like I'm starting to lose my mind. I can't do anything. I still can't make the bed. (Mad! Please...

Sometimes you never truly know what measures you'll go to until you have severe chronic pain that lasts for over a week or more. I'm only on week two with excruciating back pain and I. have. had. it. I had two good days, meaning, I could walk around and make a drink. That's it. I forget about all the "abilities" I have, now focusing in on all my "disabilities" that I've come across. The rheumatologist wanted to give me a prescription strength of Aleve, because he said that the Toradol and Advil I was taking could possibly give me a heart attack. Great. I spent hours Googling that one. I just thought stomach upset and that was that. Another 'fear' to jot down on my list. Then I found out the prescription he gave me was even more harmful to my heart. So now, I'm freaking out over the heart attack meds, and wanted something a bit more natural. I was reintroduced with 'medicinal' cannabis. Back then it was more recreational - well, ...