Living Proof

It's interesting how others may perceive you. I was told by many of my past therapists that I look so happy and not somebody who suffered with anxiety or depression. One thing about me is: I'm never fake. But one thing people don't know about me is, whenever I'm in a depression, I tend to stay away from people, so they never see that side of me. And I do it for two reasons: for one, I don't want to depress anybody else with my gloom 'n doom attitude, and secondly, I usually view the world on a sour note while I'm depressed. So it's best that I live in my little bubble during that time. I have this wonderful therapist who'll occasionally receive a frantic text from me saying, "I can't take it anymore!" And she knows I don't mean that I'm standing out on some ledge somewhere (which I have thought about in the past), so she'll soothe my anxiety and then make me come into her office or even be gracious enough to do a phone t...

In many cases, gratitude is the most overlooked thing in the world. People are too busy, or they just forget how fortunate they really are. They can’t see beyond their “bad” circumstances or “bad luck” - they only see the glass half empty. I get like that sometimes, and when it starts knocking me down a few notches, I have to be reminded of what I do have, not what I don’t have. Just like focusing too much on the past or too much on the future, we forget the most important thing: the present. It’s human nature and once we give into that little whiney voice in our heads, “I want I want I want”, then maybe we can truly see what’s in front of us right now. Materialistic things won’t change who we are or get someone out of a depression. I find for myself, whenever I get into a depressive state or just not feeling ‘myself’, I do these breathing exercises that really help me. Usually, relaxation techniques like these help anxiety, but just picture depression as “anxiety without the energ...

In an instance, everything can be taken away from us like that. All of our belongings, loved ones, things that we cherish can vanish in blink of an eye. Most of us take for granted what’s in front of us right now - today - in the present. We focus on the past, mourning about things and people we’ve lost and we look too much into the future: who we’ll love, what career we’ll have next and where we will live. Many of us miss out on the best part: the journey. We let our emotions take control and drive us way back into our past or have it tinker with our desires in life and focus on what we don’t have. Desiring things are good, but skipping out on the path there, isn’t.  By the time we figure it all out, we'll be too old to do anything about it. For a long time, I was missing out on the “now”. I focused way too much on what I had lost, and focused way too much on the future. I spent too much time inside my own head mourning the past and not letting go. My mind was fixated with ...

Purging. It’s what I do best, since I absorb so much. It’s equivalent to bingeing on negative energy and then finally letting it release upon an unknown source. To some extent, we all do this. We’re human. Bottled up emotions, secretive battles within ourselves that makes our heart scream with anguish and mourn with sorrow are all energies that need to finally come out. Whether it comes out “as is”, or as an alias, is solely up to us. Some mask what’s hidden inside and blow up at something or someone that isn’t necessarily the triggering source. It’s just dumping your trash into another bin. Although my spirits have been high, I’ve been feeling the heaviness; keeping it inside and having a difficult time purging it all. It’s not healthy. I went and renewed my gym membership, this way I can plunge into a good workout if I feel pent up. I started working out every single day, until my back locked up on me.   Although exercise has been known to relieve stress, it’s still not enoug...

I'm not sure whether or not it's easier to give advice while not experiencing something, or give advice having gone through it already. "Easier said than done." "Been there done that." "It gets easier with time." "Time heals all wounds." Since I know what it’s like to go through anxiety and depression, I feel that I can give advice on what works for me when I’m neck-deep in it.   I have written “how to” articles online as well as tips on my blog. I’ve told people numerous tips, such as: eat bananas, take vitamin D, get some sunlight, write it all out, drink coffee, exercise and watch a good comedy, etc. All of these are great tips because they have all worked for me in the past. The one that helped me the most was a vigorous work out at the gym and then tanning right afterwards. That was like a drug for me. It did wonders! Now I’m in a funk. It started a couple days ago actually. I first started getting signs of fatigue. You ca...

Let your spirits be high, your worries be low and your peace be constant. I prayed this for someone I know going through some life struggles. We all go through them in different ways. Sometimes, I look at certain people and say to myself, “How dare I complain about something so trivial!” Maybe it wasn’t trivial to me at that time, but sometimes I have to gather my thoughts and realize that things can be much worse. Complaining is basically venting. It never does any good, except to get it off your chest. This morning, I woke up to the sounds of raindrops pit-pattering against my windowpane. I was underneath a plush goose-down comforter, lying down in bed. It was the first cold day in August. I know, that must sound weird, but it was cold and rainy. These are my favorite types of days. I usually get a big blanket, a huge cup of soup and watch movies. I still needed to do some work and make it to the gym afterwards though. After work and exercise, my evening is planned with dinner and d...

This shot was taken right outside my deck yesterday evening around 7pm. It was right before the sun was going down. Usually, when we’re under pressure, sometimes it’s hard to appreciate the smaller things in life. In my case, when I’m stressed out or full of anxiety, I take a lot of things for granted. I forget how good it can be if I “let it”. There are many people who believe we create our own anxiety- our own chaos that literally drives us to drink. The theory is that we “choose” to stress over something, or that we “choose” to be depressed about a certain situation. I believe this to be true. To have peace around us, what do we need? We need peace from within us. If we don’t have peace within us, then we can’t have peace in our environment. It’s the same concept as, if we don’t have love within us, or love ourselves enough, we cannot expect to love someone else. If we don’t have money, we can’t give it away, right? At times, when I find myself drawing farther away from God, my life...