Living Proof

Have you ever been so riddled with anxiety, that you can barely decide on what to do next, whether it be a new project, first tasks at work or just picking a hobby on a Saturday afternoon? Even the most simplest things seem so incredibly complicated. I guess one of the signs of depression is indecisiveness and the inability to focus or finish a task. I've learned from experience that after an anxiety attack, I slip into a strange fatigue-like state, and I am assuming that's the depression part of it all. I'm not "sad" per se -- I'm just blah and I find myself pulling back from the world. Sometimes my friends think that I'm upset with them or that I no longer want to spend time with them. But it's so far from the truth. My mind can only handle very little interaction at that time. But it does pass. This is what keeps me sane. Some episodes last longer than others. The one thing that I have learned is: it's OK to have your down moments and become a...

Through years of being in and out of therapy and numerous psychologists, psychiatrists, LCWs, PhDs, MDs, XYZs - I have discovered something fascinating: the internet. It's no secret that I suffer from anxiety and panic disorder, and along with it comes that brutal wave of depression. But depression is not my root problem. Anxiety is my enemy. I've had it ever since I was 16 years old. I have PTSD . Plenty of doctors have tried throwing antidepressants to get rid of my…anxiety. Why are you giving me an anti DEPRESSANT for my anxiety? They said that anxiety and depression go hand-in-hand. The only thing these antidepressants did for me was give me more anxiety by creating that little 'boost' when you're are in a funk. I have coffee for that. There are too many unqualified "doctors" bringing in suffering patients for only 15 minutes, giving them a diagnosis and a script to boot. That's not enough. Big pharma gives these doctors kickbacks and usually, ...

For years I have spent hours and hours on the couch of some psychotherapist trying to defend my childhood or why I “chose” to be a lesbian. “You may very well be regressing some prior sexual abuse as a little girl, which is why you are gay.” And the worst part of that sentence is that it was from another gay therapist. She went on, “We choose this lifestyle and for good reason.” I looked at her confused and asked, “Then do people choose to be straight because they weren’t abused? Because if so, I know plenty of abused heterosexuals out there. Explain that to me please?” She couldn’t. I stumped the psychoanalyzing chump. Years later she had lost over 100 lbs worth of PTSD in weight by squeezing her stomach with a lap band and a ton of therapy to go with her eating disorder. Of course I had to change therapists and I started seeing another interesting character who had claims of seeing UFOs. It was then I stopped therapy with females altogether and just relied on my favorite logical...

Let me first start off by pointing out that the term, “eliminate” may be too much of an expectation. Better words to use are coping and managing. The other day while Madelene and I were home, we were watching The Wendy Williams Show , (yeah, how U doin’??) and she had Jennifer Grey as a guest. While roaming around the house, I heard Jennifer say something that stopped me right in my tracks. She was talking about all the surgeries she had and Wendy had asked her if she was still in pain. Jennifer replied, “I’m always in pain.” Wendy was about to console her, until Jennifer interrupted her and said, “We as humans are all in pain, it’s whether or not we learn how to manage it.” I then thought about my own situations, my anxiety, depression, all emotional burdens, etc., and it hit me: manage your pain before it manages you. (Pain can be replaced with anxiety in my case.) She is absolutely right and of course, easier said than done, but most importantly ----possible and very realistic. A...

Sometimes I have to stop myself and ask: “Do people really care?” Not just any people, but the people who are here to help us: doctors, healthcare providers and mental health professionals. Do they really want to see us get better, or do they just want us to remain “as is” and collect as long as they can? I’d like to give the benefit of the doubt, and I also know that we’re all in our own types of businesses to make money, but it does seem as though these healthcare professionals don’t have a heart to the people who need their services the most. We can play the blame game all day long, but really - who is at fault? Even with most insurances, they’ll pay a percentage of whatever doctor you’re seeing. If you have a low income, a sliding scale isn’t a sliding scale unless it slides of course. That’s discretionary of the doctor or professional that’s treating you. What good is insurance when you have to pay most of it out of your own pocket? It doesn’t make sense. Let me get in...

Why are there so many diagnoses for a slew of different mental disorders and so many different opinions on what the diagnosis may be? For instance: a sociopath is a term professionals don’t like to use anymore, because they have broken it down to antisocial or dissocial personality disorder —whichever you choose. For each broken down definition, there are similarities regardless. Years ago, people who were ‘up and down’ with their moods were called, manic-depressives. That term is now obsolete: the term used now is, “bi-polar”. It’s basically the same thing heightened to an extreme. They also have bi-polar 1 and 2, depending on the severity. There are so many “new disorders” and new definitions that it makes me just wonder what it’s really all about. In my opinion, new medications make doctors trigger happy with diagnoses. Doctors get kickbacks and many of them are pill pushers. You’re in their office for less than 15 minutes, and voila---you’re diagnosed with a new disorder and out of...

Have you ever wondered why police and other authorities wait until the last minute until something occurs? We call the police, thinking that there may be a threat to someone’s life, or even our own, and they simply say, “Well, unfortunately we can’t do anything, until something has taken place.” They won’t look into it, because they think it’s a waste of time. What about a troubled student, Cho Seung-Hui? People knew he was troubled and a possible threat, yet they literally couldn’t do anything about it…until it was too late. Shouldn’t threats be taken seriously? Shouldn’t the scare of someone with mental illness, to that extreme, be something to be afraid of? Or do we just sit back and watch it unfold? I don’t get it. Cho Seung-Hui even went as far as attacking Christanity. He wanted to be seen like Jesus Christ when he went down. So, the comments I got the other day regarding his relationship with God were right. He didn’t have a relationship with God- he attacked God and everything ...