Living Proof

The other day, I was feeling a bit down. I was having a "Debbie Pity Fest," and grabbed my bag of potato chips into the living room and started watching a depressing movie called, A Sea of Trees on Netflix. It's basically about this large woodsy area in Japan where people go so they can commit suicide. I should've picked a comedy, but this was a little too intriguing for me. Right in the middle of my movie, a good friend of mine calls me up and said, "No. This isn't good for you. Let's get in trouble somewhere. I'm picking you up." I had my hair up in one of my goofy buns that make me look like Micky Mouse, wearing my comfy sweatpants with my big fleece blanket covering me. My dog was comfortably nestled in between my legs. There was no way I was going out. It was right after the horrible winter storm we had---everything was slushy and muddy and also rainy.  I'm staying put. But my friend was funny, she was so insistent, so I took a shower...

Sometimes it's hard to just write one word no less an entire article, so instead I'll just do a live stream and have that be my "blog post." Fortunately, I love to cook so I won't bore the heck outta people, well we can only hope. My schedule as I've yapped about before has been quite the rollercoaster. I'm awake until 6am. It used to 3am (no big deal) or even 4 or 5am. I decided to do most of my work at night now. I don't mind working at night, but I truly wish I was more of a day person like I used to be. Now, my body tires out when the birds are chirping outside. If I am not running around like a chicken with its head cut off, then my mind will do it instead. I constantly need to be busy, either cleaning like a lunatic or cooking for an army.. .of three, at most. Leftovers, right? My insomnia stems from anxiety. Someone asked me the other day if I was depressed. I'm not. I am incredibly grateful for every single thing, every single person a...

It doesn't matter how close you are to someone, even if you live with them, the fact remains: you will always be oblivious or perhaps, out of 'the know' about something about that particular person. I always say that I will never truly know my wife 100%. I say that as a good thing, because I'm constantly learning new things about her, even after 20 something years of being together. Remember the good ol' 7 year itch? Well, that "itch" is true. The "itch" can also mean that it's just the process of growing, changing or setting new beliefs. In fact, our bodies develop new allergies every 7 years. Think about where you were 7 years ago today. You were quite different, weren't you? Think about your political views and even religious views... Weren't they a little different back then? I do know one thing, (maybe two or three) -- that we are constantly growing and evolving into different people, gradually. I'm not saying that every 7 ...

For the longest time, I struggled with my ego. I always had to be right, I always had to hold a grudge and became complacent in my self-centered world of, 'it's all about me-me-me'.  I was always the victim and held onto my past with everything I had -- whether it was good or bad. The "good past" made me hate the present moment, always hoping for something better just around the corner. I took a lot of things and a lot of people for granted. The "bad past" made me feel angry, bitter, resentful and heartbroken. I walked around with a huge warrior's shield thinking I'd get hurt once again. I turned down quite a few social opportunities because I was living in my own little bubble. If someone intentionally or unintentionally hurt me, they were shut out of my world and never contacted again. But, even so, I did have a soft spot in my heart whereas if someone were to apologize to me, it was always accepted. The bad thing about that is -- I always ...

I haven't smiled in a long time... It's interesting to see how people envision "beauty" on themselves as well as others. Ever since I have been learning how to love myself, and trying the best to take care of myself without the unrealistic goals of being a size 2 or perhaps getting a little 'work' done -- I have never felt so comfortable in my own skin like I am right now. Call it the confidence of being in your 40's or...something else. Granted, I'm still a work in progress, but work in terms of being a better person or someone who can at least help somebody else. My focus in life isn't about size, looks, taking inventory of materialistic things -- that's all meaningless to me. And with the lack of focus on those particular things -- I have been taking care of 'me' for once, so that I can be of better help to someone who needs me. I've heard, "Wow, you look incredibly happy." and I think to myself, wow -- I do ...

On a few occasions, Dad would chitchat about his faith on 'the other side' and how he believed that there was definitely something out there. He never went into specifics, like talk about Jesus or the trinity-based beliefs, but more so from an agnostic viewpoint. My mother always had complete faith in Jesus and Catholicism. It was an interesting mix of beliefs. Dad would talk about his experience seeing his deceased friend as a ghost in between drags of his cigarette. "You kiddin' me? There hasta' be something out dare'. I saw Bobby walk right up to me while I was working -- you wouldn't believe it, Deb!" His friend died while inspecting a house that he was going to flip for a profit. The structure was very unstable and collapsed right on top of him. He was only in his mid-thirties. His son who was around my age saw the entire thing when he was around 8 years old. He was traumatized beyond belief, as only you can imagine. It was a tragic loss for his...